By now I was fully emerged into my Inner child healing. It became my mission to connect and heal each child, one by one. So far I had met two inner children and I was still adjusting to the concept that there is more than just one inner child. Each so far required an emotional process, but I could feel layers of deep trauma peeling away by doing this important work. In a sense it felt as if I was reinventing myself. Peeling away that final layer of resistance and trusting process with a knowing and confidence I couldn’t explain.
It as a different reinventing and I’m not talking about a new haircut, a new diet or something like that, but through deep emotional healing that would ultimately propel me to my higher self, , my soul’s purpose, visible in appearance, attitude, behavior and a much lighter heart.
March 2nd was like a new dawn. I felt as if I was finally crawling back from the darkness. Although I was still in a lot of physical pain, there was an emotional release that helped me see things on a brighter side again. I knew I was coming around the bend by doing this important work. At least mentally I felt more stable and the depression and vast emptiness subsided. No sudden loneliness came over me, or crying from one moment to the next without knowing why. I could finally trust myself again vs. being afraid of myself.
It was as if I was looking in from the outside, being a distant observer, able to evaluate the situation from a different level or was it that I was just getting numb to the bullshit. Nevertheless I felt guided and that something had been set into motion. Something was different, something started and took me along in tow. I wondered why some of us seem to struggle so much more while others seem to have it all together? Have you ever looked at someone thinking how well pulled together their life is? Is it control, are they stronger than we are, do we feel too much, are they hiding it better, are we blowing things out of proportion, or is there something wrong with us? Are we troubled souls, unable to find our way through life, or is it that we feel on a different, a much more intense level? Perhaps it is something different all together? Maybe you have asked the same question before. I have come to the conclusion that those of us feeling this way are actually blessed. For we are given an opportunity and the tools of understanding, recognizing and resolving such trauma that has held us prisoner for so long. Sometimes a lifetime. I think others feel it too, but perhaps don’t know what it is or how to work with this energy. So if you are here, count your blessings, not everybody get’s this chance.
March 2nd was a turning point, and I felt empowered and motivated. It was time for the biggest transformation of my life. I realized that in reality I had long known that this day would come, and it was finally here. Was I surprised that finally it was time, or had I stopped believing that I would ever see it! A lifetime seemed to have passed since I first knew. Now it was here, at a magnitude I couldn’t have predicted. A magnitude that would become my salvation in the pursuit of peace within, especially from foreign and outside influences. It was only the beginning, but already I knew.
After the stir of the Full moon I did a shamanic journey to meet Dad in the energetic world. I used to believe that losing Dad was my first traumatic life event, but now I was learning that some events dated much further back and some trauma isn’t even mine to carry. For example ancestral trauma which is the trauma of the generations that came before you. Trauma that was experienced and not resolved, now reincarnated into another lifetime, into your soul. It became obvious that I carried the trauma of my family, burdens generations before me were unable to work through and lift.
All of a sudden it was clear that Dad’s passing was when my conscience was jolted into action, and it stood the first time that I recall trauma in an awakened and aware state. But it was not my first experience and most of my inner children had formed already before Dad’s passing. This usually happens by the age of eight.
To be continued..,