This time of year marks thanksgiving here in the States, a time associated with family gatherings, lavish feasts, and giving thanks to a bountiful harvest.
On a total side note: Why am I thinking about the unimaginable amount of turkeys that lose their life every year so we can give thanks. I have no idea where that came form, but I think I’m in trouble, and I’m not sure this post is heading into the right direction. Yet it is true and it is what’s crossing my mind. If I want to be authentic, I guess then it belongs, and it is a part that shouldn’t be suppressed. Outdated programming and beliefs tell me that today is a holiday, that I should play nice, bring you inspiration and a joyful message for a blessed day, and while I do hold those wishes for myself and you, I can’t just pretend and write something that’s not in my heart. Sure, the timing to write a semi depressing post, on a day like this is not the greatest, but it is what is.
Well anyways, let’s try this once more. It’s today that we give extra thanks to all the blessings in our life and draw extra attention to it. Personally I do this on a daily basis, without a set holiday dictating to me when I should do so. I feel each day we are given is a day to celebrate, a day to be grateful for. This year feels different on so many levels, and I have to admit that I don’t feel all that festive. I don’t mean it to sound negative, I just merely have no feelings or opinions about it one way or another. Time is kind of rushing me by. I have big dreams and big goals, but I have even bigger responsibilities that need to be tended to in order to become free to pursue these dreams. Basically what I’m saying is that there is a bunch of ugliness to deal with before beauty can unfold.
I should be decorating the house, baking cookies, getting into the holiday spirit, but I’m not. This is my favorite season as far as holidays are concerned, and yet I lack the gusto to embrace it. The inner child in me wants to deck the halls, and live through all the traditions the holidays bring and yet it’s the surroundings that feel out of place.
I remember how much fun it was to unwrap ornaments and trimmings each year. That in itself was like unwrapping present and greeting an old friend you didn’t see for an entire year. Oh wait, I did started Christmas shopping, does that count? I do know what the problem is here, and only I can make the changes to match my reality with my vision for the future. In the meantime another season passes by and the decorations stay packed until they can be enjoyed in the right circumstances and time, when everything has been accomplished, when my stars are changing.
What else is different? There will be no gatherings if one wants to see Christmas. Festivities are cancelled due to Covid 19 and much of the population celebrates in silence and isolation. I’ve been thinking about Mom a lot. I’ve been thinking about the cancelled Christmas markets in Germany I enjoyed so much and not too long ago. I have felt the somber mood all across the world, that threatens to suppress the magical spirit of this season for so many. Maybe even for myself to a degree, although I think it’s more of the vibrations I pick up from you. My circumstances are not perfect, but they are being handled. It’s the vibrations and unspoken words I pick up from time to time. We talked about it here before and from time to time I feel the heaviness of things.
Personally I feel like I have much to be grateful for, despite the challenges 2020 posed. I should give special thanks today and really spend some time to reflect and ponder the next moves. For me it has been a transition year, with more to come. With Moms passing in October last year, I went through the holidays without her, and you’d think I’ve experienced what it feels like without her. Still it’s different. More focused, more aware, more conscious, on the subject that she is gone and not here anymore. Everything was so fresh, so overwhelming and saturated with grief last year, that it was hard to identify and really sort the feelings. I like to dedicate a holiday to her, to remember, to celebrate, to create my own family customs, including her. I will, hopefully do so next year.
Finishing off this less than perfect post on a day like this, I’d tell you that things are seldom perfect. That there are always things in life to work on, tweak and to make your own. Despite of those things, we need to remember the good things, the things to be grateful for, so we don’t get overwhelmed and are able to keep balanced. Perhaps things could always be worse. You are the co creator of your life, so if there are things you need to change, develop a plan and implement those changes. Keep gratitude in your heart and share it with those around you.
In love, light and gratitude for all of you.
Happy thanksgiving my friends, my tribe, my people. Xo 💙🙏🏼