Posted in Friendship, Life, Loss

Conditional loss and others

The last couple of weeks have been emotionally and physically tiring. I feel the drain, and have talked about it in previous posts. I’m not complaining, my breathing is fine 😉, and I’m just plugging away. I’m just being observant to what’s going on, so I can take care of myself, the thoughts I’m having and the feelings I’m feeling. And then of course there is mercury retrograde again which explains it, doesn’t it?

My time is occupied with serious family matters, friendships and trying to get something going as far as “youniqua” the business I’m trying to build is concerned. All my creative energy has been put into this project. I don’t have to think much and it’s calming and soothing to me. But I should start to earn an income again, better yet I need to, and it’s been two years. Two years of which I spent 13 months in Germany, making Mom and later myself the priority for healing. I’m lucky, I was able to do so, as I feel I might not be here if I had to indulge in the stress and all the other hectic that contributed to my own chronic illness.

In between, I have tore the entire house upside down to eliminate potential allergies Ive struggled with. I’ve cleaned and donated much to the needy and chronically ill. I have to do another round and start all over to get rid of more. I’ve been more active, changed my diet for a healthier lifestyle and have lost 8 lbs so far. People have come and gone in my life and today I struggle a little with loss in general.

It’s been a lot of loss over the past year. I lost Mom, and it’s natural that some days just catch up with me and remind me. It was around this time two years ago everything started going downhill as I was confronted with having to admit her into a nursing home. Despite all odds we became closer then ever, and it’s hard to believe that she has been gone for over 5 months. Shortly after that there was the loss of my aunt who passed as well, and the pain cycle repeated all over. I lost my girlfriend of many years, even decades, although the friendship was over a long time ago. It was amazing how little we had in common left. Actually I couldn’t name a thing now other that we played ping pong together. It just never became that apparent, living that far away from each other and seldom seeing each other. I lost someone special due to love and not being able to answer that call. I still struggle with it and miss that connection more than I can say. Others have distanced because apparently there was nothing material to be gained. I get it all, but felt used and if no use. I know many of our encounters, simply run their course. We enter each other’s life for a reason, to help and support, lend a shoulder to lean on, or a helping hand. Sometimes we receive and sometimes we give. I even understand that we outgrow people as our journey changes and our path becomes different, or is it our priorities that change and why it feels so painful? Maybe it’s because I never feel that is me doing the leaving. To no longer be that priority, to feel discarded and replaced? I don’t know, but regardless what loss it is we experience, I wish for a break for awhile. No more loss and friendship that celebrate the true meaning of friendship, valuing each other for our humanly assets not the material ones.

Thank you for letting me speak my mind. I’m ok, just didn’t want to hold on to that energy.

Don’t miss tomorrow segment of “Created by storms” as another shoutout is due to another special friend.


We are the co-creators of our life and the time is now. More than ever are we needed to support Mother Earth and each other. Together we discover and explore our unique gifts in times of strengths, in times we lean on each other, and in times when we learn from each other. This blog started as an outlet and what I ultimately called my “Warriors Journey.” It was a way to document the ups and downs of my life, sharing my hardships as well as my successes. It showcased the struggles, but more important the ways of how to overcome them. Although we are warriors each and every day, I realized that having to be a warrior, comes from a place of pain. I decided to rename this blog, and “Phoenix Rising” now stands for the story of overcoming such a painful place. My motivation for this blog hasn’t changed and I hope to share inspiration and hope, to create a sense of belonging, a space of being heard, and connecting with like minded beings who instill a sense of oneness. We are never alone, and we are unstoppable in the pursuit of what sets our soul on fire. Who I am in a nutshell... 
I am an energy healer and Reiki Master. I am surviving a chronic disease that I’ve sent into remission three times since my initial bout, 15 years ago. I continuously challenge the status quo and by doing so I change my stars. I am a believer that anything is possible. I am a hopeless romantic and I believe that true love exists on various levels. I am an optimist that will always see the glass as half full. I am a dreamer, believing in endless possibilities. Not even the sky is the limit. I have jumped off of the hamster wheel, and I am writing a new chapter. I am chasing my Nirvana to support my most authentic self. This is my story, I am that Phoenix and I am rising from the ashes. Namaste 🙏🏼💙🦋

18 thoughts on “Conditional loss and others

  1. My heart holds You. Grief is a weird journey. Be kind and loving to yourself, find joy in all that you were able to be for your mum, aunt and friend. Unburdening is such a release and the ability to feel comfortable to do so says so much. blessings to You

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much, your words touch my heart. You are right, grief is such a powerful and weird thing, different for everybody. Thank you for being there and for understanding.
      Much love and blessings to you dear friend. I hope you are well. Hugs.

      Liked by 1 person

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