Posted in Death, Life, Loss

Being gentle with myself

It’s hard to believe that three months have gone since Mom’s has left this world. For those of us left behind, it’s been a time of pain and heartbreak. A time of sorrow and loss, a time to adjust and perhaps get used to the truth of never hugging her in the physical again.

It’s been a time of raw feelings but also healing. A time of coming to terms that some questions will never be answered. I have learned a lot in these three months, having experienced death as an adult. It was so much different compared to losing Dad at the age of ten. I was simply too young to comprehend it fully at that time and work through the patterns of grief and loss.

Today I know that I am not the same anymore. I can’t say that I have changed in a negative way, but this pain that has cracked me wide open, has also allowed more light to enter my soul. Going through this experience has ignited my flame even higher and stronger, despite the pain nearly diminishing it several times. More than ever do I know that it is a process, and more than ever do I take care of myself by given it the time to go through those steps. Pain and darkness often lead to enlightenment and brighter days. And because of it I ride the waves of my emotions by staying on top of them. For the most part….

Here is what I would tell you from my own experiences, and this is for anyone who is trying to cope and heal.

It’s ok if you thought you were over it but it hits you all over again.

It’s ok to fall apart even after you thought you had it under control.

You are not weak. Healing is messy. And there is no timeline for healing.

Be gentle with yourself.

Author:

Who am I, and why I write. I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one. I am the one, holding on to the silver lining when the skies are gray. I’m a believer that nothing is coincidence, but that everything has purpose. I’ve made my mistakes, don’t we all, but I see them as growing pains and they are a part of who I am today. I have lost myself in order to find myself, and I still do from time to time, but in a good way. I’m a big child who laughs until my belly hurts when life wants to be serious. Career wise: I’ve been there, done that, and I took “The jump” off the hamster wheel in an effort to change my future. I didn’t land all that soft, but I can say that I’m still proud to have found the courage to do it. Coming full circle, I had it all, and yet I was lonely and had nothing. Today I choose to be a collector of moments and I chase memories, instead of the material stuff. Less is more, and the motto is quality over quantity. You’d be amazed at how freeing it can be. I see myself as a free spirit that believes in an unconventional lifestyle. Somehow I go against the grain most of the times, not to rebel, but because it feels right to stay true to my unique and authentic self. It takes courage, and you often stand alone, but if you dare, you soon realize that it is the only way if you don’t want to lose who you are. Just like most, my past wasn’t easy and I come from a life that didn’t always give me the opportunity to be heard. Few related and even fewer cared to take the time. But that’s the past and it’s history, the future hasn’t happened and the “NOW” is truly all we ever have. In the end we all have a story to tell, and we all seek to be understood. We all yearn to be heard and accepted and still life is hard and our path is full of stumbling blocks. If we can see the lessons in adversity we may realize that the toughest moments are often our greatest teachers. There is a reason for the saying that the stars can’t shine without darkness, and it might be darkness that will show you the light.
It took a series of (un)fortunate events, to learn to glow through the pain, to learn how to dance in the rain. I believe in Magic and wonder, and the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. As an empath this old soul often feels a little too much, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Today, I am here to tell my story because I believe that it can help others. It is my hope to bring inspiration and strengths to you, while showing you that it can be done. I know you are out there, and I know you are suffering in silence. I am here to tell you that you are not alone, and your voice is being heard loud and clear. Hang on and be strong, transformation is yours. 
In light and love....Rhapsody Bohème 💙🦋

19 thoughts on “Being gentle with myself

  1. It so is a healing time with all of its bits. Up, down and sometimes just so numb. And as you have so wisely said, each step brings us a little closer as we allow ourselves to just be, where all that understanding is ❤️
    Big hugs kind lady, may your love and wisdom be so much clearer for this new year ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You are so right Eric and I can definitely see the difference already. It’s been three month and more ok days are in between the waves of pain and when everything catches up. It is still surreal and painful and I imagine it will be for awhile, but we do learn to live with it and it’s not like we have another choice anyways.
      Thank you for your kind words dear friend. Happy New Years.

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  2. So sorry for your loss, both my parents passed within weeks of each other around December 2018, I never got to say goodbye and still don’t feel I’ve grieved, it’s almost like I don’t know how too. Take good care of yourself. June 🦋x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am so sorry to hear this and I can relate. I lost my Dad as I was ten. He went to work and never came back. I never got to say goodbye to Mom either and arrived late with her already passed. It’s hard to find closure and the shock of all, making it so surreal and hard to believe carries us. Grief is different for us all but it I could give some advice, it would be to slow the feelings to come as they are and not suppress them. Be gentle with yourself and give yourself time. Best wishes and happy new year. Xoxoxo

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you very much and I have been lucky in that aspect. Being off of work and not having to worry about time frames. Grieve has a schedule on its own and I am glad that I could and can let my emotions come and go as they are without having to suppress them. Thank you for your kind words xo

      Liked by 1 person

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