Posted in Life, Self care, Self help

Your support network

Diagram by Danielle MacKinnon

I’ve been reading a new book called “Soul Contracts.” It’s another self help book that aids in finding harmony and your inner brilliance. It explains various soul contracts, human actions and decisions, as well as unconditional love, understanding the bigger picture, our connection to source (soul), the need for safety and our root belief systems.

MacKinnon explains that many unseen and unconscious energies influence our every day. They can cause us to behave a certain way, think a certain thought, or believe certain ideas about ourselves. All these energies are our soul contracts and are a part of our soul system. These ways of thinking, feeling and believing take away from our ability to discover who we really are. They prevent us from living the life we want to live and from having the relationships we so desperately crave. Many of these contracts are created by ourselves without us ever realizing.

Let’s say you experienced someone who made you feel that you are not good enough. Most likely this experience comes with intense negative emotions, heartache and pain. That is if you believed in it. If not, then you most likely laughed the whole incident off and it wasn’t stored as a painful experience. But let’s say they got to you and pain has arisen from it. Perhaps so much of it that you promised to prove them and yourself wrong. Guess what? You created a soul contract for yourself. A soul contract is born from a negative experience and is never derived from joy. However, soul contracts are not a negative or painful thing, and are often created to help us overcome a certain lessons, so don’t feel discouraged if you stumble across one. I know it sounds confusing but just think of it this way. Just because you had a negative experience (out of your control) doesn’t mean it has to stay a negative mark on your life (within your control).

Back to the example: By entertaining the thought of not being good enough it becomes a seed thought, something you come to believe and plant deep within your soul. It’s quite common that we adapt many of such seed thoughts which in return form our root belief system. Those are our experiences, what life has taught us. Each seed thought has its on emotions attached. These emotions live in our memory or our subconscious where they are stored. From there we learn how to react to a certain situation, how to protect ourselves, and how to avoid the pain that was associated with the experience. It’s almost like a self defense mechanism. What we often don’t realize is that some of these experiences and what once worked for us, lies many years back and is outdated.

Still it’s there for our resource, where they linger in the background. You might not notice them for a long time, until something happens that triggers that very thought. Now that same painful emotion surfaces and it will over and over again until you face and recognize as to why you feel this way. It’s not enough to say “oh I bumped into a soul contract” but you will also have to put in the work and analyze why you feel this way, what happened in the past and how you want to go forward in the future.

Now that the emotion has been recalled, it’s like getting a reminder. Memories surface and doubt creeps in whether you are going to be good enough or not. Your mind is racing and the struggle begins as you frantically add new elements to the equation, called anxiety and fear. Now your actions are driven by those emotions and all you can do is hope for the best. It’s almost paralyzing.

As you can see things can get quite complex as we try to figure it out and find our way. It can take years, perhaps a lifetime. This diagram in the book really made me think about our support network along the way. It helped me understand as to why people come and go in our life. We all are travelers, trying to find our way and it’s nothing personal. But if you have encountered someone by our side who is willing to stay the course and put in the work with you, consider yourself extremely lucky. It’s rare I think.

In an exercise MacKinnon prompts us to list all the people in our lives and place them on the according circle. And to be honest. You might be married but that doesn’t mean that your husband/wife is your soul partner. If there are things you can’t discuss and have to keep from him/her, then they are not your soul partner and perhaps just a friend. Maybe in some instances not even that anymore. As you place the people on your circles, take an honest look at the finished picture. It will also tell a story about yourself. Has your protection mechanism developed so strongly that you haven’t allowed people into your inner circle? Do you shut people out? Do you invite people into your life even though the friendship is all about them? What are you seeing?

I wanted to write this post and share a new perspective so you can give yourself a break. To perhaps understand some things a little better and hopefully gain some insights. I still see so many being so hard on themselves, as well as placing too many unrealistic conditions that only end in disappointment. Maybe we need to remember that we all fight unseen battles. Perhaps you fill out your own diagram and better understand how much unconditional love it truly takes to be there. Who is in your circle and in who’s circle do you belong? Do you believe that the people in your most inner circle can be there for you as you go through the process of mastering your soul contracts. As you go through the ups and downs, the hard work, and the amazing insights? Can they handle what you are saying? Will they think you are crazy? Do you have to censor yourself around them and tiptoe as to not bruise egos? And at the same time, can you be that very person you crave for someone else?

Closing note: Remember that it’s not quantity but quality of who makes your circle. If you are a loner and introvert, you might only have one or two people listed on it and that’s perfectly ok.


We are the co-creators of our life and the time is now. More than ever are we needed to support Mother Earth and each other. Together we discover and explore our unique gifts in times of strengths, in times we lean on each other, and in times when we learn from each other. This blog started as an outlet and what I ultimately called my “Warriors Journey.” It was a way to document the ups and downs of my life, sharing my hardships as well as my successes. It showcased the struggles, but more important the ways of how to overcome them. Although we are warriors each and every day, I realized that having to be a warrior, comes from a place of pain. I decided to rename this blog, and “Phoenix Rising” now stands for the story of overcoming such a painful place. My motivation for this blog hasn’t changed and I hope to share inspiration and hope, to create a sense of belonging, a space of being heard, and connecting with like minded beings who instill a sense of oneness. We are never alone, and we are unstoppable in the pursuit of what sets our soul on fire. Who I am in a nutshell... 
I am an energy healer and Reiki Master. I am surviving a chronic disease that I’ve sent into remission three times since my initial bout, 15 years ago. I continuously challenge the status quo and by doing so I change my stars. I am a believer that anything is possible. I am a hopeless romantic and I believe that true love exists on various levels. I am an optimist that will always see the glass as half full. I am a dreamer, believing in endless possibilities. Not even the sky is the limit. I have jumped off of the hamster wheel, and I am writing a new chapter. I am chasing my Nirvana to support my most authentic self. This is my story, I am that Phoenix and I am rising from the ashes. Namaste 🙏🏼💙🦋

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