Boy oh boy, I can only offset what’s going on today with a pretty picture of better times, passed like in this picture of my backyard, and better times still ahead. No doubt do I wish I was there right now and hopefully I will be soon, taking Cinnamon to explore this magical place.
The husband is in rare form today. Canceling services, water, trash, gas, wifi and internet. Plenty of opportunities to yell at people over the phone, I don’t know who he is anymore. I am embarrassed for him, I don’t relate, and luckily he is on the last call, before giving himself another heart attack. I always wonder if it’s worth it, how is one feeling to put another down to nothing. I had to walk away from it. Not only am I upset by his behavior, but I am sensitive to shouting and loud noises. I know there is a medical term for it, but it has escaped my mind right now. Who knows maybe I lost my mind altogether by now. Only a few more days. Sometimes they can’t come soon enough and other times the sadness of it all catches up, although I don’t wish for things to be different anymore. They are exactly how they need to be.
Earlier we took apart my bedroom which has a special build in corner piece for the bed. Of course I wasn’t doing things right and to expectations. The comments and insults flew and 5 minutes after getting it done, he is back to acting like nothing has happened. And if I don’t want to play nice and I’m short, only communicating what I absolutely have to, I end up being the guilty one. How is one to come back from this!
Today could have been a decent day. Headway’s are made each day, we are pushing beyond the pain, and it looks like we are on track, able to make the deadline. Is there even another choice! I realize I am venting and I come here to let off steam instead of keeping it in. But by god, it surely has to be this way, doesn’t it, and ever so often (daily) the universe is showing me exactly as to why we are where we are. We had a few heart to hearts, one just yesterday where I shared my feelings, how hurtful his behavior has been and how it degrades me, leaving me feeling like I am the tiniest midget alive. One second of pause and forgotten in the next. Some things just never change and I should remember that the next time I feel so sad and bad for him. After all he is a grown man and apparently he likes his actions the way they are. May karma go softly on him. I truly hope and pray for it.