Posted in Life, My story

Adjustments, wins and losses

Over three weeks have passed since I moved and adjustments, wins and losses came in all shapes and sizes. Luckily the losses were at a minimum and perhaps couldn’t even be called a loss. I knew that in actuality they were gifts and just another form of adjustment.

Life had taken on a much slower pace and if you looked at my step count for the day and weeks, reminders would flash most daily that there was still time to get more steps in. I didn’t care, I was more concerned with listening to my body, and even the pressure of meeting my daily quota fell to the wayside. Good or bad, too little or too much, who knows…I just went with the flow and looked at it as a chance for my body to recover from the strenuous months I had put it through. The Metatarsalgia was not causing any issues as I was wearing wide, loose and open shoes mostly. Even the calcium deposits on injured joints such as my big toe and both elbows were receding and not as pronounced anymore. Not that I’ve been walking on elbows, but some stress some pressure had been reduced and I was healing in that sense.

I was back on over the counter meds to manage the pain body, and perhaps that had something to do with it as well. Slowly the tension relaxed and to some degree a new life quality was infused even if meds are not my choice of drug. I could comb my hair, even put it up in a ponytail. Dressing was not as painful and manageable. I knew that for the time being I needed them and “temporary” was my key focus in the matter. Now if it could only cool off a bit.

I quickly learned that it was best to cook in the mornings and enjoy a lunch, vs cooking in the evening, adding more heat to the already toasty tiny abode. I could just run the air conditioning, but even here I reduced my footprint and my use on the environment, turning it on only when I really needed to. A $39 electric bill were the fruits of my labor and I know the next one will be higher. This concept would have to be revisited, because my “need to” threshold was causing a borderline suffering through the heat. But in fact, I cooked when I felt like it and enjoyed plenty of fresh salads in between. I had enough groceries to sustain me, besides the perishables like salad and veggies.

Due to the heat I postponed my trip into town for replenishment, knowing Cinnamon would have a hard time with the heat as well. So far I had met my husband each time I went to town, so he could watch her and provide an air conditioned environment in the car for her. “I missed you guys” he said the first two times we met after the move, but by now, even for him life was settling in anew, perhaps with the realization that life was moving on, without me, which seemed at some point impossible to grasp for me, but now he did just fine. Life wasn’t all that bad with a gained freedom. Actually life was good and life without me wasn’t the end of the world but a new opportunity, and a new beginning. I think he was finally coming to enjoy his freedom.

By now he purchased a new home, paid it with cash from the proceeds of our other house, which mainly went all to him. Talking to him, I perceived it as fun to go shopping for a new couch, a new dining set and other needed things to furnish the new castle, although he never fully admitted to it. It wasn’t something to share with me. He was never good with money, but always great with blowing through it quickly. Perhaps it was what I said in the end, telling him to be smart with his money, that he had the opportunity to retire and never having to work for someone else again. Either way, the sale on his new house would closed this week, he has taken procession, and the movers were scheduled. Less than a month ago, items were placed into storage and now he was preparing to move them once more. At least his share of boxes and furniture. Mine would remain there for quite a bit longer, at least until spring of next year. There was a time when he was unsure of where he would settle, always talking about moving south, and in all actuality I was a little surprised that he decided to stay. Perhaps it was fear of being to far away, alone, knowing that if he called I’d come to help him in any way. Well, mostly in any way. Now, with having a local second parent, joint custody for Cinnamon finally became a possibility, and we were getting along well enough to help each other wherever possible. At least for now.

I was getting ready to shop and explore plane tickets to Germany. It left me feeling with mixed emotions, not ready physically and on the health front, about mandatory Covid vaccination standards and about what was waiting ahead of me, dissolving a household, a home of three generations and a ton of work all over again, including another deadline of getting it done. Pressure and stress, the enemy to my existence and contributor of inflammation and pain. I was yet to weak to go into this endeavor with full gusto. Maybe next week will look better.


We are the co-creators of our life and the time is now. More than ever are we needed to support Mother Earth and each other. Together we discover and explore our unique gifts in times of strengths, in times we lean on each other, and in times when we learn from each other. This blog started as an outlet and what I ultimately called my “Warriors Journey.” It was a way to document the ups and downs of my life, sharing my hardships as well as my successes. It showcased the struggles, but more important the ways of how to overcome them. Although we are warriors each and every day, I realized that having to be a warrior, comes from a place of pain. I decided to rename this blog, and “Phoenix Rising” now stands for the story of overcoming such a painful place. My motivation for this blog hasn’t changed and I hope to share inspiration and hope, to create a sense of belonging, a space of being heard, and connecting with like minded beings who instill a sense of oneness. We are never alone, and we are unstoppable in the pursuit of what sets our soul on fire. Who I am in a nutshell... 
I am an energy healer and Reiki Master. I am surviving a chronic disease that I’ve sent into remission three times since my initial bout, 15 years ago. I continuously challenge the status quo and by doing so I change my stars. I am a believer that anything is possible. I am a hopeless romantic and I believe that true love exists on various levels. I am an optimist that will always see the glass as half full. I am a dreamer, believing in endless possibilities. Not even the sky is the limit. I have jumped off of the hamster wheel, and I am writing a new chapter. I am chasing my Nirvana to support my most authentic self. This is my story, I am that Phoenix and I am rising from the ashes. Namaste 🙏🏼💙🦋

3 thoughts on “Adjustments, wins and losses

  1. It will take a while dear lady, physical healing is one thing but the emotional stress is another thing that takes quite some time to truly go past. We have to acknowledge us in all that it put us through, understand it and in doing so only then can let it go. This can take years. Trust me, if you haven’t got any urgency in Germany, take your time to allow you ‘time’ to heal. And as you rest ‘slowly’ pack a little of this or that for the next phase of your journey so that when time comes again it will be less painful, physically as well as emotionally and will allow it to be done with more strength in you. But in the meantime…big hugs my friend, you gone past the biggest part of it all 😀 ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Of course you are right my friend and deep down inside I yearn for the rest and easier times. Yet I have a house in Germany that’s been standing empty for nearly 2 years and which I pay for monthly. It’s the next step in this journey and what needs to be settled. It’s a huge burden and responsibility, involving not just myself but family that is looking after it in my absence. My life is somewhat on hold until I take care of my responsibility. It’s so hard to know if I can it if I am trying to force it. I know everything happens in their own time but it’s hard to book a flight as that needs to be done way in advance and time is running out. Can a couple more month wait? Perhaps…house expenses in Germany, storage facility expenses here, same difference, almost. Except the house in Germany really needs to be tended to and is in dire need of repair before something happens I am liable for. What a pain. 😩

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Ah, now I understand dear lady…between one of those rocks and a hard place. In that case I can only say…toss a coin or get someone (a friend hopefully), over there to do like a maintenance check and you can still get things done while still here. You may find something may take a while to fix up and it will give you a time frame for the repair (if needed) for you to have a rest 😀 ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋

        Liked by 1 person

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