Dear Dance of Life

When was the last you danced like no one is watching? With childlike abandonment, just being silly, acting cheeky monkey, not caring to make a fool out of yourself? I hope it hasn’t been as long as it has for me and dancing through life is a regular practice for you. Believe it or not, I actually had such a few crazy minutes just recently. It’s been a long time and it was needed, and it felt wonderful.

Fact is that all summer long I was crippled by so much pain that there wasn’t even the faintest thought of dancing. When life becomes a major chore, there is nothing easy about moving your feet. There was no lightness in any forced step and every little thing took a huge effort. Holding a plate, getting dressed, opening a bottle or a jar, trying to comb my hair, reaching above my head, day to day life was one big struggle. There were days when the pain eased a little, allowing hope to flood into my veins once more even though pain was never completely absent. Pain remained a constant every day. I was afraid to write about it when I experienced “a better day” as I might have jinxed myself each time and would always revert back to my crippled state. “The better feeling” never lasted more than a few hours, at most a full day, but I was grateful for the little breaks. They were needed and brought a reminder of what it felt like to be human.

Then, finally I decided that I had no choice but to get Vaccinated. Shortly before that, I came to terms with a major decision about my House in Germany and to sell it. Just the choice of it, no longer being indecisive, not knowing what to do, trying to do right by Mom and working through these motion, lifted a burden, although the work is still ahead of me. Shortly afterwards I noticed that I was making improvements on the health front and that the feeling of “better” was lasting just a little longer. Still I didn’t dare to believe that I was at the brink of sending the RA into remission again and I still don’t fully believe it. But I don’t stress on it and take each day as a gift and blessing. Gift or challenge, each visitor is welcome and hosted accordingly.

Then I got my 2nd Dose of the vaccination and boy, it did a number on me at first. It was awful and I am beyond grateful that it is over. I felt so terrible, but surprisingly as the symptoms and side effects decreased and vanished, with it left most of the RA pain and I gained back flexibility and being able to complete tasks with even less effort and pain. I was able to take Cinnamon on a three mile hike, but struggled to get a mile in the next day. Feeling better is not consistent yet and it’s still unpredictable, but changes are noticed and appreciated beyond words. And so it came to be that while cooking up a scrumptious meal in the tiny abode, music playing not so softly in the background, I soon found my feet shuffling over the narrow floor, dancing and smiling from ear to ear while Cinnamon joined me in her own way. If you think that energy and vibration is not a thing, think again, as this little soul always knows when I am sad, when I am hurt, when I am happy and most of all when it’s time to go on a walk or play cheeky monkey. She’ll be the first to comfort me when needed and her regular check ins are a given. Her energy matches mine to the T, and together we bring out our feisty side. She is my heart and I will miss dearly when I’m in Germany.

Life is a dance and I say Dear Dance. Enlighten what’s dark in me…strengthen what’s weak in me….mend what’s broken in me…bind what’s bruised in me…heal what’s sick in me and lastly, revive whatever peace and love that has died in me.