I’ve been doing a lot of “shadow work” lately and it’s been a rewarding process. A process that once was hidden without a clue, without the realization it even existed. Perhaps I have only scratched the tip of the iceberg and more work is waiting, but naturally it always does.
I try to acknowledge the process and be good to myself, giving credit for taking that first step, that all important first step. I have come a long ways, without ever truly realizing and being aware of the journey it took. Without realizing the constant work that takes place whether we are conscious of it or not. The sea of experiences and lessons life has on our soul, ultimately shaping us and our destiny. It’s quite incredible to look back at the pieces throughout the years, and how carefully they had to happen. How they had to unfold for things to turn out the way they did. It’s rather mind boggling and a deep sense of gratitude finds me even through the pain of some of these incidents. As most time’s, luck would have it that it required some sort of adversity for it all to happen. I say luck because I have to the believe that our hardest experiences bear the most valuable lessons. If we can see it as such, as the growth of ourselves and enlightenment, then we are indeed lucky to be given the opportunity, for without it we wouldn’t be who we are and I hope you can feel some sense of pride and accomplishment for who you are turning out to be.
If everything always went smooth, would we notice something of center, or attempt the hard work of implementing this change? It requires more than mere awareness, and although important it is only the beginning of the hard work that lies ahead. It takes more than just snapping your fingers and make it go away. It’s hard work, something that won’t fix overnight. It asks for a willingness to take a honest look. Next comes a decision of what to do with the info found, if anything. The dedication to peel back the layers put in place over the years, by many painful experiences. It won’t be easy and there will be resistance and fear. We must remember that our shadow self deals with the darkness within ourselves, the negative, mean, evil and ugly aspects.
Ask yourself if you are prepared to accept such a truth. Can you see yourself as less than perfect or will you send the truth back into hiding? What are you prepared to do? Is it important enough to make changes? Can you stay objective and meet yourself with understanding, love and forgiveness.
It was important for me. With so much changing in my life, I arrived at a point that no longer allowed me to send issues back down to hide for centuries to come. It was no longer optional of whether to address them or not. The decision was mine to not go forward in the same fashion, and because of it, shadow work needed to be done. All that was required from me was the willingness to put in the work. An open mind perhaps, and I was ready for an upgrade to my soul system.
Since starting this honest look I have been able to view it in a new light. I have a new understanding of what a daunting process it can be for many and yet I am surprised of how easy it has become for me to stare my flaws into the face. I can see my own mistakes without the need of wanting to justify them. Explanations and justifications about my character are no longer needed or even important. There is a strange calm, an acceptance, a willingness to go with the flow more than ever. Resistance has faded further as I meet myself and others with understanding, compassion and mostly forgiveness. Digging deep, I am learning the reasons for these behaviors so it can be addressed and released at a healing soul level. I am finding understanding for the hurt and the wounds so deep that added one protective layer after another. I know that I am not a bad person, nor do I see others in that way. I recognize these walls and what they used to serve. I know they were carriers of protection and I know that everybody has such walls.
“I myself just happen to like an open living concept much better, and I’m tearing down the very walls that confined me in the past.”
I believe that over the years I have shed much of such pain and I don’t really feel the need for protection anymore. Still, it’s work in progress and there will always be some remnants that remain from time to time which require clearing.
“It is a frightening thought that Man also has a shadow side to him, consisting not just of little weaknesses and foibles, but of a positively demonic dynamism. The individual seldom knows anything of this; to him, as an individual, it is incredible that he should ever in any circumstances go beyond himself. But let these harmless creatures form a mass, and there emerges a raging monster.” -Carl Jung