It was only a few days after my little get away escape that stress had me tightly in it’s grip again. There was no concrete plan in place of what was about to happen. No idea of where I would lay my head after ground zero, Cinnamon’s future was in the balance, my body was under physical and emotional stress, packing and powering through each day, preparing for the big community yard sale, house inspections, appraisal, and being good to myself the best I could to make it through yet another day.
It was actually on the second day of my get away that I noticed a fever blister / stress blister announce itself right on my bottom lip. I guess having to wear a mask in public besides the obvious benefits is a good thing, as nobody gets to see it and you won’t have to feel so awkward and ugly. Still I knew better, and besides the discomfort of it, I didn’t really care all that much about it. On the contrary it was a “no surprise” moment and the timing wasn’t blindsiding me, knowing my body often responds to stress this way.
In a random moment I noticed that I haven’t taken care of myself as far as boosting my immunity. No ginger syrup or elderberry dragons blood, not even my vitamins. So perhaps this was my body’s way of reminding me, of getting me back on track, of making sure I still carved time out for myself. What a challenging task these days.
In other news, my body was hanging in there. Barely, with not all days being equal, but I managed, walking on the edge, being dangerously close to disaster. I knew it, but I had to trust, believe, and be hopeful that the physical strain would somehow balance the emotional one without doing too much, or additional damage. I had to believe that most of my pain stems from emotional drama, from ancestral drama, drama bonds, my shadow self and the un-healed inner child. I knew and acknowledged my successes so far. Gave myself credit for how far I had come. I paid homage to the courage it took to face these dark aspects, to the willingness to change, striving for a more authentic self that is in line with my purpose, higher self and new programs developed and adapted by me, vs passed on and inherited from past generations or society. Basically I have myself permission to acknowledge that there are bound to be growing pains, that the process is not easy, that a good amount stress will be induced and accompanied along the way. And I padded my back, motivated myself to keep going, putting in perspective that it is the furthest I have ever been, that there is no turning back and that peace and serenity awaits on the other side of struggle, stress and heartache.