Posted in Feelings, Healing

A different kind of mood

Castle in Germany

I woke up kind of different today. I woke up early. It’s windy outside and snow is in the forecast, although the sun is shining right now. But don’t be fooled, this can change quickly in the mountains.

Perhaps I feel down with allergies that have been miserable for nearly the whole half of the new year. I’m allergenic you something and it has attacked mainly my eyes, leaving them swollen, itchy, red with flaky skin even. It’s uncomfortable no doubt and maybe it is just finally getting to me as I wait every day for this to pass and return to normal.

Maybe I dreamt something weird. Strange how I never really remembered my dreams and now they have become quite vivid. And weird. I imagine it’s stuff on my mind with Germany and the house, with things being unresolved. Trying to figure out the next move, trying to stabilize my health to earn an income. Do I really want to get lost in a regular job again? I think I know the answer but then I haven’t figured out how to live on air alone either. Yet, but I do have options.

I woke up thinking about Mom today and how long it has been since I talked to her. Today I wished I could talk to her and I miss her. It’s been nearly four month since she has gone. I miss going to the grave to just look after everything. I miss hearing her voice. Today is just one of those days and I guess it matches the storms outside. Time to pick myself up and get on with it. The best way is to allow myself to feel those feelings and acknowledge their place in my life and then move on.

Author:

Who am I, and why I write. I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one. I am the one, holding on to the silver lining when the skies are gray. I’m a believer that nothing is coincidence, but that everything has purpose. I’ve made my mistakes, don’t we all, but I see them as growing pains and they are a part of who I am today. I have lost myself in order to find myself, and I still do from time to time, but in a good way. I’m a big child who laughs until my belly hurts when life wants to be serious. Career wise: I’ve been there, done that, and I took “The jump” off the hamster wheel in an effort to change my future. I didn’t land all that soft, but I can say that I’m still proud to have found the courage to do it. Coming full circle, I had it all, and yet I was lonely and had nothing. Today I choose to be a collector of moments and I chase memories, instead of the material stuff. Less is more, and the motto is quality over quantity. You’d be amazed at how freeing it can be. I see myself as a free spirit that believes in an unconventional lifestyle. Somehow I go against the grain most of the times, not to rebel, but because it feels right to stay true to my unique and authentic self. It takes courage, and you often stand alone, but if you dare, you soon realize that it is the only way if you don’t want to lose who you are. Just like most, my past wasn’t easy and I come from a life that didn’t always give me the opportunity to be heard. Few related and even fewer cared to take the time. But that’s the past and it’s history, the future hasn’t happened and the “NOW” is truly all we ever have. In the end we all have a story to tell, and we all seek to be understood. We all yearn to be heard and accepted and still life is hard and our path is full of stumbling blocks. If we can see the lessons in adversity we may realize that the toughest moments are often our greatest teachers. There is a reason for the saying that the stars can’t shine without darkness, and it might be darkness that will show you the light.
It took a series of (un)fortunate events, to learn to glow through the pain, to learn how to dance in the rain. I believe in Magic and wonder, and the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. As an empath this old soul often feels a little too much, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Today, I am here to tell my story because I believe that it can help others. It is my hope to bring inspiration and strengths to you, while showing you that it can be done. I know you are out there, and I know you are suffering in silence. I am here to tell you that you are not alone, and your voice is being heard loud and clear. Hang on and be strong, transformation is yours. 
In light and love....Rhapsody Bohème 💙🦋

11 thoughts on “A different kind of mood

  1. When you break through to a new awareness, those higher things begin to speak. We just have to learn to listen.
    I reached a point that I would ‘come up’ out of a deep sleep till I was semi awake in the early hours of the morning and practically have a conversation with my higher self. It takes a while because for the first few months it seemed to be fleeting bits, and in hindsight it may have been my higher self seeing if I believed in myself and where I was now at to see if I kept going. I’m glad I did because much love was there for the asking. Things about me, others and life.
    And don’t tell anyone, but spirit also gave me bits of website code that I was having trouble with lol 😂
    Trust me, it shocked me too 😂 ❤️ 🙏🏽

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Your second and third paragraphs are me. My eyes are constantly dripping (I was told it was dry eye, but eye drops are useless). I’m torn by what needs to be done and what to continue doing. My last bill for power up north was almost 500$ and that is BEFORE the temps dropped to -15 or was it -23???
    Rhapsody, my heart friend, I am so thankful you are walking with me. Knowing you are doing what I have bee and will need to do is so encouraging! You are a blessed star in this dark world.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. The castle in your photo looks nice, Rhapsody.
    Allergy can come from so many things like food, air, mold etc. and can be a challenge to find out, where it comes from. I hope for you to find a solution fast, as this also drain you for energy.
    You are an inspiration to many of us in here and I wish for you to find the solutions to go on with your life in a way, where you also have time to live and not only work.
    Vivid dreaming is often a sign to see, that you are close to find ways of living for real, dear friend.
    Much love and huge hugs for you ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Your words are always so special to me and I always feel your care and compassion. Thank you so very much, it means everything to me. I have started to taking lysine for tissue (skin) health and it has helped some. I’m tearing the entire house apart, deep cleaning everything to hopefully get rid of any triggers inside the house.,
      Much love to you my dear friend ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I hope, that you find the trigger, so you will feel better again, Rhapsody.
        While I was using the very strong medication, it gave me itching all over my skin, as the medication made my skin very thin and easy breakable. I found a special soap and lotion, which help me so much. If you are interested in trying this too, tell me and I will send you photos of both by email ❤

        Liked by 1 person

  4. your last words say it all. Allow the feelings acknowledge them and move forward. In saying that your grief is still so new. My heart feels for what you are dealing with, and add the allergies. The dealing with all you are in Germany. Being gentle and kind to your self is very hard when as you say you have yet to learn to live on air. I know I went back to work to early after my partner died. I needed money, four years passed and everything just became too much for me. Curious about your vitamin d level. Here in Tasmania we have issues especially in winter with many peoples levels dropping. I have to take vitamin D. I also hope that your allergies are settling. Seems to me something is wanting you to slow down.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I did think of hearing my body telling me to slow down for the past two years and thought it was time to move on. Perhaps my body hasn’t agreed to that yet. I do try to get vitamin D and spend time outdoors as much as I can. Hoping to see what’s next in store for me soon.

      Liked by 1 person

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