Posted in Celebration, Life, My story

A Birthday – come and gone

Birthday Week has come and gone and overall this year has been a lot kinder to my heart. Somehow I took to heart your good advice and wishes for me to enjoy my special day, knowing that Mom would want me to, while cheering me on from above. There were moments of silence, of remembrance, of reminiscing, of missing her and wishing that I could call and hear her voice one more time. Thank goodness for the other recorded bits on the phone, still a far cry from the real thing. Yet I’m grateful to have those, although I am playing them less and less, not because I’ve forgotten and the need is no longer here, but perhaps until I reach the point where they don’t feel like daggers and inflict pain and self torture. I’m not sure if that day will come when I can listen to them and just smile.

It was a quiet day, peaceful, with many reaching out to wish me a happy birthday. I guess even a few “how old are you, are you single, I’d date you proposals” came through as well. I suppose I should feel flattered about them at my age lol. But instead I felt more surprised how direct and not beating around the bush at all these approaches have become. Just saying…and I suppose it’s the new face of social media. It has become a dating platform.

The day started with a surprise FaceTime call from my cousin in Germany. Despite a fuzzy picture and the connection cutting out, it was wonderful to see each other and to say Hi. Even more special since we were both smiling face to face after her telling me how important it was to her to reach me. It was a priority for her and it made my day. Breakfast waffles with fruit and Greek yogurt followed to start the day. Add a little drive in the country, ending up at a peaceful lake/reservoir, spread out under a large blanket after a short hike with Cinnamon, and the day was perfect. Even the weather Gods meant well and spared me the heat with more comfortable, a few degrees less temperatures. Needless to say it felt good and I enjoyed the little break. Besides a few pesky critters and something always seems to bite me. Blame my rare sweet blood type for it and this is why happens when you are too sweet, ha.

On the horizon was cleverly visible the big large plum of one of the two wildfires near me. So close to me, so far I have been lucky that the fires moved away from me vs towards me. Thank the winds for it and may it stay this way.

Driving over the large Dam wall we spotted that water was being released and it looked so powerful and like something you just don’t see every day. Cinnamon wasn’t tired anyways and up for another short walk, so we strolled down to the base of the wall where I captured this panorama picture. You’d think the walls would break any minute under the pressure of this powerful water release. It made the water look like white foam, shooting way up and down the River. I got pretty close and felt the misting. Had I not had Cinnamon with me, I would have stayed longer, maybe even ventured closer, but I was afraid of her falling in on the slippery rock. Either way this release was kind of symbolic for me, releasing the pressures of the past days, the fear of birthday week, and some other things I’ve been working on. The night concluded with a simple yet very tasty dinner, a bottle of Mike’s hard lemonade and just letting the day come to a peaceful ending. Not too bad at all and I know a foundation was laid to hopefully build on in upcoming years.

Posted in Celebration, Life

Counting my (birthday) blessings

Just a happy little waffle today, sending a smile and a big hug your way.

Actually, I am going to write a bit and dig deep on this special day, my birthday, that might seem ordinary to me, because I know it has a lot of meaning to some people in my life. It’s true and I don’t feel like celebrating much, but I am going to push the lingering cloud to the side and remind myself to be grateful for having reached another year. A privilege denied to many. Today I count my blessings, and there are many. I might wake up or don’t sleep well due to chronic pain, but the main thing is that I get to wake up and see another day. Each day brings a new opportunity to try all over, to get it right, to start anew. Again, not everybody is this lucky.

Today I remind myself that I am much better off than many. That the universe and my guardian angels have always blessed me and that in the end, no matter how hard, things have always work out. Today I give thanks to the ones close to me, the ones that love me, the ones that help me without ever complaining, the ones that share the ups and downs with me and the ones that lend support. And yes, this includes you my dear readers. You know who you are. I love you. 💙

Posted in Celebration, Life, Mom

Birthday Week

Birthday week always leaves me a little uneasy and feeling blue. For many years Mom and I celebrated our Birthdays one day apart, hers on the 19th of July and mine on the 20th. I still hear her telling me that I should have hurried up coming into this world so we could have celebrated on the same day. In many ways it always felt like the same day, one (two) long day (s) rolled into one celebration.

Today it starts and it’s Mom’s birthday. It’s the second year since her passing and birthday week has not been the same since. It brings pains and sorrows, a love unexpressed although I talk to her often and she is aware of what’s in my heart. My own birthday has changed too, and I’m the one still here, the one left behind. A shadow lingers no matter how hard anyone tries to make it special. Sadness creeps up and the memories are still bittersweet. It’s hard to be happy and carefree, hard to enjoy your special day when you are still missing the one that used to be such a big part of that day. Perhaps it will always be this way, until the end of my time now.

I marked the picture above as one of my favorite pictures of Mom (on the left). It was taken in 2018, celebrating her birthday at her favorite medieval castle. She was already in a wheelchair but thanks to family and friends we made it possible to take her out of the nursing home for a special celebration. I wrote about it before but this picture has something else. Something exclusive to me. It was the look on Moms face when I look at this picture. Blame, anger, hard feelings towards me, disbelief, disgust, unworthiness, it all had vanished in that moment and transformed into love, forgiveness and gratefulness. I can see it in her face and it is a picture that speaks a thousand words to me. She never had to tell me and yet I knew how much that day meant to her. And because of it this day will forever be special to me and this picture will always be one of my favorites.

Happy Birthday Mom, I still miss you, my mind still talks to you, my heart still looks for you, but my soul knows that you are at peace and relieved from all pain.

Posted in Celebration, Healing, Health

Coming out of the darkness

The calendar marked the 23rd of January and finally, finally, finally, I was coming out of the darkness. The pain eased up which is a big deal for us suffering from a chronic disease. I must say that when this moment comes, it means everything and is a game changer. By now, I had seen these cycles come and go and been through so many flare ups and remissions that I felt like an expert knowing how it was affecting the quality of my life.

Not too long ago, all within that week, I felt whiny, emotional, vulnerable, breaking down, even crying. The tension was unbearable and it’s hard to imagine what you go through during these times unless you have experienced it yourself. Even just sitting and not moving is uncomfortable as the tension never eases up. Limbs tingle, muscles ache and your range of motion is a fraction from what it is on a good day. Putting your hair in a pony tail can leave you in tears, part because of the pain it causes and the reminder that a simple task as such becomes a challenge and huge undertaking.

January 23rd finally brought a breakthrough. Not one that would miraculously wipe away all the pain, (although that’s possible as well), but one that made the hurt more manageable again. It is during those times that you gather your strengths and motivation. When you get totally Gung Ho to impact your life, because if you can help it in any way, you are not going back to that pit of pain for a long, long time.

Coming out of the darkness is one of the most profound feelings. It feels like you have been bestowed an awesome gift, the gift of getting your life quality back. Without it, your day is reduced to struggles, and pain management that can easily turn into depression and fear. January 23rd marked a turning point for me, a new chance, a little window of opportunity, and it came with not a minute to spare.

All of a sudden there was a pep in my step, “Hello my old friend” it’s nice to have you back. There was motivation and the desire for creation. I ended up making Ginger Syrup to stock up on my inventory and use up the fresh ginger I still had. You can find some of the benefits and healing properties of my homemade syrup here.

https://rhapsodyboho.wordpress.com/2020/10/10/ginger-syrup/

I also worked on some new merchandise for my Etsy shop at Youniqua which I will share with you in another post. By the way, it’s also there that you can order your very own homemade syrup by me. 🤗 Thank you in advance for looking.

It was a good day and a fresh start at trying again. Of realizing were changes could be made, of building on the blocks in place already, putting on another story of the shook foundation, and move forward once more. And I knew I had special people in my corner cheering me on, sending me healing, saying prayers for me and simply being there to catch me when I started to tumble.

January 23rd was a day of many emotions. Also a day my aunt and uncle who passed from Covid were laid to rest in Germany. It was a day of clarifying intents and relations and reconnecting with a dear soul very special to me. January 23rd had a little of everything but will definitely be a day to be remembered. And from here on out, I can only go up and tickle the sky once more.

Posted in Celebration, Life, Mom

Happy Birthday to me

The day has come and it’s my birthday. The anniversary of the day on which a person was born, typically treated as an occasion for celebration and the giving of gifts.

Birthday – a day on which one or more years ago someone appeared in the world. It’s been definitely a few (more) years since I appeared in the world and today should be a day for celebration. Having reached another year to add to my number, remembering that age is simply the amount of years the world has been enjoying you, and that not all of us are that privileged to reach another year. This year I remember the ones that are no longer with us and who have not been so lucky to celebrate another birthday. Today I remember and feel the pain of lost loved ones and all who lost their battle to illness, accidents, violence and the pandemic. May their spirits Rest In Peace.

Today I disappear and go on another three day adventure with Mother Nature to put my own troubles on pause for a little while. To push myself to new heights and distract the mind from the first Birthdays without you. I will do my best to lift my spirits because I know there are people that work hard for this day to be special for me, and I appreciate it beyond words. It will be a time to simply be for me, and to let the emotions come as they are. I am doing my best and they say that the first year is the worst when you lost someone. Birthdays and holidays take on a different meaning and they sure do.

The importance is not to lose sight of the light because tough times will always surface from time to time. Today I will try to remember us both, our birthdays one day apart, and the gift and time we shared towards the end.

Stay tuned…I can’t wait to tell you about my new adventure. Memories are waiting to be made.

Posted in Celebration, Halloween

Happy Samhain

Samhain: Witches dance, Holy Wedding and the other world. Samhain, is one of the four Celtic main festivals and has been celebrated for over 5000 years. It is the seed of Halloween, also of Celtic origination, and the beginning of the dark wintertime.

Samhain is a time to gather and dance around the raging flames of a glistening fire. In ancient beliefs, fire was to ward off negative energies and brought light and warmth’s into the cold season.

Nighttime is symbolic of the transition from the old to the new. On this special night of Samhain the gates to the other world are open as the veil thins. There, everything is possible in the space between the old life and the new one. There are no laws and no rules. Life meets death, and death itself creates new life.

Samhain, the celebration of all who left this world, is a fest to honor our ancestors and our deceased. Mother Earth is slowing to rest during the long months of wintertime, in preparation for spring when new life is born and the cycle of life and death sprouts new growth. Standing in strong focus during the night of Samhain is death and dying. People surrender and let go of everything while sowing the seeds for the new.

The living seek contact to the kingdom of the dead as they call to thank their ancestors in ways such as through food offerings. Celtic history believed that all deceased would return to their original place of life before death in the night of Samhain. To honor your ancestors and deceased was highly common in many cultures and treated with the utmost respect.

Samhain is a time of it’s own magic. When fog lingers in long banks over the fields, covering the landscape in mystery. When the leaves are glowing and look fiery in color until they slowly loose their luster and decompose. The air is cool as you see your breath dancing across the fairytale landscape of frosted trees, inhaling it deep and clear into your lungs. There is no mistaking that it is the beginning of all things coming to rest. Life opens up to the slow and steady beat of winter as we realize once more that life is constantly reborn. One season leaves and another one arrives. One person dies, leaving this world and a new person is born and arrives greeting the world and a new life.

Happy Samhain!

Posted in Celebration, Empowerment, Women

International Women’s Day

Happy international Women’s Day, gorgeous. It’s official to recognize and honor each other on this day known to give celebration for women.

Secretly I hope we do it much more often, as often as possible, every day. I just recently wrote a post about the power of lifting each other, if you care to take a peak.

What I like to point out on this special day of celebration is our individual beauty. The essence of a woman. When I speak about the essence of a woman – her beauty – I don’t mean “the perfect figure”. I don’t mean the beauty that society instills in us through a picture such as the perfect image. We lived so long under the pressure to be beautiful.

When I think about the essence of a woman, I think about the beauty of her soul. A beauty that grows over the years and becomes even more grant, kind and glorious with age. Our true beauty flows from the inside out.

Beauty is what the world longs to experience from a woman. We know that – somewhere down deep, we know it to be true. Most of our shame comes from knowing this and feeling that we have failed to portray such perfect “society image”. We fail to see that beauty is an essence that dwells in every woman.

Beauty lies in each and every one of us. Beauty may be the most powerful thing on earth. Beauty speaks, it invites, it gives you wings and confidence, beauty nourishes and beauty comforts. Beauty inspires us, beauty is transcendent.

A woman in her glory is a woman of beauty. She is not striving to become beautiful, worthy or enough. She already is, and she only needs to believe in it by seeing all the magic she holds within. A woman of true beauty is a woman who in the depths of her soul is at rest. She exudes a sense of calm, a sense of rest, inviting those around her to rest as well. She speaks comfort that all is well, that all will be well. A woman of true beauty offers others the grace to be and to become. One can release the tight sigh that so often grips our hearts, and breathe in the comfort of her presence.

Today and always, I celebrate all of you beautiful souls, shining your light and beauty every day by making a difference in my life as well as the life’s of so many others. Thank you. ❤️🦋

Posted in Celebration, Family

Happy Birthday Emily

Last year I got to celebrate this special day with my niece Emily (bottom left) while being in Germany. It is always during those special events that I reminisce and miss home just a little more. I know the celebration will be special and another year will have passed. Funny how when we are jung time seems to move so slowly, letting us believe that we have all the time in the world, and then before we know it, time races and some of us may even stop celebrating all together. We really shouldn’t, and just like in those younger days, we should celebrate and be grateful to yet add another year to our human clocks. It is a privilege denied to many.

Happy Birthday Emily. May all your wishes and dreams come true. Love you 😍

Posted in Celebration, Recognition

Celebrating “YOU” ~ Shreya Jindal

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Thank you again Novus for bringing us this week’s nomination. A huge “Thank you” goes out to Shreya Jingal from liveoutcrazy.wordpress.com. You have made a differences and here is what Novus wanted you to know.

I’d like to say “YOU” are special to me to Shreya Jindal (https://wp.me/p8rWQL-mc). She’s a 15 years old blogger, artist and poet who studies in a boarding school. She speaks a few different languages as well and she’s constantly learning others. Unfortunately she’s permanently harassed and bullied by bigger students. She’s suffering in that school, like some of her friends there, but can’t do much about it. Some dark thoughts roam her mind, but her strength and bravery made her go on.
I just want to say that, you mean a lot to me, I know that you’re an awesome person, smart with a bright future. Don’t let the others put you down, let your soul be free.
Free from anger, free from hate, free from the chains that surround your well being. Dear Shreya, know that you’re always loved and cherished