Posted in Inspiration, Journey, Oracle Cards

Every journey starts with a single step

We take such steps every day, and we are on a journey every day. Our life is a sequence of events, choices, decisions and experiences. I think much work takes place on the sidelines, behind the curtain where we don’t always see the results and the fruit of our labor materialize until much later and sometimes when hindsight steps in. Fact is that change, wisdom and growth takes time and doesn’t happen overnight. There is no true way to measure our progress until all of a sudden we arrived at a crossroads we have to choose once more. So the conscious effort we put in today may not show up until a later point when we long forgot about that particular moment or even all the effort it took. Maybe we don’t even know when it began and really, it’s not that important anyways. What matters is that we took that initial first step. One must believe that a cumulative effort and the persistence of such will eventually show up in the material world and pay off. How else can we keep going and stay the course?

I drew this oracle card today and I am no stranger to it. It comes at a perfect time at the end of one month, at the doorway to a new beginning. While I have been on a journey for the entirety of my life, most of it was not on a conscious level until the past four years. Within those years came many lessons as well as break through, aha moments and a heightened sense of awareness and ability to learn while striving for change. While I am still on the same journey, a new chapter, a new door has opened. Every new experience can seem intimidating and frightening to most, but I am no longer anxious and worried about those times. They all bring lessons and I trust that the right people and experiences will find me. That what is for me will be provided. Each day we are tested anew to remember how far we have come and to put to the test what we have learned.

This card is a reminder for me. A reminder that whether we are aware or get sucked up into daily life, we are on a journey, each and every day. Progress is made when we are conscious of it, when we acknowledge our awareness, do the work and not turn our head the other way. Just think of all the lessons you have learned already and all that still lies ahead. Are you eager to learn, to grow, to master each step or have the lessons indeed become tough luck and a difficult experiences? Perhaps past experiences have frightened you into taking another step and you need a rest on the sidelines. If you do, know that even here the magic still happens and there are no written rules or guidelines how long it takes to master a step. Take your time and rest assured, everything is as it should be. Trust…

Look at your experiences and see how they have prepared you for what’s to come. Everything you need is within you already and trust me, you don’t need to have all the answers just yet. I have learned that in time every little shred of information and knowledge will reveal itself to you. This thought brings me strengths and helps me to keep going. I remind myself that there will always be a hill to climb, a new experience waiting to be learned, a new journey that needs to be added to our arsenal of wisdom and knowledge. Believe in the process and you are nearly there. The universe loves a brave soul and heart and so do I.

Posted in Chronic illness, Health, My story, Pain

A little jumpstart

Every couple of years, it seems that I need a little external help. A little jump start if you will. It’s a time when a little break from my Constant is required to get my thoughts straight and leave the pain behind for a bit. Sadly until now it has required medical intervention which I am not fond of and I hope to change and eliminate this to a continued and full-time holistic approach as time passes.

When I look back over the past 16 years, my chronic dis-ease has gone mainly untreated when it comes to the harsh pharmaceuticals. I am happy and proud of that fact and the knowing that I even been in remission a few times. I am grateful for all the changes that I have been able to implement so far and I am already giving thanks to the ones still ahead of me. I am happy to be in a position where I have more time and even better means to take care of myself, where I can make myself the priority most of the time and there are plenty of things I can still do. But like with everyone, life get’s in the way sometimes with increased hardships and this is such a time for me.

I have been through a lot over the past 8 months. Huge lifestyle changes accompanied by tons of stress has overshadowed my life enough to bring strain, worries and perhaps even fear to my life. But it has also been the most magnificent transformation time for me and there have been many good things. I can see my new direction and the progress that has been made. It’s all I need to keep going and there is no turning back from here. Not that I would want to, yet it still does take a toll.

For me it has resulted in flare ups of the rheumatoid arthritis and constant pain. A debilitating experience that takes away any life quality. A strenuous existence that commands your attention as the simplest of tasks become the biggest and often the most impossible challenges. Nothing gnaws on you more than constant pain. It certainly is hard to stay positive and eventually the days become more and more hopeless despite your positive outlook and all the self help knowledge you have gathered. Nothing seems to work during that time.

There has been a little break after my last doctors visit. More tests are still outstanding and further visits are due I’m sure, but for the first time in a long long time I have experienced a day that I would consider a day without pain. Maybe it wasn’t completely absent and there are still things that present a challenge or cause difficulty, but everything appeared much, much easier. There wasn’t a constant strain, a constant level of pain, and boy does it do wonders for your overall feel of wellness and life quality. I felt alive vs. just existing and fighting my way through the day. And that with minimal help. While I have been following and incorporating the topical solution for my knee twice a day, the pills that I am suppose to take twice a day, I have taken only once since my visit last Friday. They are peace of mind for when the tough gets unbearable, but I don’t take them just to take them. I know they come with side effects, so the peace of mind is only in regards to pain and not any further damage they might bring.

However and most notable is that during this short break, I feel restored and full of hope once more. It takes just a little interference, that tiniest break to dig out the motivation and jump onto the band wagon with even more gusto than ever before. More remedies are waiting to be implemented as I heal my body and eliminate more obligations and stress that has weight me down over the course of a lifetime. What a time to be alive. I am truly grateful and this little jump start has done wonders.

Posted in Awakening, Inspiration, Life

The wish to have started sooner

Have you ever wished that you’ve started sooner? That you had taken the spiritual path earlier and had all “that time” still ahead of you. Time to feel with this intensity and to possess this kind of wisdom. That you had learned earlier how to navigate this life more thoroughly. Ah, yes…perhaps many of us have felt this way and had such a wish. A girlfriend once told me that she wished she would have met her current partner earlier in life. To perhaps still be at a age to have children together and simply to have had many more years together. I get it and I understand, yet life doesn’t work this way. Look at my own Mother who met my Father early in life and who lost him at such a young age and way too soon. He was her soulmate and they met early on in life, yet their future together was denied and he tragically died way before his time. Fact is there are no guarantees in life and often divine timing plays a crucial role. Perhaps at a younger age and with a lack of experiences, my friend and her partner wouldn’t have been able to appreciate each other like they do now. Everything has purpose and meaning, even though it appears like such a waste of time sometimes when so much time seems lost.

Life doesn’t happen in the perfect way and the position we find ourselves in now is because of the very lessons we have experienced. Life is a ride that twists and turns. Sometimes we enjoy the grandeur views and sometimes we end up in the darkest of depths. How many times did it take us to get lost, in order to find ourselves and our way? That’s what makes the entire experience even more fulfilling. At this point, your are doing better than you ever have before. You have changed, and you are turning out beautifully. You have changed for the better. You might be exactly where you want to be, but you are on your way. You are advancing in ways you might not even see yet and one day you will look back in hindsight and smile as it will become clear as day that you were exactly where you were meant to be.

These days you are fighting for inner peace whereas in the past you just accepted the chaos . You thought it was part of life, but now you are learning that it doesn’t have to be. You are waiving goodbye to this kind of energy and you are responding more from a space of stability. You are more in tune with your surroundings and what is going on. You have become picky and choosy with what and who is allowed into your life. These upgrades are changing your life as you become more forgiving, more loving, and more observant.

So trust that you are not late. The breakthroughs that are on their way to you wouldn’t be as special if you had them from the very start. This is all by design. In divine timing and exactly how it is meant to be.

Posted in Inspiration, Transformation, Witches

Ostara – Spring Equinox

Excerpt from my magical planner by Amy Cesari.

I found it very fitting for my current now, on the brink of so much transformation as and transitioning. The open house is today and my house of 20 years could very well sell. Today is a perfect day to dream big and I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the open house falls on today’s Ostara. Also today 3 years ago I joined in greatness with my soul sister who would become an important person on this path. I can’t help but smile that this is what I named it, but already then I knew that together we would accomplish a great many of things.

For today’s Spring Equinox, Amy talks about an epic broom ride and to visualize your most magical self. So let’s play along, let’s stir up a little magic and come fly with me.

On the Spring Equinox, journey through the veil of consciousness into whatever life you desire – in true witch style – on a broom.

The identity of “Witch” gives you the power to transform. 🙏🏼 The strength is especially potent at the Spring Equinox where seasonal energies are clambering to make things grow.

Prepare: Reflect on who you would be as your highest and best self. Picture it and write it down. (Dedicated! Contributing! Studios! Loving! Confident! Aligned with your best self!)

Things you’ll need: A ceremonial broom (optional). A cauldron of incense for visioning and desks such as mugwort, rose, or Angelica.

Cast the spell: Dit comfortably with your broom nearby. Light your cauldron. Grasp the broom and close your eyes. If you’re called to stand instead – do so. Say whatever words you desire, perhaps something like,

With the power of my minds eye let me move forward, let this broom fly!

I’m the theatre of your mind, stride your broom and fling yourself up into the air. Shoot through time and space in whatever direction you like, into the future of you-your highest self.

Witness yourself flying over any obstacles or fears. You may see scenes or craggy black rocks beneath you. Fly over it, moving past at will.

Then, slow your broom and look down to see your highest self joyfully living the life of your dreams below you. Fly down and merge with this version of you, the best and most magical iteration of you that you can imagine.

Then fly home with a renewed sense of self. Envision the route back to where you began. Open your eyes. Ground yourself, and make sure to write notes about what you saw on your broom ride, and who you became on the journey.

Posted in Inspiration, Spirituality

The Faery Star

Picture: Yahoo

Have you heard of the faery star? To me it sounds magical, perhaps a star of magic and wonder. Where the world is magnificent and filled with hope and stories of old tales and make belief.

The septagram, or Faery Star, is used instead of, or with, the Pentagram by many Faerie and Celtic based traditions. The seven points represent the Sun, the Forest (or Wood), the Sea, Magic, the Moon, the Wind, and Connection (or Spirit.)

An alternative set of definitions test upon use of the Faerie or Elven Star as a gateway to the Otherworld; each point of the Star is one of the entrances to the Faerie Realm, a pathway, or the 7 rays of manifestation of the Higher Self, as follows.

  • 1st point – Power, Personal Will and Determination
  • 2nd point – Unconditional Love, Wisdom, and Growth
  • 3rd point – Knowledge and Intelligence
  • 4th point – Harmony and Tranquility
  • 5th point – Powers of Mind and Science
  • 6th point – Devotion and Honesty
  • 7th point – Magic

The points blend with each other, nurturing and joining us as one with the Universe, bestowing personal and spiritual transformation.

The hopeless romantic and dreamer in me, beliefs that this is beautiful. It leaves me inspired in my crafty ventures to make a piece of jewelry or other artifact using the Faery Star as it’s motivation. Would you wear it or display it somehow?

Posted in Inspiration, Spirit animals

A sleepy start

I didn’t sleep all that well the night before vacation. Technically, vacation had started the moment I walked away from work, but I was still stuck in overdrive mode, trying to get everything done. Water the plants, pay a few bills, car registration, tasks, chores, tasks and then some more of the same. 

I had planned to get up at 4AM and early mornings always bring a bit anxiety. And there I was, lying wide awake, but despite the anticipated wee hours, it wasn’t the sole reason for my restlessness and I knew it. The owl remained on my mind and the sight of it lingered. Although not immediately obvious. I have since learned a much better understanding of the owl and will only associate it with good fortune as I’m sure that I will see it again. The messenger of the underworld, announcer of death is not meant in a literal sense but more as a transitional state that signals upcoming changes in your life. I would also love to thank my dear friend at BLT for helping me clarify this through further research and by shedding her own perspective. I’m convinced….

But on that particular night, my peace was disturbed and it only became more evident in hindsight. It must have been around midnight that I finally fell asleep and the remaining four hours of rest were more like napping. A light sleep that included wake up periods and waiting for the alarm to go off. Usually it’s pretty frustrating when this happens and the little time left is always filled with tossing and turning. And of course it wasn’t any different on this night.

I felt sick after I got up, the kind of sick you feel when you know that you didn’t get enough sleep. Head pounding, nauseous and dizzy was how I started my day, chugging one glass of water after another to hydrate and offset the way I was feeling. Somewhat successful I made decent time, packing the last few things while grabbing a snack. It was 5:45 AM, I was out the door and on my way. The memory of the owl had vanished for the most part as I made my sleepy journey towards town. There I would meet up and finally get on the way of the adventure I had been fevering towards.

It was still dark outside as I drove around the dry lake, an extension of the great salt flats of Salt Lake City. The lake-bed was now filled with water after all the recent rain and snow, as I noticed a pair of eyes glaring back at me. I slowed down to a cautious approach and couldn’t immediately make out the shape of the animal ahead of me. Perhaps a small coyote as it was not tall enough for a deer. That thought changed quickly as I noticed the body even closer to the ground. In an instance the face turned towards me and revealed the most beautiful burglar mask and the most beautiful sight of that moment. It was a raccoon, one of my favorites, but then which animal isn’t my favorite. The sight immediately brought a smile to my face and peace was restored. It had to be a good trip now and it’s always the small things such as being in the presence of animals that always become one of the biggest moments for me. It’s like a huge honor being bestowed upon me as I’m allowed to see all of gods magnificent creatures. Being able to witness and observe, to share a moment in time with another spirit, another living being.  

After the owl incident the night before, I was curious of the symbolic meaning of the raccoon and believed it to be another sign. 
Here is what I found about it. 
“You will be receiving some great news” Raccoon
If a raccoon has crossed your path, you are possibly being asked to let go of a situation, person, belief or habit. Conversely it could also mean that you should accept the gifts that are being offered to you right now by the universe. (And I was about to receive an awesome 4 day get away, a retreat to nature, to myself to restore my strength and my well being).

This animal could also be reminding you to leave no stone unturned in your quest for resolution with a current problem you are facing. Take the time to look at the whole picture – the seen and the unseen to find the resolution. 
My mind was sparked with intuition from the hawk, a gift to see clearly and beyond, the transitional state that was awaiting my life as signaled by the owl and the encouragement to let go, to surrender, but to do my research in my quest for resolution and change announced by the raccoon. 
Do you believe in spirit animals? 

Photo Credit: Christopher Ameruoso 

Posted in Human spirit, Inspiration, Life

What will you choose?

I saw something today I felt was worth sharing and I believe it will always be a relevant topic. It’s an experience we will all face in this lifetime, some sooner and some later.

It was in my later adult years that I learned about the battle between the heart and the mind. The heart that so often feels too much and the mind that can send us into analysis paralysis, overthinking everything. My influences from the outside along with my own and what I gathered from people I met, even friends, always mimicked the same end result. The heart mostly stayed in the background and was always portrayed as too vulnerable, something that was capable of great pain. It was frightening to most people and something that had to be protected at any cost, even if that meant to hide and lock it away. People were afraid to get hurt and this was the only way they knew to avoid the pain. They avoided the beginning so no end had to be faced. For me it always felt like I was talking to a shell, a barrier that never revealed the true self and if glimpses did come through, they were carefully selected and quickly curbed to be held at bay. It was like a play where a certain role was to be played and the mask one would wear was determined by the subject, the opponent and even the situation.

To protect thy true self, the mind quickly took over the job of covering the heart, of hiding it and putting up a false front. To build that perfect illusion, that untouchable, unscalable wall. Tall and strong it stood analyzing everything behind it’s unshakable facade. It was so powerful nobody would dare attempt to climb it. It was daunting and intimidating to anyone who’d considered to search for the easily wounded heart that surely had to be in there somewhere. Daily it was weighing outcomes and every possibility, it was striving to be in control, to protect and save thyself from the feared pain of feeling. After a short while it became like clockwork, second nature and a way of life. It was doing a great job while the old self slowly died a little more each day. Perhaps this was the price to be paid to be immune, to feel less and to avoid pain. How little did the all mighty mind knew that nothing in life was free and even losing oneself is a heavy price to pay. A mastermind so smart perhaps it just didn’t want to think about it. After all this was their time, their time to shine, to do a job not to be diluted and distracted.

Along came others of the same likes, others who shared the same story and the same life experiences. Different yet very similar they too had gotten hurt by making their hearts too vulnerable for others to attack. How foolish they have been to trust and hope that nobody would take advantage of them while their heart was wide open. Soon they began to share experiences and in these stories lied confirmation and reassurance that one must had chosen wisely and did the right thing. Like machines and robots, the analytical mind was striving as if it had gotten a promotion or won some other valuable prize. Everything was good, there was no need to change anything and much more time passed in the process of it.

But like all lessons, the experiences kept repeating until the lesson would be learned. In time the ruling of the mind felt like a lonely place, a place that only allowed a part of you to exist. If the mind did such a great job, how was it possible that you cried yourself to sleep! Why did you feel so lonely, lying awake for hours, going over the same thoughts over and over again, never finding resolve, questioning your existence and your purpose! Why did you feel so incomplete and why did the old ways of doing things and protecting your heart no longer serve you! Everything had been going to plan hasn’t it? Most likely you even avoided some painful moments from the outside influence.

Well dear friend, there is no plan for life and our story. We don’t know ahead of time how it is meant to unfold and we are definitely not in control of it no matter how much the mind would like to be. Life will always have a plan on it’s own, often turning out completely different than you planned it during these sleepless nights. I’d say you have arrived at a point where suppressing that hidden part of you doesn’t feel right anymore. Once here, there is no going back and the incompletion and what you locked away for so many years is begging stronger and stronger to come out. How could that be when the mind did such a great job! I would tell you that you have outgrown your old ways and I would smile through the pain and terror on your face in the hopes to instill comfort and trust. I would welcome you at the doorstep of your new life. Your safety cocoon, your old ways, and yes…even the comfort zone and protection you worked so hard to put in place are now in dire need of an upgrade. Somehow the old ways weren’t enough anymore and there surely had to be more to life than this. How many times have you asked yourself that question?

Now with time come to pass you grew curious and curiosity foremost involves change. It involves a willingness to experience the new and grow. It involves entering the path of a new life and breaking from the old. Change in return requires courage and bravery. You have to take a leap of faith, trust the unseen, be ok with not knowing all the details, and yes… you will even unlearn everything you’ve been taught and let go in the process of it. Letting go of the control you have summoned, of that wall, of analyzing everything, of proving and protecting yourself, and finally let go of your old way of life. And while you do all of that, you have to remember to meet yourself with forgiveness and the highest level of self – love. Such a love that is unconditional and makes you your biggest fan and supporter. Because while your big heart has learned to forgive others, it is YOU who deserves second chances as well. YOU will always be your highest investment.

Fact is that being able to feel makes us feel alive and is the difference between a robot on auto-pilot and a human being. And who doesn’t want to feel alive! It is the difference between living and merely existing. Your heart already knows how to heal itself. It’s your mind that you need to convince to let go of the old patterns that keep you up at night, that destroy you and make you cry over and over again. You know that you can’t go back there again. Not after what you learned and there is only going forward that is left for you at this point.

So what about the pain and the vulnerability that you are exposed to wearing your heart on your sleeve? You will never be able to fully protect yourself and you will have experiences good and bad. In the end they are all good if you learn to see the lesson in them. This very outlook becomes your protection from others and yourself. Maybe that wall kept others from hurting you, but you had nobody else to blame but yourself for the pain of loneliness and incompletion. It was you who’ve built that monster. Take a chance now and believe that your imperfections will attract the people and the experiences you really need. It is time and you didn’t arrive here by accident.

What will you choose in the end? As a last piece of advice, I’d tell you to trust, trust and trust. Don’t interfere but learn to be flexible. Go with the flow. Drop expectations and set yourself up for beautiful surprises. Put yourself first and be your biggest fan. Love with all your heart and don’t hide it anymore. Be quick to forgive even if you do get attacked…for they don’t know what they are doing. Maybe forgiveness is not what they deserve but you deserve your inner peace and freedom. Stop competing. This is not a contest and none of us get out of here alive. And finally, give yourself credit, you are braver than you think and your heart will thank you for it. After all, every journey starts with one single Step.

Posted in Destiny, Dreams, Home sweet Home, Inspiration

News from the land-front

Progress continues on the land-front and it’s been a lot of work clearing the overgrown landscape. While being blessed with an unexpected sewer connection and saving a nice chunk of money, there has been no luck in finding a water connection as well. Some time this week I will pay the roughly 5K connection fee to be hooked up to water. Further fees to be paid will go to the electric company for an engineer to come to the property and give an estimate of what and how much dollars are involved to run electric. From there a meeting with a contractor will be arranged to level what you see here in the picture and what will be the driveway some day. A platform for the house needs to be made and a trench dug for the sewer / water connection, running down to the bottom of the property. Once that is in place, a foundation needs to be poured which hopefully will all happen before the winter to be able to move onto the land and start building the main house come spring next year.

In the meantime, I have finished the plan for the house and between now and spring I will need to find an architect to help draw it to actual measurements and help with permits etc. We have also started to utilize the fallen aspen tree trunks to build a natural looking fence as you see here. Some will be filled in with dirt as the steep slope coming in from the road needs to be graded. Still I think it looks pretty cool. There are 12 wooden posts that were already on the property and which will be kept. Part lining the driveway, with the last 4 on the left nestling on this side of what will be as 20 ft garage. The house sits right behind it to maximize the view and most likely some of the pines will be thinned out a bit at a later time.

There is so much excitement but also a bit anxiety that goes into all of this given that I have never build a home before. I am rooting for myself and my fingers are tightly crossed that all will find it’s way as it must. And most of all that the move in date will be earlier rather than later sometime next year.

Posted in Attitude, Awareness, Choices, Pain

Sacred mornings

It wasn’t always this way and there was a time, many years actually, that I struggled with getting up early. Every minute was calculated when my day started to the sound of an alarm clock and I would stay in bed as long as possible. And I wasn’t a morning person at all. Not unfriendly but definitely not chatty either. After all my time was carefully measured and every minute was allocated to getting ready and out the door.

Being self retired now, I still sleep in here and there when my body needs to catch up from nights and days that are full of pain and little rest. It’s a freedom I am grateful to have and one I don’t ever take for granted. Mom taught me early on to save for a nest egg and with our combined efforts, I have managed four blissful years off the rat race and the hamster wheel. But it hasn’t always been like living on Easy Street and it’s not a life of roses every day. You have to be committed to different priorities and reevaluate what is important to you. For me it boiled down to change and knowing that it was eminent and required for survival and if I wanted to see a future.

Today, my mornings have become sacred to me and oftentimes I am up early, just easing my way into the day. It’s simply blissful when everything is still quiet and a new day is just starting. It is mornings like these when I am in little pain, that I harness this energy and that particular feeling to give me strengths for the days when I am in more pain. All too well I know how quickly a positive attitude goes out the door when I am struggling. Pain overshadows everything, it just simply does and it’s hard to hold on when those days strike. So remembering the good times, the mornings of bliss, a few hours in time that truly allowed us to be peaceful inside, are the best nourishments I can think of. Feelings carry us, good and bad, both are a part of life, but the ones we choose to hold on to when we are in the right frame of mind and able to do so, those are always up to us.