It’s getting closer and the countdown to my birthday is getting shorter. I dedicated the preceding week to pampering myself and to fill it with things to keep my spirits high. With so much going on lately and so many break throughs, new found motivations, and successes, my spirit should be soaring you would think, but it doesn’t. There is one huge hurdle still needing to be conquered and I knew this week would be tough for various reasons. For one in the sense that Mom’s birthday is one day before mine and she would have turned 82 this year. How does one keep their spirit high when there is still a loss, still grief, still coming to terms with that empty hole that will never be filled again?
To some degree I have to smile, because I recognize my old faithful attempts, looking for an intervention in times like these. When I look for something to keep me out of the depths of despair and sadness. This happens on a subconscious level and just like that, birthday week was created to come to the rescue. It has worked more or less, although the thought process and the intentions are there, and good, reality is a different thing and is seldom controlled in such manner. I know it’s important to recognize those feelings and to not suppress them. They too have a place and if kept inside of yourself do harm in ways you don’t need. It’s a delicate balance, like a teeter totter, sometimes being up and other times dropping low.
On my hike yesterday I saw this tiny frog. He was not bigger than the size of a quarter and it’s only my second one I’ve seen in all the years hiking. He came with a message for me to do a physical cleanse and detoxify my body. I was also encouraged to do an emotional cleanse by letting myself really feel my emotions, to cry as often as I need to in order to clear and release any emotional toxicity. To sing and chant out loud would help improve balance, be at peace, and connect to the divine. Frog was letting me know that I was entering into a time of plenty and abundance, being the start of a slow and steady transformational process. A movement from an old life to a new life.
And that itself is reason enough to release the tears of a challenging old life, and welcome a new one filled with everything I already carry inside of me. Today is all about slowing the feelings and cleansing my soul and a reminder for you to acknowledge those feelings and allow them pass.