Posted in Inspiration

At the gates of ancestral trauma – Shamanic Journey

Continuation from prior Post

Over the years I have felt that I never got to say goodbye to Dad. I don’t know if it was always on a conscious level, but now I knew that this was the case. I felt that I never got to tell him how much I loved him and how much I miss him now. How much I wished to hear his voice or just have a father daughter conversation. Journeying with these intentions and all the feelings bubbled up from the full moon energy felt most powerful and emotional for me. I must have cried through the entire process of telling him so. Many feelings and sentiments were exchanged and one very important discovery was made.

It was during my second inner child healing that I was recalling a day in 2018, a day like any other when I was visiting Mom in the nursing home. Somehow we got into a squabble which ended up in a bad fight. It was always hard to talk to Mom about emotional things. Just being vulnerable required a huge amount of courage, but in actuality any kind of conversation felt this way when she was angry or didn’t see eye to eye. She would never really engage, it just wasn’t something she could do, although there were a few times I felt she wanted to. Her feelings were always well hidden away, under lock down, sealed with the key thrown away. It was during the argument that I was frantically trying to explain myself to her. I always had hopes that this would be the time, that she could see my side, and that maybe her opinion of me would change. I wanted to accepted and loved by her so much. Her approval was something I had chased all my life.

After Dad’s passing and being the only “thing” left in Mom’s life, I took on the responsibility of making Mom happy. I stepped into Dad’s role, thinking it was up to me now to make sure Mom was taken care of. Except I never succeeded and what developed over the years was a belief that I only brought disappointments. Leaving Mom behind in Germany, a failed marriage, not giving her grand children, it was a number of things that didn’t make her proud of me.

And here we sat and it all came down to this moment. Nothing was held back in my frantic plea until she finally took a moment, looked at me and said “well, then we ruined each other.” It was awful and I still feel the sadness of that moment, of that perception I never wanted to be the truth.

That moment came up in my journey as I was seeing Dad. I could hear Mom saying “well, then we ruined each other.” While standing in the glow of Dad’s embrace I heard her voice and I heard myself respond to her sentence by saying “and now I am going to heal us both.”

To be continued…

Author:

We are the co-creators of our life and the time is now. More than ever are we needed to support Mother Earth and each other. Together we discover and explore our unique gifts in times of strengths, in times we lean on each other, and in times when we learn from each other. This blog started as an outlet and what I ultimately called my “Warriors Journey.” It was a way to document the ups and downs of my life, sharing my hardships as well as my successes. It showcased the struggles, but more important the ways of how to overcome them. Although we are warriors each and every day, I realized that having to be a warrior, comes from a place of pain. I decided to rename this blog, and “Phoenix Rising” now stands for the story of overcoming such a painful place. My motivation for this blog hasn’t changed and I hope to share inspiration and hope, to create a sense of belonging, a space of being heard, and connecting with like minded beings who instill a sense of oneness. We are never alone, and we are unstoppable in the pursuit of what sets our soul on fire. Who I am in a nutshell... 
I am an energy healer and Reiki Master. I am surviving a chronic disease that I’ve sent into remission three times since my initial bout, 15 years ago. I continuously challenge the status quo and by doing so I change my stars. I am a believer that anything is possible. I am a hopeless romantic and I believe that true love exists on various levels. I am an optimist that will always see the glass as half full. I am a dreamer, believing in endless possibilities. Not even the sky is the limit. I have jumped off of the hamster wheel, and I am writing a new chapter. I am chasing my Nirvana to support my most authentic self. This is my story, I am that Phoenix and I am rising from the ashes. Namaste 🙏🏼💙🦋

14 thoughts on “At the gates of ancestral trauma – Shamanic Journey

  1. Ah dear lady, down in those depths is always a want for acceptance, in whatever form it takes. Until one day we realise they too were wanting it also, and only passed those exact fears onto us. But it is that very journey that we finally see that, forgive them…and us too 😀 ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋

    Liked by 1 person

    1. There is and I have forgiven for any shortcomings. My own and theirs. I am shifting more towards bringing that love and that acceptance, knowing it is already within and not dependent on anyone else.
      To be continued…😉💙😳🙏🏼

      Liked by 1 person

  2. and now I am going to heal us both.” – so powerful, so beautiful!
    It hurts when our loved ones don’t actually engage with us genuinely, feelings and emotions unexpressed… it takes a special heart and soul of courage to accept, honor and hold the intention to heal.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s a moment I will never forget. So powerful, and giving me wings to do the work. Once you committed to it, the fear subsides and it actually becomes very healing. It engages you and draws you in, as you learn and come face to face with yourself. 💙 hugs

      Liked by 1 person

  3. So deep, my dear one, so precious and so much love. But OMGoddess, this is so powerful. There is huge transformation here. You are one amazing Shamanka. One of your most impressive qualities, I have always thought, is your bravery, you are steeped in it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Your words mean everything and leave a big smile on my face. I he and still have a great teacher you know, and you know what you are going to say. I know we bring our own qualities to the table that we either have or we don’t.
      There is a huge transformation in progress, but not one to be afraid o go any longer. I think it took all that bravery up to this point and now that it is in motion, some of the hardest pieces have fallen off already.
      Another part in this series is scheduled for today. 🤗

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s