Posted in Awareness, Inspiration, Journey, Love

Re-center in love

Art by Salem Waters

Love is the answer to everything and yet sometimes we forget. The most profound memory I have to love being the answer is when I was in Germany during my ten month stay with Mom. She was very ill and it was the year before her passing. Many hard feelings from her side came to the surface and she was lashing out at me with words that cut like a knife. It was years of suppressed anger concerning a decisions I made that left her feeling as if I didn’t choose her, but rather left her behind. There came a day when I realized that that anger had to be released, it had to be spoken and voiced before peace and forgiveness could take place. But realization was more im hindsight and at the time it was hard to see it for what it was. Some of the things I experienced at that time were beyond hard and hurtful to hear. I even had to walk away from her a few times. Perhaps because I was going through my own motions, and I wasn’t going to let her see how badly she was wounding me. Now I look at it and I wouldn’t hide behind pride or fear or whatever emotion that prevented me to show my feelings ever again. They would be on a platter, open, honestly, raw, in all its vulnerability.

And then something changed. I let her rant and rave. I allowed all the rage to come out and in silence I let her say everything she needed to say without defending myself. Without arguing back at her, telling her about her own faults, I just let it be and rested my case. I was at a point I knew I had said everything I needed to say, nothing would make a difference anymore but only drive the knife deeper. It was time for her to realize this but in her rage she couldn’t and eventually I walked away. Wounded and badly hurt, my heart breaking, in tears. You could have thought that this was the end and we’d never ever speak again. Surely, enough had happened to warrant for it, but that very night I came back and brought her soup. It was my version of love is the answer and everything changed from that moment and her guards dropped.

Love is the answer and yet sometimes we forget in the heat of the moment. Sometimes we are in a battle with ourselves and nobody else is involved. Our reaction could be triggered by an old wound or a situation we still struggle with. We end up lowering our vibrations as we let pain, fear, anger, disappointments, revenge, gossip and greed sneak in. All of these traits we might identify our shadow self with which is often believed to be the dark side of us, the one that reacts so out of character, so out of the way we usually handle ourselves. We have talked many times about the shadow self and I hope we remember that even our shadow self needs love. That love is the answer and that these unfavorable traits were created due to wounds based on the experiences of our life. And it all experiences were within our control, so don’t be so hard on yourself.

Love is the answer and yet sometimes we forget. Practice makes perfect they say and awareness is everything. Imagine what could be if we noticed our slip into lower vibrations. That moment of noticing gives us the opportunity to correct our course and change our habit. Our old ways, our outdated systems. They also say that it takes 30 days to change a habit, to create the new and make it stick. So that very moment of noticing allows us to transform back to compassion, forgiveness, understanding and love which will translate ultimately into peace. Peace of mind, peace and calm within. It might be the most crucial part of our existence, one that could prevent hardships and even chronic illnesses. Could this moment bring the balance we need while we re-center ourselves in love? It doesn’t matter how long it takes or even how often it happens. The only thing that matters is that we notice when it happens, to take the opportunity, to re-center in love, and trust that eventually these moments will become less and less. More and more of our actions will be centered in love, turning into habits, while being less reactive, but nonetheless become more accepting. Being more of a healthy balance and a wonderful gift, one only we can give to ourselves.

Author:

We are the co-creators of our life and the time is now. More than ever are we needed to support Mother Earth and each other. Together we discover and explore our unique gifts in times of strengths, in times we lean on each other, and in times when we learn from each other. This blog started as an outlet and what I ultimately called my “Warriors Journey.” It was a way to document the ups and downs of my life, sharing my hardships as well as my successes. It showcased the struggles, but more important the ways of how to overcome them. Although we are warriors each and every day, I realized that having to be a warrior, comes from a place of pain. I decided to rename this blog, and “Phoenix Rising” now stands for the story of overcoming such a painful place. My motivation for this blog hasn’t changed and I hope to share inspiration and hope, to create a sense of belonging, a space of being heard, and connecting with like minded beings who instill a sense of oneness. We are never alone, and we are unstoppable in the pursuit of what sets our soul on fire. Who I am in a nutshell... 
I am an energy healer and Reiki Master. I am surviving a chronic disease that I’ve sent into remission three times since my initial bout, 15 years ago. I continuously challenge the status quo and by doing so I change my stars. I am a believer that anything is possible. I am a hopeless romantic and I believe that true love exists on various levels. I am an optimist that will always see the glass as half full. I am a dreamer, believing in endless possibilities. Not even the sky is the limit. I have jumped off of the hamster wheel, and I am writing a new chapter. I am chasing my Nirvana to support my most authentic self. This is my story, I am that Phoenix and I am rising from the ashes. Namaste 🙏🏼💙🦋

14 thoughts on “Re-center in love

  1. Well said dear lady, it is ever that love that will heal us. But we have to let it in first, and while ever we hold our anger or fear it is still being blocked. Can you go deep back into that childhood and ‘feel’ the pain of how you felt your mom treated you, the pain of whatever you felt in the way you were being rejected by her, that ever pain that was carried on into all your relationships, those people that ever seemed to hit the most painful place inside and bring it to the surface? Go there to those times with your mom when the tears or anger were all that you knew and ask yourself how did it make you feel for her to treat you this way. What did it say to you…that you weren’t good enough, unlovable, couldn’t do this or that…or even ignored in such a way you felt belittled. Find the pain of that treatment and ask did she love you…and if not, why? In there is your answer, that little girl doing all she could to be loved by those she loved and looked up to…but always seemed to be rejected in all she did…until one day you just couldn’t do it any more and did what only a very young child can do…and put up an emotional wall around your heart so it wouldn’t hurt anymore and block that one person who hurts you so badly.
    Dare to look Rhapsody, because in there, in front of your mom as a child is that answer. Ask yourself how did she really make you feel, desperately trying to get her to love you but always only getting its pain from her instead. Ask…and in there is your answer. Ask and see what you have hidden. Hidden so you can’t see, hidden because you don’t want to believe what it means. When you see it you will instantly understand it…and finally be free of a lifetime of pain ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋

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    1. This was hard to read after Rhapsody’s words. I constantly am terrified to let love in. It can touch me, but to allow it to completely embrace? it is easier to battle the self and tie it back up in a little box in the back of the closet under the too small jeans that might someday fit me if I lose about 40 pounds and that tote of summer clothes that do fit, or did last summer and the blanket I purchased and washed and discovered it SHRANK and it won’t fit the bed (what is it about too small???).

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      1. Your letting life bind you tightly. Look into that box, dare to see what has ever held you back…and inside that is something so beautiful when you see it. It will show you that love you have forever looked for. This path is meant to go where it does so you can appreciate you. It is in seeing what love isn’t that you will recognize true love when it calls. Dare to look within through that pain, and inside it is the wonder of all wonders. All that I ask, after they have gone through this, all say that they would never change one step in all that they have done…simply because each and every step is building something beautiful. Love…your love, the one thing we bind and hide. That fear is our love, afraid to touch it because it has been taken away (by us), back in our childhood. Dare to look, and when you see you will burst into tears…not angry, hurtful tears…but those tears of wonder when we realize it has all been for us…all of it. Dare…and be free ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋

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      2. While being north, I was much freer than here. Yet, still, love was fleeting and rather transparent. Am working on this love thing and it is absolutely terrifying. I’ve been in that box since I was about 5. OK, now that made me feel ancient!! Thank you for your encouraging words and I do read them and think about them. And know they are right, even if it is hard to see how to work them in my world. ❤

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    2. I dared to asked that night, when I dropped all of my defenses and let her rant and rave. Going back to bring her soup after initially being badly wounded, was the turning point and when everything changed. This has been three years ago and I have asked and I have come to understand her, her reasonings and her side of things. I have made peace, knowing that it wasn’t me who fell short in any way. I have forgiven her and I know in my heart that she did the best she could. I don’t have hard feelings for her at all, just an ache that her life could have been different and with less pain. One day I pleated with her, and I will never forget what she said in a moment where I got through to her and it was no longer just about her pain but mine also. She looked at me and said “well, then we both ruined each other.” I have dared to look because not looking was actually more painful then to look. There is much I had to come to terms with and from time to time I still write about it, but it doesn’t process me anymore and that feeling died with her as nothing could be changed, said it expressed anymore. 🙏🏼💙

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      1. I still feel the pain dear lady, and because it is built with so much love it hasn’t died with your mom. You are that love and the arms that bind it are yours too. Don’t let it go down into the depths unresolved, let it come out. And yes you are expressing it lots which in itself is half the journey. If you still get upset or angry it is still speaking to you, and I guarantee your mom is cheering you on…so close…so near…look at her in you, look at you in her…so much alike, wanting to breech that gap…but afraid to touch that one thing for fear of being hurt. And as you said, that one day in all honesty when she spoke to you…now speak back to her what you wanted to say, that truth that you were afraid to say. Go to your biggest mirror, look into your eyes…and tell her what you really, really have felt for so long, how much it hurt, how much you felt that pain and what it has made you feel and dragged on into all of your life…and be free because you have dared your truth ❤️ 🙏🏽

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      2. I’ve been thinking about your comment and the some has passed I initially read it. I felt I did so much of the work already, but you are right and not all has been resolved yet. And just with this acknowledgement, I have taken the next step and progressed. I know my upcoming trip to Germany will be key, addressing many issues, healing on many levels and finding closure to many burdens.
        Thank you for always pushing me further, for always encouraging me to dare, and for cheering me on from the sidelines. Xo 💙🙏🏼🦋

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      3. Just follow your heart kind lady, hard though it sometimes is, it only ever wants you to find your love. And when you see through your fears an understanding like nothing else will enfold you, set you free and touch you with that love and happiness you have ever searched for…yours ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋

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