Another anniversary, another painful memory. The last one in the cycle of one full year without you. Holiday, birthdays, special occasions, things have been different and surely not the same without you, Mom.
One year ago today, I carried you to your final resting place next to Dad. After many years you were finally reunited with who has always been the love of your life. It was a beautiful service and I remember it in a way as if only you and I were there. Everything was on auto pilot and I had my own pace. I didn’t hear or witnessed much around me, the things I worried about prior to the service merely fell to the wayside and lost their significance. None of it mattered in that time and in that place. Carrying you out of church, we almost lost all the proceeding people behind us, and gently I was asked to slow down to allow time for others to follow. I was in my own world. With you. This was hard. Setting you down on the side of the grave. Letting go. Of you, in the physical sense of relating to you in the urn I was carrying.
Today on the anniversary of your funeral, I remember that day and all the emotions that were felt on that day, the days prior, and the days that have come and gone. I am thinking about our beginning and the time when you carried me during your pregnancy. And I am thinking about the ending and me carrying you for the last time to rest for all eternity. I am thinking about your dash, the little line between the date you were born and the date you left us. How you lived your dash and all the times you were alive.
Today I howl with the wolves remembering you. May my heart always be kind and forgiving, never holding a grudge because of foolish pride or the ego. May my mind be fierce and aware. May I be conscious of all the special things, the miracles, and blessings that constantly surround us. May I never take life for granted and always make time for the people in my life. For I have learned over and over that I may not get the chance to do so another day. And may my spirit be brave in the face of adversity and never forget to get back up. May the warrior within me, like yours, never stop fighting and remain united in spirit, courage, and integrity….always.