Posted in Life, Self care, Self help

Your support network

Diagram by Danielle MacKinnon

I’ve been reading a new book called “Soul Contracts.” It’s another self help book that aids in finding harmony and your inner brilliance. It explains various soul contracts, human actions and decisions, as well as unconditional love, understanding the bigger picture, our connection to source (soul), the need for safety and our root belief systems.

MacKinnon explains that many unseen and unconscious energies influence our every day. They can cause us to behave a certain way, think a certain thought, or believe certain ideas about ourselves. All these energies are our soul contracts and are a part of our soul system. These ways of thinking, feeling and believing take away from our ability to discover who we really are. They prevent us from living the life we want to live and from having the relationships we so desperately crave. Many of these contracts are created by ourselves without us ever realizing.

Let’s say you experienced someone who made you feel that you are not good enough. Most likely this experience comes with intense negative emotions, heartache and pain. That is if you believed in it. If not, then you most likely laughed the whole incident off and it wasn’t stored as a painful experience. But let’s say they got to you and pain has arisen from it. Perhaps so much of it that you promised to prove them and yourself wrong. Guess what? You created a soul contract for yourself. A soul contract is born from a negative experience and is never derived from joy. However, soul contracts are not a negative or painful thing, and are often created to help us overcome a certain lessons, so don’t feel discouraged if you stumble across one. I know it sounds confusing but just think of it this way. Just because you had a negative experience (out of your control) doesn’t mean it has to stay a negative mark on your life (within your control).

Back to the example: By entertaining the thought of not being good enough it becomes a seed thought, something you come to believe and plant deep within your soul. It’s quite common that we adapt many of such seed thoughts which in return form our root belief system. Those are our experiences, what life has taught us. Each seed thought has its on emotions attached. These emotions live in our memory or our subconscious where they are stored. From there we learn how to react to a certain situation, how to protect ourselves, and how to avoid the pain that was associated with the experience. It’s almost like a self defense mechanism. What we often don’t realize is that some of these experiences and what once worked for us, lies many years back and is outdated.

Still it’s there for our resource, where they linger in the background. You might not notice them for a long time, until something happens that triggers that very thought. Now that same painful emotion surfaces and it will over and over again until you face and recognize as to why you feel this way. It’s not enough to say “oh I bumped into a soul contract” but you will also have to put in the work and analyze why you feel this way, what happened in the past and how you want to go forward in the future.

Now that the emotion has been recalled, it’s like getting a reminder. Memories surface and doubt creeps in whether you are going to be good enough or not. Your mind is racing and the struggle begins as you frantically add new elements to the equation, called anxiety and fear. Now your actions are driven by those emotions and all you can do is hope for the best. It’s almost paralyzing.

As you can see things can get quite complex as we try to figure it out and find our way. It can take years, perhaps a lifetime. This diagram in the book really made me think about our support network along the way. It helped me understand as to why people come and go in our life. We all are travelers, trying to find our way and it’s nothing personal. But if you have encountered someone by our side who is willing to stay the course and put in the work with you, consider yourself extremely lucky. It’s rare I think.

In an exercise MacKinnon prompts us to list all the people in our lives and place them on the according circle. And to be honest. You might be married but that doesn’t mean that your husband/wife is your soul partner. If there are things you can’t discuss and have to keep from him/her, then they are not your soul partner and perhaps just a friend. Maybe in some instances not even that anymore. As you place the people on your circles, take an honest look at the finished picture. It will also tell a story about yourself. Has your protection mechanism developed so strongly that you haven’t allowed people into your inner circle? Do you shut people out? Do you invite people into your life even though the friendship is all about them? What are you seeing?

I wanted to write this post and share a new perspective so you can give yourself a break. To perhaps understand some things a little better and hopefully gain some insights. I still see so many being so hard on themselves, as well as placing too many unrealistic conditions that only end in disappointment. Maybe we need to remember that we all fight unseen battles. Perhaps you fill out your own diagram and better understand how much unconditional love it truly takes to be there. Who is in your circle and in who’s circle do you belong? Do you believe that the people in your most inner circle can be there for you as you go through the process of mastering your soul contracts. As you go through the ups and downs, the hard work, and the amazing insights? Can they handle what you are saying? Will they think you are crazy? Do you have to censor yourself around them and tiptoe as to not bruise egos? And at the same time, can you be that very person you crave for someone else?

Closing note: Remember that it’s not quantity but quality of who makes your circle. If you are a loner and introvert, you might only have one or two people listed on it and that’s perfectly ok.

Author:

Who am I, and why I write. I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one. I am the one, holding on to the silver lining when the skies are gray. I’m a believer that nothing is coincidence, but that everything has purpose. I’ve made my mistakes, don’t we all, but I see them as growing pains and they are a part of who I am today. I have lost myself in order to find myself, and I still do from time to time, but in a good way. I’m a big child who laughs until my belly hurts when life wants to be serious. Career wise: I’ve been there, done that, and I took “The jump” off the hamster wheel in an effort to change my future. I didn’t land all that soft, but I can say that I’m still proud to have found the courage to do it. Coming full circle, I had it all, and yet I was lonely and had nothing. Today I choose to be a collector of moments and I chase memories, instead of the material stuff. Less is more, and the motto is quality over quantity. You’d be amazed at how freeing it can be. I see myself as a free spirit that believes in an unconventional lifestyle. Somehow I go against the grain most of the times, not to rebel, but because it feels right to stay true to my unique and authentic self. It takes courage, and you often stand alone, but if you dare, you soon realize that it is the only way if you don’t want to lose who you are. Just like most, my past wasn’t easy and I come from a life that didn’t always give me the opportunity to be heard. Few related and even fewer cared to take the time. But that’s the past and it’s history, the future hasn’t happened and the “NOW” is truly all we ever have. In the end we all have a story to tell, and we all seek to be understood. We all yearn to be heard and accepted and still life is hard and our path is full of stumbling blocks. If we can see the lessons in adversity we may realize that the toughest moments are often our greatest teachers. There is a reason for the saying that the stars can’t shine without darkness, and it might be darkness that will show you the light.
It took a series of (un)fortunate events, to learn to glow through the pain, to learn how to dance in the rain. I believe in Magic and wonder, and the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. As an empath this old soul often feels a little too much, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Today, I am here to tell my story because I believe that it can help others. It is my hope to bring inspiration and strengths to you, while showing you that it can be done. I know you are out there, and I know you are suffering in silence. I am here to tell you that you are not alone, and your voice is being heard loud and clear. Hang on and be strong, transformation is yours. 
In light and love....Rhapsody Bohème 💙🦋

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