Posted in Awareness, Consiousness, Life

Goodbye January

A new month has begun and we are already a few days into February. The month of love, purification and self care has started and with it I have soul searched myself and digested the last month.

At the beginning of the year I took an honest look at 2020 and all the lessons it brought. With it came a promise to myself for the upcoming year and the realization that I needed to take this honest look for each and every month and not just once a year. How could anyone stay on track letting so many months slip by. It simple seemed impossible to me and therefore here I am, recapping my first month of 2021, taking that honest, evaluating, critical, but also understanding and compassionate look back at the month that has just passed.

On a broad spectrum January was a physically and emotionally challenging month. I cried a lot, perhaps felt a little lonely at times, overwhelmed at others, drained and exhausted off and on. Emotions ran high, happy one moment and triggered to tears the next by a song playing on the radio. Through it all, I have to say that I stayed keenly aware of what was going on, almost like an observer, a somewhat out of body experience, while letting the emotions come and go as they had to.

January was also a month of growth on the spiritual side, of ever changing and evolving, bending and twisting, holding on and letting go. It was a month where I committed to working with all versions of myself, including my inner children and shadow self. I found a new understanding of what an inner child is and let me tell you that it is very emotional work. Work so many won’t dare, and look into the eyes because it is painful. Painful in the sense of having to admit your faults, painful in the sense of recalling those memories that created the scars and wounds, and painful in the sense of facing it instead of pushing it away for another time, another generation, perhaps, if at all. Spiritual work in general is hard. It’s messy and it won’t come easy or quick, but it is also a breakthrough and a blessing, an opportunity to end ancestral trauma.

Full of excitement I went into the new year like so many others, armed with new motivation, determined to make it a year worthwhile. January 1st started kind of rocky and initially threw me off track with an unexpected opportunity to work through a wound which you can find here. I ate too much chocolate with made itself known in the lack of clarity in my skin and New Year’s Day came and went, just staring into space, somewhere, timeless, into oblivion. All the meaningful, important stuff I set out to do vanished and none of it got done.

Drawing the “Faith in the Process” Oracle card and its message finally helped pep me up and feel better.

There were times throughout the month my heart felt heavy about the loss of my uncle and aunt due to Covid. Also for my cousin, their youngest son who was also diagnosed positive and was still battling for his life.

January was a month of many worries, ranging from mysterious messages about my phone being compromised and infected with viruses, to worrying about Cinnamon and her bald spots. There was concern for my own Health and the Struggles that are never too far away. Although they have a place and purpose too, I soon found myself in an increasing emotional mess as the chronic pain became the norm, an every day occurrence. How hard and how many times have I fought this battle before. It’s scary, intimidating and debilitating. It takes your quality of life.

A song called “There was Jesus” by Zach Williams and Dolly Parton sent me into tears with the following lyrics.

“Every time I try to make it on my own, every time I try to stand, I start to fall. And all those lonely roads that I have traveled on

There was Jesus

In the waiting, in the searching, in the healing, in the hurting, like a blessing buried in the broken pieces.

Every minute, every moment, where I’ve been or where I’m going, even when I didn’t know it or could see it

There was Jesus”

A song often starts with what words can’t convey, and it seemed that this release of tears was what was needed at that particular time.

As mentioned before, January brought a new level of enlightenment and spiritual work after asking all versions of myself to join together, instead of pursuing individual agendas. It brought a visit from my Inner child and a Realisation from my shadow self. I would learn much later that there are many more inner children and that the one that came to visit was not the only one.

It brought a desire to fix the inner wounds we carry, inflicted by traumatic experiences, from the people in our lives and society. With it came the need to mend old wounds and relationships gone astray. Not to change the outcome but to understand reactions and triggers for these wounds, ultimately releasing the hurt energy by transforming it into unconditional love.

January reunited me with my soul sister, the very goddess I had written about who initially threw me for a loop with her New Years greeting. Together we have learned a great deal from our trauma responses and together we are healing these wounds, releasing our karma and that of the ones who inflicted these belief systems and painful experiences. Thank you for doing this work with me, I have missed you and your understanding of getting and seeing me completely.

As I waive goodbye to January I realize that February needs to bring a renewed focus on the health front and a deeper commitment to doing my part. As storms still rage outside, father winter has finally arrived and I feel the pressures associated with that time.

As I walk into uncertain times, I try my best to trust and have faith that everything will find its way. That the universe loves me and continues to keep me save. That plans are unfolding much greater than my own and that with the butterfly spirit, transformation awaits once more.


We are the co-creators of our life and the time is now. More than ever are we needed to support Mother Earth and each other. Together we discover and explore our unique gifts in times of strengths, in times we lean on each other, and in times when we learn from each other. This blog started as an outlet and what I ultimately called my “Warriors Journey.” It was a way to document the ups and downs of my life, sharing my hardships as well as my successes. It showcased the struggles, but more important the ways of how to overcome them. Although we are warriors each and every day, I realized that having to be a warrior, comes from a place of pain. I decided to rename this blog, and “Phoenix Rising” now stands for the story of overcoming such a painful place. My motivation for this blog hasn’t changed and I hope to share inspiration and hope, to create a sense of belonging, a space of being heard, and connecting with like minded beings who instill a sense of oneness. We are never alone, and we are unstoppable in the pursuit of what sets our soul on fire. Who I am in a nutshell... 
I am an energy healer and Reiki Master. I am surviving a chronic disease that I’ve sent into remission three times since my initial bout, 15 years ago. I continuously challenge the status quo and by doing so I change my stars. I am a believer that anything is possible. I am a hopeless romantic and I believe that true love exists on various levels. I am an optimist that will always see the glass as half full. I am a dreamer, believing in endless possibilities. Not even the sky is the limit. I have jumped off of the hamster wheel, and I am writing a new chapter. I am chasing my Nirvana to support my most authentic self. This is my story, I am that Phoenix and I am rising from the ashes. Namaste 🙏🏼💙🦋

16 thoughts on “Goodbye January

    1. Awe thank you so much my friend. It is ongoing work but the start has been made. Once you understand how it works, you might even reach a point where it doesn’t seem so daunting anymore. And while it is emotional work it is also very freeing and liberating. I am learning that I have multiple inner child’s, each carrying different trauma’s, some self inflicted, others through ancestral trauma, passed on from loved ones.
      When you make the choice to not pass on those wounds to your children or loved ones, then working with your inner children and facing your own trauma is really the only way to go. That’s what I decided and it ends with me. I think I will write about it in detail and the process of it. Being transparent on my blog as usual.
      Thank you for your kind words love. I hope you are doing well. Big hugs and love to you.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Ah my friend, I had not seen a photo of you for a while and was shocked at the extent your heart has traveled. Even Cinnamon is feeling your journey, her eyes connected with yours each step you both take. A soul in sync with another on a destined journey. Just remember that a heart takes much longer to heal. You can break a leg, sprain an ankle or even do an operation…they all heal rather quickly. But a damaged heart asks us to stop and breathe for you, because the change that it must take in healing, requires it. The power to heal it is in the change you will take to see what caused it, understand it and set yourself free. It is in understanding it that does take much time, simply because that inner child has had a lifetime of ‘being’ a certain way and it must have time to heal it. I even found, after finally seeing the truth of what caused my fear, that it will come up many times after it so that you can ‘see’ that you are indeed slowly releasing what has served its purpose…and setting you free. Give your heart time, give you time…because it is setting free a very beautiful loving soul who is understanding that self love in that very healing. Have faith in that dear lady, and like me and many others, soon you will look back and nod your head that this, as painful as it was, has been the very thing to heal your heart and allow another view at the world from a whole new way of being. Now, the important bit….a very big, loving hug from a scarred but loving heart who has found itself and asks you to be gentle, be hopeful again, and know that you will also be here too…soon. Much love and light to you, as you so freely give to others ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋

    Liked by 2 people

    1. As always your words mean the world my friend and you leave me grateful and thankful.
      You say you haven’t seen a picture of me in awhile and in shock didn’t realize to what extend my heart has travelled. Is it written all over my face? Have I aged a 100 years? If so, I must indulge in chocolate. And yes I do think Cinnamon had come into my life to help me through those rough patches. My heart is healing and I feel it, although not every day is equal. There will always be a day grief surfaces or chronic pain makes it hard to see the light, but for the most part my soul is mending and I am in a good spot.
      I continue to work on setting myself free from worries and things that still await my attention. Fact is I am doing the best I can and I’m at peace with it. The universe provides and loves me. Things are as they are meant to be and the world is beautiful. Big love to you my dear friend. You are amazing. 💙🙏🏼🦋 can’t wait to do another powerful healing tomorrow night.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I shall be looking forward to tomorrow night also dear lady. And as for the ageing 100 years, it is not in that attractive face young lady but in the energy I feel from your heart. It says you have trodden a hard but beautiful path and it is indeed opening to what has been hidden behind that child’s wall. Take a bow, that is the faith and courage that love is. The day you take these steps you acknowledge that love within and accept it for you, as you release years of pain in its understanding. That crack in the wall is opening and as you understand it, it will just keep opening and bathe you in its light 😀 ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I hope your healing brought much peace and serenity to you last night.
        It is so nice to be seen and fully understood. To recognize the journey and be able to share it with a silent head not and smile. Thank you for being such a bright light in my life. You are amazing. 💙🙏🏼🦋

        Liked by 1 person

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