Finding balance and the return of harmony

I am almost reluctant to mention it, to say it out loud, and to talk about it. I realize that today’s vibes, just like like the pain body can change in an instance and by the time you read this things might have changed already. Still, I find it necessary to record the process, the struggles as well as the highlights, with a hefty dose of the emotional processing. It is my outlet and if I’m lucky it helps someone else.

All I can say is that I am doing my best at any given moment and it will always be enough. And yes I did bestowed myself with that kind of kindness and forgiveness. Life, nor a situation has to be perfect to reap the overall bliss of it all. All it takes is to drop your expectations, go with the flow and be willing to be surprised with what life has to offer. Take joy in the little things and pretty soon everything takes on a magical meaning.

It took about a week and a half to adjust to my new home. The dust was slowly settling and more and more peaceful moments came as a gift bearing bliss and serenity. By now I’ve been here nearly three weeks and the progress continues. And yes there are still emotional moments and it will take awhile, or perhaps will always be this way. For now I recap painful moments, lonely moments, grateful moments, and peaceful moments. All had their place and time, but now that the shock and survival mode was slowly wearing away, retreating once more to hopefully not to be seen for a long time, the peaceful moments nourished my soul and replenished what was so badly needed. I was banking on it healing the pain body and I was hopeful. I even looked slimmer. Surely I wasn’t consuming as many calories and there were only a few times I actually cooked something in addition to just eating salads, but what I truly wanted to believe was that the stress had reduced greatly, lowering the extra cortisol production and bloat.

Wifi was still an issue, but it’s true what they say about the woods not offering wifi, but you’ll always get a better connection. I wasn’t a prisoner to my gadgets, constantly checking email, stats, statuses etc. I had plenty of leisure time to write on my notepad, to copy and paste my thoughts into a post at a later time when wifi was available. By now, I was taking Cinnamon on daily walks to cool at a nearby lake. I had found a nice little spot where the signal was a little stronger. Strong enough to post, but it wasn’t that I had to rush to that spot or felt obligated. It just so happened and it was far from being perfect, in the sense of biting flying nuisances, called mosquitos who love my rare blood type. Ah can’t have it all can you? And with that said I am realizing that I haven’t had chocolate in almost two weeks. 😳

I haven’t even watched TV and staying up until 10PM is becoming a stretch. There just wasn’t anything to do, other than just to be and to go with the flow. It’s a quiet place here and people have embraced me into their routines. Mainly keeping to themselves, respectful, sharing a common passion for solitude and just being. I felt as if a natural balance was slowly being replaced and instilled once more. I believed it was all part of coming home, home to myself. Many deadlines and pressures had fallen off by now. Sure it would be nice to catch the occasional program and TV show, but not as a routine and to replace the current moment, to breathe deeply and to be fully present. Life was beginning to reveal new meaning to me. Once again I was a newcomer, a student, to the adult life I once felt confident about. It’s like a new life all together and my prior life successes such as my career and other accomplishments I once deemed important, became old news, a thing of the past, no longer applicable or relevant. Much greater treasures and meaning was waiting and each day brought new glimpses.