My guilty “choices” and conscience

I can’t help but feel that some things fell a little short while I was in Germany. Some of it was my leisure time and my mind keeps wandering back to two special people I had planned to meet during my 2 1/2 month long stay. Sadly that never happened and perhaps deep down I had an inkling this might transpire this way. After all I didn’t come to Germany on a vacation and there was much emotional and physical stuff that needed to be worked through.

Not seeing these two wasn’t a matter of transportation since I was mobile for the most part. So what was it then? I’m going to be very candid with myself because I don’t believe in excuses about being too busy and the likes of it. If something is important, we will make the time and we will always make it happen, regardless. So what am I saying here…am I giving the impression that these people simply weren’t important enough for me??? This statement couldn’t be further from the truth and yet, my time expired and I never got to meet my dear blogger friend Irene and the awesome Streets of Nuremberg photographer/blogger Marcus. It was a few years back that I got to meet Marcus for the first time on a Blogger Meeting and we have been friends ever since. It was during our meeting that Marcus gifted me a beautiful mug with his blog / photography logo on it and I have used it most every day while I was in Germany. I still hold very fond memories of our initial meeting that I will forever hold dear in my heart.

Irene on the other hand, I sadly never had the pleasure of meeting in person. This would have been our first time and up until then, we continuously stayed in contact. We’ve known each other for quite some time now and I feel that we share much common ground. There is an understanding that does not require words. There is a seeing each other for what is true, raw, vulnerable and authentic. Although we have never met, it doesn’t feel like that at all. As a matter of fact, I feel connected to her from a way of the heart-space and she has gone out of her way to support me and help me through the journey that was Germany. I couldn’t have asked more and there truly wasn’t a stone she left unturned to make our meeting possible. Many times we wrote each other, exited about finally meeting, and I am truly sad this never happened. It’s worse than feeling sad…I feel awful, like someone that broke his/her word. That disappointed and gave false hope and information.

I couldn’t have foretold how Germany would transpire and along with challenges such as no running water at the house, getting sick and family obligations, my time was used based on priorities. I believe it’s always priorities in our lives as to why some things happen and others don’t. It is the honest truth no matter how terrible it sounds. Not being the priority sound like someone or something is less important and is therefore put on the back burner. I know that this wasn’t the case for me, but I knew that the little free time that I had needed to go to someone who I felt needed me more at that time. I had to make a choice so I could live with my conscience and I can’t say that I sacrificed my time because being able to be there was important for me too. Still I feel bad of having missed a meeting with these two wonderful people and I can only hope life will present me with another chance.