Posted in Ancestral Trauma, Awakening, Consiousness, Spirituality

The continued process of clearing ancestral trauma

As I check in with my mental and spiritual health, I have to note that I have cried less the past month. I might have had a moment here and there, missing special people, but I haven’t really cried at all. I feel lighter despite that the sale on the house in Germany still hasn’t closed. The contracts are signed but it continues to take it’s sweet time, as I sit back and wait for the final closure. The house is still mine, but it appears that I did most of the work that emotionally binds me while I was there.

I cried a lot during that time but I know I did the work, facing my trauma head on, not shying away from the darkness. I broke the cycle not only freeing myself but also Mom and my ancestors. I feel a relief that I cannot pinpoint to only my own feelings. It’s as if I can hear the sighs of pressure falling of from generation to generation. It truly does end with me, one way or another, as I am the last one of our family. I prefer it to end with all ancestral trauma released.

Maybe there are still a few things to work on and perhaps it is an ongoing process, but I note the difference and I feel it every day. It’s like I got myself back and the crippled, handicapped poor soul I see when I look back to the beginning of the year has vanished. The fight has returned within me and I feel strong enough to tackle the next chapter. Along this process I have lost people, been hurt, destroyed and rebuild. Another version of myself has been reduced to ashes and I can only hold the highest compassion for her. She has seen a thing or two and she has been through some stuff. I thank her determination and willingness to keep going, to not waiver and fight until it was all done. And with that perhaps I have become my own hero. My own role model to look up to, for it was me and all of my previous versions who has made this possible.

Posted in Awareness, Consiousness, Journey

The calm before the storm

It was during the last week before my travel to Germany that things finally turned around. Everything was down to the wire and I had lost faith, scared out of my wits about how this trip would become remotely possible. I struggled through each day, being in constant pain where even the slightest task became a huge challenge. How in the world would I manage?

A few weeks back, I realized that I had to consult help and see a doctor. Luckily everything fell into place in regards to insurance I didn’t have prior, and I started to schedule appointments. Office visits, Blood work, X-rays, referrals, as well as a visit to a specialist and more follow ups with now my regular doctor and further lab work. The first meds were nothing but a fancy name for Aleve and it did absolutely nothing no matter how hard I wanted to believe it would. During the follow up on February 28th, we switched to new meds which helped some, although it would be nothing more than a bandaid for the pain. Still a little relief was greatly appreciated, even though it was hardly enough to convince me that my job in Germany was now doable.

By a sheer miracle an appointment to the specialist became available despite them being booked until December. How lucky can I be. It’s been a week now that I am on stronger meds for the RA. I was told that it can take 2-3 months until the meds work and I have my steroids to bridge the gap if the pain gets too much. It’s been a week and I am feeling a huge difference. The Red pill or the blue pill are carrying me through. I also found some old steroids in my medical cabinet, expired since 2018 and I am still taking them. They are only 5mg and I have new fresh ones in 10 and even 20mg. I suppose this is my reassurance for now. My security blanket and peace of mind.

Either way, a strange and most welcome calm has come over me. Last Monday, a week prior to travel, I had the best day in I don’t know how long. I was tasking for hours, mopped floors and felt truly accomplished. Germany no longer felt so scary and daunting. The chronic fatigue was at a minimum and if there was a slight hint of pain, I hardly noticed it. My grip was strong (er) and I was breezing through the things that usually cause me so much effort. The worries about the war, the vaccine and god knows what else, took a backseat, although I had just recently written about it. There were still a lot of posts scheduled, some explaining my struggles and concerns up until this point. So if you read them down the line, please know that I did not have relapse and for the time being I am doing great.

It is amazing what our mind comes up with to self sabotage and scare us. Most of these thoughts and worries never come to fruition and I am no stranger to knowing this, and still I fall a victim just like everyone else. As pain wipes my memory, my knowledge and my wisdom, all is forgotten and what’s left is the grip of fear that becomes terror and renders me helpless. It is then that the darkness becomes the darkest it has ever felt and where hope is only a distant memory. Thank God this is over with, at least for now, and for now I walk in the light, fueled once more, armed and convinced that I will succeed in this mission that will become the heart of my most personal journey.

Posted in Awareness, Consiousness, Inspiration

There is a price to be paid

“There is a price to be paid for every increase in consciousness. We cannot be more sensitive to pleasure without being more sensitive to pain.” ~Alan Watts

Do you find this to be true? I think it is and many old sayings step forward in my mind such as “No pain, no gain”, “Nothing is free” and the likes of those. Or how about, we gain something, we lose something.

Increased consciousness demands life experiences and it’s not the ones that we perceive as the pleasurable ones that in the end expand our consciousness. For me it has been the tough lessons, the hard ones, the ones that have halted me to take notice. It is a painful process until you learn to see each experience as a lesson and understand that even the tough times have purpose. You will then realize that everything had to be exactly this way or otherwise it wouldn’t have emerged as a profound incident. One that changed you into the next version of yourself.

Posted in Consiousness, Journey, Women

The seat of your sexual power

Author Maya Luna Photo Sara Peirse

If you want to be a bad ass sexually empowered woman, embrace your inner hag. That’s right. The Crone. The ancient old woman. The witch. The hag.

The crone archetype is an aspect of the feminine not exactly associated with sexuality. Women groom themselves to be girls. The younger the better. Paint those lips red and blush those cheeks like you are wet and ripe for impregnating. Make them believe you are in perpetual ovulation. Make them hard. Make them desire you. Get that face lift. Suck in that belly. Bat those lashes. Guess what. The crone doesn’t give a fuck. And that is her power.

She embraces her spider lines and swinging, saggy ness. After all, this is what life does to the body of women…eventually. Does that make you uncomfortable? Would you rather not see? Her secret threatens to corrupt you. She can make you wild. She can reveal to you your power. Your volcanic senseless holy. Once she opens her mouth, the jig is up. They tell you she is crazy. Dangerous because she has broken out of that jail cell you call restrictions. How would you have sex if you didn’t give a fuck about how pretty you look? Or how flat your stomach is?

The Crone is not an object of desire. She is free to claim her own desire. In a world that praises women for being objects of desire. Where the more lust you can seduce the more value you possess, the crone is laughing with that cackle that only women of power have. She does not possess the enchanting beauty of the maiden or the fertile reproductive juices of the mother. She no longer bleeds. She no longer bares children. Her sex no longer waxes and wanes with the moon, gaining and draining energy with each passing tide. She is full. The portal to her blood has been sealed. She is drinking in the nectar. She is bathing in it’s luminous darkness.

Her sex is a diamond pressed and polished by years of experience and wisdom. She has passed through all the phases of initiation as a woman. That heavy web of social conditions all feminine creatures are baptized into. She is unraveling herself from these webs. She has liberated her sex from all their stories. She is making it to the other side. Freeing herself. Without the ability to be a mother or a sex object, what is left of a woman and her sex? I’ll tell you what. Pure power that doesn’t give a fuck, crazy wisdom that knows how to are love to the moment. Sex that ripples through every authentic cell of your body. Sex that pulses with every tiny whisper of life knowing life.

If you want to find the seat of your sexual power. Your real deep sovereign sexual nature. Find the crone that lives in you. Wild. Ugly. Innocent. Real. The real initiation begins here.

Posted in Awareness, Consiousness, Inspiration, words


Have you ever felt with intensity? Or perhaps I should ask if you ever felt fully aware. If you consciously drew your attention and awareness to feeling whatever is happening around you and allowed yourself that moment of pause. Perhaps you know it as a moment when you “took it all in.” And sometimes it takes only that moment to feel rejuvenated and refreshed. Restored and ready to go once more. It’s a little secret, something that is personal. Something that you, only you experienced in that given moment and will leave a profound impact and memory on your soul. It will remind you that there is peace and bliss in the little things as a sigh releases from deep within, leaving you with a smile and the reminder that it doesn’t take much. That it’s seldom the big things, but that the little things eventually become the big things to us. Todays word reminds me of this act, this very feeling.

Ambedo n. A kind of melancholic trance in which you become completely absorbed in vivid sensory detail. Raindrops skittering down a window, tall trees leaning in the wind, clouds of cream swirling in your coffee – briefly soaking in the experience of being alive, an act that is done purely for its own sake.

Posted in Alternative Medicine, Consiousness, Health

Increasing your life energy

Today’s musing makes me think about our daily life distractions. When it rains it pours and sometimes these distractions come at us from various angles, in a life that is constantly growing busier. Stress is all around us, sucking us in like a vortex into the black hole, into a dark abyss. For me balance has always been a key factor in increasing my life energy and how I enjoyed the world.

For years, I was trying to find it, to fit everything into a day that just never held enough hours to get EVERYTHING done. Tasks had to be prioritized and some of them had to be delayed which only induced guilt. My days were mainly filled with work and chores and the fun things like hobbies, arts and crafts had to remain on the back burner for that seldom occasion when a little window of time opened or when I finally convinced my mind that it was ok to drop a chore to make art, hiking or whatever I craved, the priority. Usually once that happened, I was also physically too exhausted to pull it of and enjoy it the way I hoped to. It was a battle, and the saying “all work and no play” had a constant meaning in my life.

Today I am blessed to have the freedom for filling my days mostly with what I want to do. Well almost….There are still chores that await, and the work life has been replaced by a new boss, a chronic condition that dictates each day to an extend. So sometimes, even though I have the time, I might not always be physically able to do what I want to do. Again I am blessed that things continue to look up and my health continues to improve and is holding in the face of storms and active weather patterns.

Today’s post is a health segment and I am revisiting some of the things we can do on a daily basis to increase our life energy. I am reminding myself that a lot of times these things only require a small adjustment and introducing something different into our life that doesn’t take up more time or is more complicated. It merely replaces something else. Here are a few suggestions you might find helpful for yourself.

Work a job you love, find your passion and build on it. This is a big one and sometimes not always possible. Perhaps you can feel good about working towards that goal or bring some sort balance into your life with the things that brighten your day and lift your spirit.

Eat mineral, enzyme rich organic fruit and vegetables and concentrated green powders, avocados, and fresh raw pressed organic oils like hemp and olive oils. This is another biggie that requires some planning ahead. I used to blame work and being soooo busy all the time for only being able to make meals of convenience rather than eating healthier. It played a part in my routines for sure, but I still find myself struggling with it today. Perhaps the cost of these goods plays a factor too and another saying comes to mind that reminds me that the choice is always ours. When it comes to our health we either pay for it now (goods and groceries we consume) or we pay for it later (doctors and hospital bills.)

Stress LESS, learn proper breathing techniques and start meditating. Another powerful one when stress is such a big part of our life. To reduce stress requires us to re-prioritize our tasks and find a healthier balance. It has to become important, almost like a matter of life and death and it literally could be viewed as such.

Connect with nature daily, and clear the mind with positive affirmations. Easy -peasy and you might just pin a positive message on your refrigerator door to remind yourself throughout the day.

Get rid of TV 😳. Ok ok maybe reduce the amount of time you are glued to the tube.

Avoid all junk food. Again it comes down to choice and planning.

Eat algae and herbs, and infuse your cells with daily green juices.

Connect with your inner child, make art and be creative.

Dance more.

Quit smoking and drinking alcohol.

Get rid of fear, worry, and learn to LOVE.

In love and light 🙏🏼💙

Posted in Awakening, Consiousness, Spirituality

The shattering

Recently I shared that one website that I follow online is called Source Messages. Another I love and check frequently is called Sacred Dreams which this message called “The shattering” was honored, written by Jeff Brown. Needless to say I am a fan of Jeff Brown and it Flashed as a memory on my facebook today. Still relevant I feel inclined to share it with you. This year has been a huge learning curve for me and so much has happened. On a spiritual level it was often hard to keep up, digesting and working through all the lessons that seemed to present themselves all at once. I was playing catchup oftentimes and while I was still trying to understand one issue, another was already waiting around the corner. Throughout it I had to unlearn much of what once was important, let go of a lot that once meant the world, and accept new ways, shapes and forms of the things that I once valued. It required taking all my wisdom, knowing that it is there, but also putting it on the back burner when it came to the actioning part. Actions needed to be curbed turning them passive, and at times it felt as if I had no purpose. The stillness felt like indecisiveness, almost like a feeling of being lost and it was hard to see the lesson. I thought I was going with the flow of things when in reality it felt more like I was doing nothing. Day after day passed and I was going through the motions of physical and emotional pain. I had to relearn what it’s like to feel my feet on the ground while breathing in the discomfort. I had to trust each moment and learn not to action every thing that came my way, big and small. I had to let people go along the way and get used to walking alone. The lesson that I took away this summer is all about feeling, and eventually entering a deeper level of understanding and spirituality. To feel on a different level, deeper, more intense, truly giving and understanding the meaning of this emotion. In the process of it, I have come closer than I have to myslef. I have felt more of what I’m made off than I ever seen before, and I can relate my own process to this beautiful message of the shattering. It says…

“Sometimes you don’t get to be a Buddha. Sometimes you just have to break. And FEEL. You have to lose your precious spiritual awakening. You just have to be a human being, feeling. Sometimes old pain resurfaces. Old fear. Sorrow. Trauma. The searing ache of the abandoned child. The rage of a forgotten universe. And suddenly, all of your spiritual insights crumble, all the beautiful words by the beautiful spiritual teachers, all the concepts and ideas about awakening and enlightenment, and the pure perfection of pure untainted awareness, and the selfless non-self, and the path to glorious futures, and the wise guru, they suddenly are all meaningless, empty words, second-hand drivel, and dead to you. What’s real, now, and alive, is the burning in the belly, the fire in the heart. Unavoidable. Intense. So close. So present. Sometimes you just have to feel. You have no choice. And sense your feet on the ground. And breathe into the discomfort. And trust, and maybe trust that you cannot trust right now. And take it moment by moment, by moment, by moment. And know that nothing is working against you. And awaken from your dream of how this moment should be. And throw away all your second-hand ideas about the path. Sometimes your spirituality has to shatter, so you can finally realize this deeper spirituality of feeling, presence, and feet-on-ground living, and the sound of the birds singing in the distance, and a total surrender to this one precious moment. ~Jeff Foster

Posted in Consiousness, Spirituality

Thinning of the Veil

It’s that time again and October is known as the best month when the veil between the spirit world and the earthly realm are at their thinnest. The veil begins to thin around October 15th, today, becoming it’s thinnest the eve of the 31st during the October Full Moon and Samhain. The portal closes around November the 10th. It is the best time to commune with the dead and for our deceased loved ones to make contact with us. You literally feel the change in energy in the air. If you sense a presence behind you, it’s not your imagination.

It was the end of September when Mom passed away and her funeral was on the 18th of October. It was during that time when the veil was the thinnest that she sent me a message to let me know that she was ok and has made her transition. A Dragonfly landed on my hand and just sat with me. I’ve lost pets around this time also and electric devices in my house went haywire with no logical explanation. Even my other animals noticed it and started waking through the entire house, checking for what? I always knew in my heart that there was a deeper meaning, a sign, a contact that has been made, but do you explain that without sounding crazy! Only when it doesn’t matter to be shared or how it is perceived can we marvel in it’s power and embrace these moments and signs fully. The veil is thinning today and already signs are appearing in a new form as I sit here and all of a sudden the bathroom door opens by itself. 😳 Cinnamon immediately looked into the direction of the door and paused just staring at it. I watch, I smile and follow up saying “Good Morning Mom.”

Posted in Authenticity, Consiousness, Empowerment

Booting up a “rebound”

It’s no secret that oftentimes my blog followers have been one of my greatest inspirations. Through friendships, likes and comments alike we have grown into a tight knit little group that has meant the world to me. Whether it is through personal emails or physical mail that you send me, whether it is by re-blogging my humble posts, or whether it is through your invaluable insight and comments, I often feel guided, supported and cared for in a very special way. Thank you…I love when you point out things to me that become so obvious once they are mentioned, but which I can’t think of myself.

It was my dear friend Mark who always has the right thing to say and who has been monitoring my journey from ages on, who put things into perspective for me and who sees my progress, ever motivating me to keep going. While I thought that I could perhaps benefit from a little Structure, he thought that perhaps a rebound was in order. Gently he reminded me of everything I have faced this year, from separation of a marriage that spanned over decades, to house cleaning, selling off personal belongings including my house of 20 years, while moving and adjusting to a tiny new home, fighting the rheumatoid arthritis and so on. It’s been a year packed with hurdles and challenges, a year I have lost myself to some extend, a year not only I have left people, but people have also walked away from me. When you put it into perspective, I am not surprised and it’s no wonder, because it’s always easier to support someone in good times when the world is rosy. Although in my book you stick with those that mean something to you through thick and thin. You don’t just turn feelings on and off by choice, true love and friendship has to be unconditional, through the good and the bad, otherwise it’s not worth it. True friendship is not always convenient but it should always be worthwhile.

This morning Mark’s words echoed back to me while I was still in bed snuggling with the fur child. Like so many mornings after waking, we stay for awhile and gaze outside the window to look at nature and watch the prayer flags fly in the breeze. It was a chilly morning so we cuddled just a little closer, if that’s even possible. My little girl always has to make contact somewhere to my body and sometimes at night she comes up to my face, puts her little snout on my shoulder and pauses for a moment as if monitoring that I am still breathing, making sure everything is alright. She is something else, I have never known another soul this loving, this caring, this grateful and this protective. Close, but not quite to that extent. We snuggled until it was time to get up, but not before a good round of horsing around amongst the sheets, of hiding and playing, running in circles, crazy eyed, ears back and feisty to the max. And yes, I am talking about the dog, but I am sure my laughter and giggles didn’t help and in reality they only make her feistier.

The pain was minimal today and I thought that maybe that 2.5 mile hike the day before and plain old movement had oiled the old joints a bit. Finally we got up and shortly afterwards I was sipping a hot cup of coffee. A loving email had arrived from my friend Kris which always leaves me feeling fuzzy inside, loved and cared for. Another new soul connection sent the most meaningful message via Facebook Messenger and the day was off to wonderful start. The Tiny Abode felt cool but the energy felt content while the wind was swaying the trees from side to side right in front of my window. We continued our cuddles to the couch, closely snuggled together, drinking coffee and just enjoying the stillness while watching the world outside. It was like there was a bit of turmoil going on but on the inside everything was perfectly calm. And my insides, deep inside my body and how I felt perfectly matched the world outside. I felt calm, relaxed, blissful, and full of gratitude. There was an appreciation for the moment, for having woken up to be gifted another day, there was the “Power of now and something old, but very familiar that was returning back to me. Old virtues and wisdom long learned, integrated into life and then forgotten or taken for granted as a new way of life. I was remembering some of these peace’s as they returned back to me to be appreciated and valued on a new level. The turmoil inside was getting more quiet as well and I have felt this shift within for a few weeks now. It’s almost as if finding my way back to myself. Somehow it took on a new meaning this morning, another step, another notch if you will. Another click in what Mark called a rebound and it’s exactly what is happening right now. While I thought I should structure my existence, what is really needed is to meet myself with the utmost understanding and a love like never before. What is needed is to acknowledge everything that I have been through this year, and everything that my body had to support throughout on a physical and emotional level. I need to give thanks to all the wounds that got triggered that allowed for healing on a trauma level. And I need to have a good talk with my body and ask for support just a little bit more for redemption and a dream fulfilled is waiting just around the bend.

In finding myself again, I am starting to notice things and I am making peace with anything that hasn’t felt right yet. This includes big things, powerful things, but also small things such as the lines in my face and a complexion that is clearly showing me the struggles of the past year. I am noticing that half of my hair is darker than the other half which is now mainly silver. It’s the left side of me, the feminine side that has progressed to silver strands and I am not surprised. Intuition, feelings of openness, and unselfishness are all govern by the feminine side. Given that my hair is turning out this way also signals to me a reminder of my spirit animal, the Badger. Coming into it’s power and learning his ways. Shadow dancer between the darkness and the light, I relate my current experiences to him, walking between two realms, finding the light even in the darkest of places. I am taking joy in life again instead of pausing and letting it pass me by. But even here, I really don’t feel that this was the case and a recovery period was needed. A time to be still, a time to adjust, a time to come to terms. I think I have done that and a certain drive is returning back to me to step away from merely existing. I am taking joy in the mundane again. Grateful to be able to wash dishes once more and instead seeing it like a task, enjoy the warm suds, remembering that they help my aching joints. I reassess and value all relationships in my life, even the ones that have left on their own journey to find themselves. I am tending more to myself and self care and it can be as simple as doing my make up and hair, but I plan to expand much beyond that. Even the universe is supporting me and miraculously the wifi has fixed itself and is providing me with a 4 bar signal strengths lately. Strong enough to stream things, strong enough to get back to my online teachings, finishing my herbalist and Reiki Teacher course. I may even have my first student to certify under my own lineage but that will be in the distant future as I am not forgetting my important obligations and Germany that is waiting for me. The point I am trying to make is that I am finding joy again and I am making it a point that I do and that I partake. It is the missing link and it will have to carry me through.

Today I walked another 2.8 miles. Slightly more than yesterday and despite of limping by the time I was done, I felt alive. Sitting on the boat dock with my furry companion, we admired the landscape, a changing season that mirrored the change of season within my heart. We listened to the voice of the wind and it’s heartbeat, beating fast and then being reduced to only a gentle rustle. This week so far has been full with moments of coming home to myself. I even got to craft two keychains yesterday. I am creating from all levels, physically, emotionally and metaphorically. What it takes at this point is letting go, allowing what is, accepting, forgiving, meeting myself with patience and unconditional love, and going with the flow and what feels natural without resisting.

Hello old friend, how I have missed you.

Posted in Awareness, Consiousness, Life

Goodbye January

A new month has begun and we are already a few days into February. The month of love, purification and self care has started and with it I have soul searched myself and digested the last month.

At the beginning of the year I took an honest look at 2020 and all the lessons it brought. With it came a promise to myself for the upcoming year and the realization that I needed to take this honest look for each and every month and not just once a year. How could anyone stay on track letting so many months slip by. It simple seemed impossible to me and therefore here I am, recapping my first month of 2021, taking that honest, evaluating, critical, but also understanding and compassionate look back at the month that has just passed.

On a broad spectrum January was a physically and emotionally challenging month. I cried a lot, perhaps felt a little lonely at times, overwhelmed at others, drained and exhausted off and on. Emotions ran high, happy one moment and triggered to tears the next by a song playing on the radio. Through it all, I have to say that I stayed keenly aware of what was going on, almost like an observer, a somewhat out of body experience, while letting the emotions come and go as they had to.

January was also a month of growth on the spiritual side, of ever changing and evolving, bending and twisting, holding on and letting go. It was a month where I committed to working with all versions of myself, including my inner children and shadow self. I found a new understanding of what an inner child is and let me tell you that it is very emotional work. Work so many won’t dare, and look into the eyes because it is painful. Painful in the sense of having to admit your faults, painful in the sense of recalling those memories that created the scars and wounds, and painful in the sense of facing it instead of pushing it away for another time, another generation, perhaps, if at all. Spiritual work in general is hard. It’s messy and it won’t come easy or quick, but it is also a breakthrough and a blessing, an opportunity to end ancestral trauma.

Full of excitement I went into the new year like so many others, armed with new motivation, determined to make it a year worthwhile. January 1st started kind of rocky and initially threw me off track with an unexpected opportunity to work through a wound which you can find here. I ate too much chocolate with made itself known in the lack of clarity in my skin and New Year’s Day came and went, just staring into space, somewhere, timeless, into oblivion. All the meaningful, important stuff I set out to do vanished and none of it got done.

Drawing the “Faith in the Process” Oracle card and its message finally helped pep me up and feel better.

There were times throughout the month my heart felt heavy about the loss of my uncle and aunt due to Covid. Also for my cousin, their youngest son who was also diagnosed positive and was still battling for his life.

January was a month of many worries, ranging from mysterious messages about my phone being compromised and infected with viruses, to worrying about Cinnamon and her bald spots. There was concern for my own Health and the Struggles that are never too far away. Although they have a place and purpose too, I soon found myself in an increasing emotional mess as the chronic pain became the norm, an every day occurrence. How hard and how many times have I fought this battle before. It’s scary, intimidating and debilitating. It takes your quality of life.

A song called “There was Jesus” by Zach Williams and Dolly Parton sent me into tears with the following lyrics.

“Every time I try to make it on my own, every time I try to stand, I start to fall. And all those lonely roads that I have traveled on

There was Jesus

In the waiting, in the searching, in the healing, in the hurting, like a blessing buried in the broken pieces.

Every minute, every moment, where I’ve been or where I’m going, even when I didn’t know it or could see it

There was Jesus”

A song often starts with what words can’t convey, and it seemed that this release of tears was what was needed at that particular time.

As mentioned before, January brought a new level of enlightenment and spiritual work after asking all versions of myself to join together, instead of pursuing individual agendas. It brought a visit from my Inner child and a Realisation from my shadow self. I would learn much later that there are many more inner children and that the one that came to visit was not the only one.

It brought a desire to fix the inner wounds we carry, inflicted by traumatic experiences, from the people in our lives and society. With it came the need to mend old wounds and relationships gone astray. Not to change the outcome but to understand reactions and triggers for these wounds, ultimately releasing the hurt energy by transforming it into unconditional love.

January reunited me with my soul sister, the very goddess I had written about who initially threw me for a loop with her New Years greeting. Together we have learned a great deal from our trauma responses and together we are healing these wounds, releasing our karma and that of the ones who inflicted these belief systems and painful experiences. Thank you for doing this work with me, I have missed you and your understanding of getting and seeing me completely.

As I waive goodbye to January I realize that February needs to bring a renewed focus on the health front and a deeper commitment to doing my part. As storms still rage outside, father winter has finally arrived and I feel the pressures associated with that time.

As I walk into uncertain times, I try my best to trust and have faith that everything will find its way. That the universe loves me and continues to keep me save. That plans are unfolding much greater than my own and that with the butterfly spirit, transformation awaits once more.