Boy, is it ever gloomy and dark outside today, despite it being daytime. My keyboard is lighting up as if it was a Christmas tree, as if it was nighttime, and rain is in the forecast for the next two days. Temperatures have plummeted from the upper 70’s all the way to the 50’s and 40’s with freezing marks at night. It seems like fall has come and gone without having the chance to truly peak. While some trees are just now changing, others are already losing their leaves and heavy wind gusts are stripping the remaining ones all together. Mother Nature is showing us how beautiful it can be to let go. Fall is such a short season anyways and I think I say this every year. This year seems even shorter and perhaps I feel this every year as well. I am hoping for an Indian summer to hold us over for a few more weeks, to help us adjust with the transition into short days and more activities inside. We will see what happens as each day is getting shorter and the darkness finds us sooner.
As I sit here this morning, it comes to mind how much of a homebody I am. How much I don’t mind being inside, surrounded by my favorite things, surrounded by my favorite space. Perhaps it’s something I have inherited from Mom, although she never had much of a choice. I wonder if she would have ventured more, had she been in the possession of a drivers license or a means to get around. For me, it is here, within the Tiny Abode that I feel I get the most of my time. That perhaps it can bring a sense and a feeling as if I had the power to slow time down a bit, not making it run and pass me by soooo fast. They say that getting older, time moves even faster, and it does. My uncle sent me an email the other day, titled “time” and it reminded me that time at some point becomes one of our greatest treasures and most valuable commodity. Being able to fill that space, that time with the things and activities of your own choice is priceless as we face our own mortality wondering how much time is left.
As I sit here this morning, I give thanks to the activities that fill my time. To being warm and comforted, sipping a great cup of tea, flavor depending on the mood, doing a bit of writing and planning, maybe listening to some healing frequencies, a movie shared with great company, cuddles with the fur-child, the laughs and even the tears that must come from time to time. I am sitting counting my blessings, meditating and practicing acceptance and gratefulness, or simply just taking a nap, is what it’s all about these days. The weather calls for soups and Chili’s, comfort food, as well as baked goods. A snuggle with a blanket can leave you feeling wrapped in love and light, and the trace of a smile on your face tells a story of contentment. Although it’s not a seasonal thing, I felt called to light a candle yesterday and let the aroma fill the tiny space. It is burning right now, again, and perhaps a daily ritual has been started and revisited. The soft flicker itself was soothing, even though there was nothing imminent I felt that needed soothing. It was merely setting the ambience, the mood, increasing the comfort already within.
As I sit here this morning, I give thanks to all of those things, but I’m also reminded that no matter how much I have grown to accept and value the gloom, the darkness and all it’s moods it brings forward, it leaves an eventuell yearning for the light, a need for the sun. It had a profound impact on me while I was staying in Germany to care for Mom for ten month, and there were times I did find myself as if under a heavy blanket, suppressed, weighted down, almost depressed. It has to be another reason as to why it was so important to determine where I see myself in the Future. Plus the climate for the RA is a big factor, although I am planning to overcome this ugly disease once more, to take away it’s power, followed by a period of abstinence for many, many years. Maybe I should just put “for the rest of my life out there” to bring it to the universe, and why not. This is no time to be modest, I might as well dream big and I have paid my dues.
As I sit here this morning, I revisit my blessings just a little longer and remember all that is good in my life, including all that is transforming. I thank my body for all the miracles it performs each and every day for me. I send Prayers and loving energy to those in need, to those within the circle of my loves, and even the ones I have never met and whom I am not aware of. I give thanks for being able to work on a few simple crafts and to be filled with the gratitude of how much I enjoy the creation process and working with my hands. I am beyond tickled pink with the progress of working with clay for the first time and the idea for an original piece of art that will have many different faces and incorporates some of my favorite materials, such as items found in nature, merino wool, leather and feathers to name only a few. It’s only the beginning and the imagination is running overtime right now. I am beyond excited because I can see the vision and what it might look like when it’s done. I am grateful for finally having answered my uncle in an extensive email after he reminded me ever so gentle that “hey it’s been 3 months since I last heard from you.” That very email titled time, reminding us of our own mortality.
A few other projects are still lingering and need attention, but I am doing it. My second Covid dose is due this Saturday and I hope all goes well. I struggled a bit with the first one and I am sure the indecisiveness and unrestful mind didn’t help in the matter. Yet it is what needs to be done so I can travel, and that’s that. I won’t give it more energy than it deserves by giving it my time and worry. My own feelings take second row in this instance. I thank the people that are in my life and who have remained through the storm. Who seen ME, the real me through thick and thin, and who have stayed by my side. You are a mighty but small bunch, old and new and you enrich my days whenever we meet. Be it in person or through energy and vibrations. It is you who show me how wonderful it is to have friends and family, and it is also you who have shown me my own independence and that the comfort and friendship we seek sometimes is already present within ourselves, with nothing missing.