Posted in Art

The paintings of my life

I started painting roughly 10 years ago. I always enjoyed arts and crafts and the process of creation, but I never explored it on the levels of painting acrylic on canvas. In fact, I never really painted much at all. Looking back to my childhood, I remember coloring books and enjoying the soothing effects they had on my soul during those peaceful hours spent, getting lost in the process of adding color to the shapes and outlines of the pages. Those times have long past and occasionally I manage  to pull out the adult coloring books, even though it happens rarely.

I recall a point when my life changed, seemingly overnight. I hit a rough patch and had just said goodbye to one of my beloved dogs. You have to understand that I share a deep connection to all animals and pets become family, often living better then some people. I felt lost and the pain seemed unbearable at the time, threatening to rip my heart apart, I just couldn’t get over. I don’t know how it came to be, but I started to paint. It was an outlet, a form of expression while bringing me the same kind of peace that I had felt as a child, engaged in my coloring books. The process itself was much different than the one prior and this time it was me who was creating my own images. There was no need to stay within the controlled lines even though some had outlines, others didn’t and were flowing freely. It was relief, as if my soul poured out into whatever it was that I was painting at the time. To this day I can look at each one of my paintings and feel a personal connection. They tell the story of my journey and remind me that beautiful things are often born out of adversity. Talents are discovered as well as passions and a distraction to help us cope. A gentle soul, someone that is easily moved on an emotional level, the strong warriors that walk among us, the ones wise beyond their years, they all have seen a great deal of adversity and pain and they all have a story to tell.

I feel the call from time to time when I haven’t painted in awhile. Almost as if another painting is due, and another chapter is closing. There is a thirst for the feeling and the exploration of discovering new things. It starts with an idea and with a choice of what speaks to me. I miss it right now and painting has become such a beautiful and rewarding aspect. Much has happened since my last painting and after Germany I will make it a priority to paint whatever calls me.

I came across this video from Jim Carrey and it spoke to my heart. I relate to his words and his need for color in life. It also reminded me of myself and I believe that art should always portray what moves the artist. While there is no wrong or right in artistry, there must be heart and like with anything and without heart there is no enjoyment and no connection. It’s also something that I love to advise new writers on. The ones that correct and revise their body of work a hundred times in order to get it right. I’ve done it myself and you will drive yourself crazy. You see, it’s not always the perfection that matters, but the heart and the soul that is conveyed and shines through your words. How could this ever be wrong?


Here are a few of my paintings and their titles. All of them signified challenging times, but there are funny ones within the collection for another post. 😉

“Feeling blue”

“The strings of my heart”

“Chasing love”

Posted in Art, Inspiration

Natures tree 

Here is another example of what I do with the things I collect in nature and often they find a way into one of my Picasso’s (my paintings). Sometimes it’s years later that an idea comes to mind, but it’s always fun to realize the purpose these pieces apparently had all along, from the moment they caught my eye until the final creation.

This one is made in part out of twigs and moss.

Posted in Art, Inspiration

Abstract Warrior

Painting is art in creation for me. It allows me to bring to life the imagination that ultimately starts in my head. Much like writing and photography it is an outlet for me, a balance to a hectic life that could easily fall into a rut. It is storytelling, something that should speak to you the viewer and stir an emotion that makes you pause for a moment. If I can do that through my art or my writing, then I have made a difference and couldn’t be happier.

My paintings are born from my own life events, from things that inspire me, emotions that stir at me and from phases that I experience, current and past. Because of this they often become very personal to me, even though I often try to portray them on a lighter note, in a corky, playful and silly manner that takes the edge off and makes me smile.

The painting I would like to share with you today came about as I was going through some rough patches. It is named “Warrior Princess” and started as an abstract, just throwing different colors onto the canvas with no particular vision. (Letting out frustration perhaps, painting uncontrolled and outside the lines, in other words making a mess….much like life who is messy at times). Afterwards, I held the multi colored canvas to see what images would emerge and what my imagination could create. I recognized shapes of myself from within all of the colors, some faint and a lot of imagination was needed and some crystal clear and so the outline to my warrior princess was born. 

The deeper meaning of this painting stands for no matter how crazy life can get, how many different things are thrown your way (colors), remember there is always a way and you can always shine through, being that strong warrior princess you are. Xoxoxo.

Posted in Art

Puffalo Billcasso 

One of my quirky paintings and a moment where imagination did get the best of me. I hope it makes you smile and yes, I am easily amused. 

It’s a collaboration between Buffalo Bill and Pablo Picasso and that is where the silly name was born. 

Posted in Art, Buddhism, Experience, Feelings, Human spirit, Inspiration, Life, Life lessons, music, My story, Purpose driven, Self help, Spiritual awakening, Wisdom

Tired….so tired.

Ughhhh….I’m tired and if I wasn’t already, I definitely feel the holiday stresses catching up. More and more I find myself just vegetating away after work in the little time that seems to be left, playing a game on the iPad to relax and just “Be”. A game that requires no concentration while drowning out all noise as I play it in silent mode. The rest is filled with reading (my main read has been mailed off to be autographed and I’m waiting patiently for its return), when I’m not writing or another creative outlet to allow my mind to dangle carefree with not a single thought in mind. I had every intention to write this morning but my mind seems to be a bit foggy as it is resting up for another day of retail madness hahaha. I find myself sliding more and more towards the majority of people asking “Is it over yet?” and it truly makes me sad. It takes away from the true meaning of a time that should be filled with magic and wonder. I’m sure many people feel like this as the stresses mount and I hope you find time to pause and do something that allows your soul to marvel. Heck, I hope I do so myself. I feel like I’m sleeping my life away right now as I try to rest enough to stay healthy and make it through another day.
Another favorite outlet is music and art for me, which I often combine. Listening to music while creating something that is one of a kind is very soothing and feeds my ever growing need to create. It actually ties into one of the stages of spiritual awakening which will be the next chapter I write.

My paintings are fed by intuition and the events that happen in my life. Therefore they often become very personal to me as they remind me and resemble a certain time of my life. 

Here is an unfinished painting I started awhile back before I first stumbled across the article about spiritual awakening. It’s a bit creepy and you can see the similarities in my painting and the picture of the article, even though I had never seen it before. The Rays coming from the head, perhaps energy fields, waking up…..I’m not sure how my mind painted something I had never seen, something I would stumble across at a later time. You can imagine my astonishment and surprise as I saw the article. It looked strangely familiar, but I couldn’t place it at first until I saw my unfinished painting sitting in the corner, resembling those same lines emitting from the person. ??????

Creepy? What do you think….? Was my mind and subconscious trying to show me something? Divine intervention perhaps? A nudge from the divine universe?

The picture from the article I read…..

My unfinished painting….notice the lines and eyes closed in both pictures as if taking in a greater meaning, awareness, a spiritual awakening of the mind.

Posted in Art, Experience, Feelings, Human spirit, Inspiration, Life, Loss, Motivation,, My story, Purpose driven, Self help, Survival, Wisdom

The many faces of adversity 

Ah finally, another day off and it’s a Sunday. It takes me back to my german roots and remembering a time long past when the stores closed around noon on Saturday and were closed completely on Sundays. You had to do a little planning and get your shopping done prior to those times but it really wasn’t a big deal, it was a slowed down version of life. Sunday, a rest day to be spend with friends and family, to be enjoyed for relaxation and rejuvenation. Being off today brought back those memories as I was easing into my day with a delicious cup of coffee. No deadlines were waiting, no work, a day pretty much to myself and best of all a day much better then last weeks Sunday as I woke up to a violently spinning room. Sitting there in silence I found my mind traveling through all the years that had passed, some thirty years or so. So much had happened since then and the years were filled with memories of good and bad. The analytical side of me was trying to rationalize the events that had come and gone, trying to evaluate what had happened and how well I survived the bad. No doubt it could have easily been a “What if” moment, going down various roads visiting memory lane but instead I focused on the tough moments in my life. I was thinking about how I survived these times, knowing that not all of us truly are that lucky. But is luck truly required to come out ahead, to survive? I can only speak for myself but believe that if we do survive, the ways we do so are also very unique from person to person. I remember my girlfriend in Germany once commenting on my life, after another bout of struggles she was amazed of how strong I was while wondering how I do it. Well she never saw me break down and cry in the shower and the distance of living in different countries didn’t help much either. 

“Warrior Princess”
Some things are out of our control and life happens, but personally I believe that it is up to us how we choose to wear the scars of adversity. Whether we fight for our beliefs or whether circumstances coax us to falter, in the end the choice is ours. There are only two ways, the easy way out or the path of the warrior. I remembered the times that I wanted to falter, the pain and finding myself near depression. Everything was so gray with nothing to look forward to and it seemed so much easier to give in. I was so tired of having to be so strong all the time. In the end I choose to wear my scars as my best attire, a beautiful dress made out of hellfire. Today I just wear the war bonnet 😉 and continue to fight the good fight. That doesn’t mean that I enjoy the pain, but it remains to be the only way to stay true to myself. 

I know that the events of the past influenced the person I am now, but hopefully they influenced me in a positive way instead of becoming bitter. It’s tough when it happens, it’s never convenient and most likely life packs a big punch of pain and a hard lesson to learn when it hits.

“What the F…” 😉

One of the things I’m most proud of is that over the years I learned to look at these events in a different way. I don’t have to like them, but I control the amount of frustration that I dedicate to those moments. I simply don’t give them that much power anymore. I don’t remember that something ever changed by getting myself all worked up and upset about it other than perhaps my health deteriorating. It’s not worth it to me but that wasn’t the only reason and I took it a little further. I learned to look for something positive. The lesson that was to be learned and the silver lining that would help me remain an optimist. No wisdom is ever a simple given, but it’s earned through adversity and pain, through our life experiences. After all it is those times that shape us into who we ultimately become? Without them life passes us by with no significant memory and value. It becomes a day passed in time and we may miss the lesson all together. It takes somethings that shakes us to the core, makes us pause and makes us feel something. 

“Unreachable love”

I believe that adversity is also the bearer of talents that would otherwise have gone unnoticed. I started painting about ten years ago and it has become a creative outlet in which I often express various stages of my own life. My photography and my vision of what I want to capture and convey was born out of adversity, as well as now my passion for writing. All good distractions from a sometimes serious life that make me feel good today. So is adversity all that bad I wonder? Can we learn to embrace it, no matter how painful it might be? Can we realize that while we appreciate the person that we have become, that we also have to remember that it would have not been possible without those very painful experiences that molded our very being? 

This brings me to the memory of my last U2 Innocence and Experience concert. It was my third concert and whether you like U2 or not, Bono is a storyteller and a big figure for various world activities such as ending poverty. He was introducing the song “Iris” which was written for his mother who had passed away in 1974, two years before U2 was formed. Just before the song started he said that the death of his mother (Adversity) had left him an artist and somehow this statement hit home with me and I found it relevant to my own experiences. And while I wished that I could have gone without some of those experiences in my life, I highly doubt it that I would have emerged the same person I am today. A bittersweet trade but perhaps it is those points that can help us embrace and conquer the moments when adversity strikes. Maybe it will be those moments that save us in more than one way and are the founders of our wisdom.

“The count of Monte Crispo” and yes that is the title and it’s no typo 😉
I can’t help but wonder if you noticed any talents emerge for yourself. If anything has changed for you from going through a tough time or if you feel and have similar thoughts. 

I recently participated in a 3 day quote challenge and was amazed by the responses of my nominees. The choice of quotes selected showed the survival of such adversities, the pain that was associated with it and the personal stories of becoming a survivor and a warrior on the path of life. So it is with no surprise that I want to mention some very special people here of which personal stories have become a big part to me in my short time on WordPress. I dedicate this post to you, the fighters and the Warriors, the ones that make a difference in the life of others and to the few of many I have come to value so much. And if I have left you out, please know that I value all of you, my followers who care what I want to convey, you are all special to me and I’m simply just getting to know your story a little bit closer to be included in the next shout out.

This one was created from my hand print and was a gift for my precious niece Leni who is already years beyond her age, a visionary at a young age and a truly special old soul.

I included a few of my paintings and I think I will go and paint a little today on this cool windy Sunday while listening to some calming music in the background. It seems like the perfect day to let the creativity flow. 
Have a great Sunday everybody 

Xoxoxo ❤️

And the last one “She conquered Mountains” 

Posted in Art, Experience, Inspiration, Life, Motivation,, My story, Photography, Purpose driven, Self help, Spiritual awakening, Survival

Perception-Truth or Judment…YOU decide! 

Food for thought…
By now I had plenty of opportunities to learn that things are hardly ever as they seem. Especially when it comes to the truth in comparison to how they appear to our perception, the ego. Either a big sigh of relief engulfs us when things turn out better as we expected them to be, or a hint of disappointment creeps up when the situation varies from the mental short film of our expectations that burned itself into our minds. Perhaps we encountered a different reaction in regards to our efforts, maybe the reaction was non-existent all together. What a waste of time I might have thought in the past when basic courtesies fell to the wayside and I was left with no choice other then to check it off due to a lack of appreciation and gratitude. Our perception forms what we believe it to be the truth, based on little to no facts, which eventually cause us to either stop doing those things all together, or we stop caring.
Sad…when you think about how often the truth is passed up when we let only perception rule our lives.
They say that the perception of somebody becomes their truth and somehow this never sat well with me. I didn’t want to believe in it and although I knew it to be the truth of many, I didn’t wanted it to be my truth. I had seen too many hurt in the process of perception as it does not know the “real truth”, the deciding facts which without lead to false impressions, judgement and pain. By no means am I saying that first impressions are not important, and on many occasions my initial gut feeling was right on in seizing a situation. I guess I’m trying to invoke the consideration of giving perception the doubt in the pursuit of the facts, the truth, more love for each other, more compassion and less pain.
Perception may be the furthest from the truth and yet it is somebody’s truth. Imagine what could be if we helped change that perception! Especially if it is a negative one as positive perceptions seldom require change. Imagine what could be if we stopped our own negative perception dead in its tracks!!! If we continued to listen to our hearts vs. letting the reaction of others rule what we wanted to do!!! Wasn’t there a reason why we did something the begin with and didn’t we do those things out of the kindness of our heart?

Shouldn’t we continue to be who we are, regardless of others and their perception of us? So how can we do that you might wonder and once again I can only speak from my own experiences. My choice is not to jump to conclusion, to learn the facts, by giving somebody the time of the day, by not passing judgement and becoming aware of my own thoughts.

I know I’m a dreamer filled with hope, maybe a little naive at times but always convinced about the good in the world and that anything is possible if we put our mind to it….so….Wouldn’t that be a wild idea and worth trying?

Posted in Art, Experience, Inspiration, Life, Motivation,, My story, Photography, Purpose driven, Self help, Spiritual awakening, Survival, Uncategorized, Wisdom

Introvert – Extrovert

My social life was hardly existing these days and only a few routines remained. As I sat in silence, I took comfort in what had become a popular activity in addition to writing. I was reflecting, and I was reflecting on anything and everything. I was searching for answers in my quest to understand. Since my social media break from Facebook, I seemed to have vanished into thin air amongst the people I used to communicate with on a regular basis. The occasional post from me received few likes or for that matter very little engagement and correspondence. I had distanced myself during the journey of finding my purpose. I knew people couldn’t relate with my Age of Enlightenment and I understood that we find ourselves in different places of our life’s, with some people trailing ahead of us while others travel behind us. I was quiet and I didn’t share much and at times I almost felt a little forgotten.

Pinterest had become my new best friend and I pinned everything that appealed to me visually. I had always liked pictures and besides being the family paparazzi, a nickname I had gotten many years ago, I was an avid photographer,trying to capture my vision through my lens. I had an eye for composition and for what I wanted the end result to look like. I was used to my pictures speaking to people and the compliments I received when I shared them. I had even won a photo contest with a picture of a weed. Hard to believe that this little weed that most people would never notice, got an award and public recognition. It was of the highest compliment to me and it came unexpected. But it also solidified what I was trying to accomplish and that was to shed a new view on to something overlooked or on to a subject that was photographed a million times before. What could I bring to it that was new, inspiring and hip? It was my motto and something that fueled my inspiration.

My pins quickly rose to 4.2K and I had lost track of how many boards I had created by now. I pinned a lot to one particular board that I had named my personal mantra board. It contained quotes, I’m a sucker for quotes by the way, and wisdom for today’s life experiences. It was the confirmation for my journey, the wisdom others had experienced and I wasn’t alone anymore. Nor was I losing my mind with my gibberish talk of spiritual awakening which had fallen on to def ears.

And then it happened and the number of my followers started to rise. I was pinning for myself, for my own sanity and for nobody else, but people started to relate in particular to this one board. People started to join my journey and people started to follow me. Anew I felt confirmation that there was a need, something people needed to hold on to, to pull them through, to let them know that they are not alone, perhaps a reassurance that what they were experiencing was normal. I felt good that my research, my pinning and what spoke to my soul, perhaps had created a little corner of understanding and a haven of comfort for others.

Sitting there, alone, with a few hours to spare before work, I let my mind run free. Are we born as introverts or extroverts? What are the determining factors of becoming either? How is it decided, is it a gene or through personal attributes? Mmmmmh, an interesting concept I thought as the thoughts were rushing to mind. I decided not to research what the experts had to say or what the scientific study revealed. It was my own truth that I was after and I wasn’t looking for an opinion that fit the masses based on an x-amount of people. I knew that the answer would be formed from on my own experiences and I believed the answer was very personal. It would be unique to every individual as we all have our own story and it is the path of life that molds us into who we ultimately become.

And with that said, I realized that life had made me an introvert at the age of ten…

Posted in Art, Buddhism, Experience, Inspiration, Life, Motivation,, My story, Photography, Purpose driven, Self help, Spiritual awakening, Survival, Wisdom

The journey of my warrior…

My “Journey” had become somewhat of a lonely path. Well, I’ll take that back and maybe I shouldn’t go to the extreme of saying lonely, but it was definitely one that was experienced mainly in solitude and by myself. I couldn’t explain some of the feelings I was experiencing but I didn’t get hung up on that too much. While I was spending time to analyze what was going on, I wanted to be aware as well and go with the flow of how life was unfolding itself for me. The time was “Now” and I knew that I was forging a path that would speak to my soul and leave conventional traditions behind. I didn’t know what had become so wrong with conventional tradition, but I was ready to make some traditions of my own. My life felt like a rebellion to my very existence and it wasn’t for the rebellion sake, but for the sake of finding a greater meaning. For the sake of changing an existence into a life worth living. Some days were full of experiences, only to find days and weeks ahead with nothing happening. It was as if life was giving me time to process everything and to prepare me for my next lesson. I was excited and motivated as I traveled this new path and I wanted to share my experience. There had to be others and perhaps it was confirmation that I was looking for myself while giving inspiration to the ones that were traveling behind me to keep going. But almost every time it felt as if people couldn’t relate with what I was experiencing, I was in uncharted waters myself and decided to keep to myself. Why make others feel uncomfortable when it was hard to make sense of things myself?

There was an abundance of wisdom that I seemed to have acquired overnight, but looking at it closer, I know that it took many experiences and years to form such. Now, it was merely that all of the pieces where falling into place to find their rightful home within my life. It was progress and it was not to be rushed. Like all good things it would take time and like a bystander I had a front row seat to watch it all unfold. There it was again, that out of body experience as if I was observing the reveal of my own life. It was up to me to make sense of the signs and to learn the lessons it was to bring. And one of the biggest and most important factors I found, it was up to me what my frame of mind was going to be. How I would interpret what was to come, was I going to love what was next, would I celebrate and feel achieved or would I get hurt and end up bitter?

I didn’t spend much time on social media anymore and status updates fell to the way side. I tried to check in on friends and family to stay somewhat connected and to comment onto their life happenings, but I’m sure I must have come across as aloof, maybe even self absorbed as if I didn’t care anymore. Of course that was not the case, but it was also the perception that might have rung truth with some people. I felt a distance, as if my life had become a little more un-interactive with others. Since I had nothing to say and to share on the pretend life of social media, perhaps there was not much to be shared with me. I was dedicating much time to writing and most days were filled jotting my thoughts into words. My art, my paintings and my photography took a backseat these days and while I still shot pictures, they mainly stayed on the memory card of my camera unless they were pictures involving Rhapsody Bohème.

People must have thought that I had gone nuts, talking about spiritual awakening, vortex healing, the power of now, my new found interest in Buddhism and the bohemian lifestyle. Heck, I even created and visualized my inner warrior, perhaps my alter ego wearing a Native American headdress in the fight of creating the life I envisioned for myself. The war bonnet was my symbol to be actively involved in the creation process instead of letting life pass me by. In a way it felt as if too much of that had already happened and I needed to fight and stand up for my new found beliefs. Fantasy, role play or motivation to hold on to, who knew why and how this piece was going to make sense. It spoke to my spirit and it didn’t matter all that much, without resisting to intervene I was more than just being along for the ride. I was my own motivation in the pursuit of matter and the freedom of my uncaged spirit.

I am Rhapsody Bohème, warrior and creator of my life….