Posted in Divorce, Drama, Marriage

In rare (not so rare) form

Boy oh boy, I can only offset what’s going on today with a pretty picture of better times, passed like in this picture of my backyard, and better times still ahead. No doubt do I wish I was there right now and hopefully I will be soon, taking Cinnamon to explore this magical place.

The husband is in rare form today. Canceling services, water, trash, gas, wifi and internet. Plenty of opportunities to yell at people over the phone, I don’t know who he is anymore. I am embarrassed for him, I don’t relate, and luckily he is on the last call, before giving himself another heart attack. I always wonder if it’s worth it, how is one feeling to put another down to nothing. I had to walk away from it. Not only am I upset by his behavior, but I am sensitive to shouting and loud noises. I know there is a medical term for it, but it has escaped my mind right now. Who knows maybe I lost my mind altogether by now. Only a few more days. Sometimes they can’t come soon enough and other times the sadness of it all catches up, although I don’t wish for things to be different anymore. They are exactly how they need to be.

Earlier we took apart my bedroom which has a special build in corner piece for the bed. Of course I wasn’t doing things right and to expectations. The comments and insults flew and 5 minutes after getting it done, he is back to acting like nothing has happened. And if I don’t want to play nice and I’m short, only communicating what I absolutely have to, I end up being the guilty one. How is one to come back from this!

Today could have been a decent day. Headway’s are made each day, we are pushing beyond the pain, and it looks like we are on track, able to make the deadline. Is there even another choice! I realize I am venting and I come here to let off steam instead of keeping it in. But by god, it surely has to be this way, doesn’t it, and ever so often (daily) the universe is showing me exactly as to why we are where we are. We had a few heart to hearts, one just yesterday where I shared my feelings, how hurtful his behavior has been and how it degrades me, leaving me feeling like I am the tiniest midget alive. One second of pause and forgotten in the next. Some things just never change and I should remember that the next time I feel so sad and bad for him. After all he is a grown man and apparently he likes his actions the way they are. May karma go softly on him. I truly hope and pray for it.

Author:

We are the co-creators of our life and the time is now. More than ever are we needed to support Mother Earth and each other. Together we discover and explore our unique gifts in times of strengths, in times we lean on each other, and in times when we learn from each other. This blog started as an outlet and what I ultimately called my “Warriors Journey.” It was a way to document the ups and downs of my life, sharing my hardships as well as my successes. It showcased the struggles, but more important the ways of how to overcome them. Although we are warriors each and every day, I realized that having to be a warrior, comes from a place of pain. I decided to rename this blog, and “Phoenix Rising” now stands for the story of overcoming such a painful place. My motivation for this blog hasn’t changed and I hope to share inspiration and hope, to create a sense of belonging, a space of being heard, and connecting with like minded beings who instill a sense of oneness. We are never alone, and we are unstoppable in the pursuit of what sets our soul on fire. Who I am in a nutshell... 
I am an energy healer and Reiki Master. I am surviving a chronic disease that I’ve sent into remission three times since my initial bout, 15 years ago. I continuously challenge the status quo and by doing so I change my stars. I am a believer that anything is possible. I am a hopeless romantic and I believe that true love exists on various levels. I am an optimist that will always see the glass as half full. I am a dreamer, believing in endless possibilities. Not even the sky is the limit. I have jumped off of the hamster wheel, and I am writing a new chapter. I am chasing my Nirvana to support my most authentic self. This is my story, I am that Phoenix and I am rising from the ashes. Namaste 🙏🏼💙🦋

18 thoughts on “In rare (not so rare) form

  1. It’s a modern version of Plato’s allegory of the cave – we’re in a movie theatre. Movies can be stressful and sometimes frightening. Detaching oneself from the hold the movie has is difficult, but it can be done. Don’t try to second guess the Screenwriter. Watch the movie and look for lessons to be learned in each scene. It can be done!!

    The following is from the personal diary of Dag Hammarskjöld, the second Secretary-General of the UN, not long before his 1961 death in Africa. This diary was not written for publication, and was published posthumously:

    The road,
    You shall follow it.
    The fun,
    You shall forget it.
    The cup,
    You shall empty it.
    The pain,
    You shall conceal it.
    The truth,
    You shall be told it.
    The end,
    You shall endure it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Your Words are so relevant to me and I feel like I have lived and continue to live through your statement. Thank you so much for sharing this with me. It brings purpose and a sense of belonging, for many others have walked before me. 🙏🏼💙

      Like

  2. Anger is only built on fear, and it is gradually reaching his fear, louder and angrier. As for you dear lady, you are seeing much and can let it go easier. Mind you, that inner hurt is but a signal in how well you are facing yours. And time will show you how far you have come in how quickly you can settle. As hard as it is, it is a gift. Hold it as a rescue from ALLLLL of that future that can be now faced happier and more loving because you are now facing those bits. Best wishes and a hug…a big one to top up from where you’ve already come 😀 ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Everything worthwhile has a price doesn’t it. But everything worthwhile, no matter how difficult, always brings great treasures. The challenge is to recognize them as such and receive them as gifts. Once we manage that, we achieved a dangerous amount of freedom I would say. 🤗💙🦋

      Liked by 1 person

      1. That freedom only seems ‘dangerous’ because we’ve never experienced it before. You are going to be free, in heart and mind, and love you even more because of it. Go girl, you’ve got this 😀 ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Dear Rhapsody, you are sound sensitive. I do understand this so well, as I live with the same.
    As you didn’t write more about Cinnamon, I feel with her too, as she needs to stay with both of you in the middle of this fight, no matter how right and timely, it must be. Dogs are extremely sound sensitive and sensitive to our emotions too. While you are the calm one of you, I do really hope, that you found a good solution for Cinnamon, as she will need peace for a long time, just like you, after you find time to relax too.
    Send both of you huge hugs and much love ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You are right and Cinnamon would pick up on the emotions and tension. Because of it things actually were civilized on some days out of consideration for her and he managed to keep her in mind. I am glad she is with me now and her birthday is coming up. 🐕🤗💙

      Liked by 1 person

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