Preventing derailment

It started with an honest look back at the end of 2020 to take stock of the year just passed. I wrote the post to take inventory and to assess myself, reminding myself about what worked for me, to take a look at the shortcomings, where I was at the moment, what needed to be done, and where I see myself down the road. It was an awful lot of information as I took myself through the trials and tribulations of the past year, as well as the successes.

Looking at the blog I felt that I took on a bigger role as a cheerleader, spreading inspiration wherever I could. So much though that I got away from telling this warriors story. I felt that it was something that was needed as the world and many of us struggled. It was a year that required motivation and healing on many levels, for many of us,physically and mentally and you could say, I kind of slipped into my own role trying to bring this to the table as I went with the flow of what felt natural.

At the beginning of 2021, I made a promise to myself, listing all my thoughts and goals, mainly showing support and understanding for myself, being my biggest fan and supporter. I was asking all versions of myself to join forces for one common goal. Does this goal have a name, a clear picture, a schedule and plan of how it is to unfold? No it doesn’t, other than 2021 needs to be the year for big changes. There are still lose ends and not all questions have answers, but I am being encouraged to just take that leap of faith. That I don’t need all the answer and that I should trust the universe as things will fall into place. While I know and believe in such a theory, it’s always a little different to action it, isn’t it?

Eight days into the new year, I am recognizing old familiar patterns. The initial “gung ho”, new year – new me, the drive, the motivation is slowly fizzing out as routine and the old familiar wants to claim a hold of me once more. And yet something is different and the old “let’s just plug away, do what you can, here and there, depending on health and how I feel”, is taken on a different sense of urgency, as if time is running out, as if I don’t have or don’t want to wait another year to transpire how the past 16 years have past for the most part. There is a new drive that is preventing derailment and that is pushing me to go beyond my best and do more. Is such even possible? Maybe I can and haven’t given myself enough credit, maybe it needs to be more structured, planned, broken down into actual and achievable steps. Maybe I need to set goal, daily, weekly, monthly goals. Maybe…who knows what…maybe.

I am learning as to why New Years resolutions have such a high failing percentage. We spend a few hours assessing ourselves, come up with something clever that sits well with our soul, that soothes our being and makes us feel like we are on track, making progress. We finally got it figured out and this is going to be our year for sure. We are hopeful and motivated. But then, feeling good and all about ourselves, we drop it and forget it. Maybe we push a little, as we enjoy that feeling of euphoria, but it always fades, soon or later. Life swoops us up, gets busy, throws curveball’s our way and we postpone our dreams. Next week we try again, won’t we, until we cave in and our goals become a distant memory. We don’t like to think about it much, because it only makes us sad, and perhaps there comes a point after several failed attempts that we avoid it all together. It’s like we learn to predict the outcome, knowing exactly what is going to happen. Subconsciously it’s our effort to protect ourselves from disappointment and hurt. But subconsciously it’s also the end of our dreams and the possibility of achieving them.

Eight days into the new year, I am ready to make a new promise to myself. For one to review the promise I made at the beginning of the year as often as I need to. To remind myself what’s in my heart and to let it stand as self motivation. I might even print it out to place somewhere visible where I can see it every day. A visible reminder.

Second, I know that it takes more than an initial plan. I am realizing that it takes hard work, an honest look and a promise to myself each and every month. Recapping the year at the end is simply not enough and I believe that if we want to stay on track, we should recap each month to keep us flexible and on track. At least that is what I decided to do. This monthly recap will include a recap of my daily photographs seeing and magic and beauty in every day.