Posted in Death, Life, Loss

Being gentle with myself

It’s hard to believe that three months have gone since Mom’s has left this world. For those of us left behind, it’s been a time of pain and heartbreak. A time of sorrow and loss, a time to adjust and perhaps get used to the truth of never hugging her in the physical again.

It’s been a time of raw feelings but also healing. A time of coming to terms that some questions will never be answered. I have learned a lot in these three months, having experienced death as an adult. It was so much different compared to losing Dad at the age of ten. I was simply too young to comprehend it fully at that time and work through the patterns of grief and loss.

Today I know that I am not the same anymore. I can’t say that I have changed in a negative way, but this pain that has cracked me wide open, has also allowed more light to enter my soul. Going through this experience has ignited my flame even higher and stronger, despite the pain nearly diminishing it several times. More than ever do I know that it is a process, and more than ever do I take care of myself by given it the time to go through those steps. Pain and darkness often lead to enlightenment and brighter days. And because of it I ride the waves of my emotions by staying on top of them. For the most part….

Here is what I would tell you from my own experiences, and this is for anyone who is trying to cope and heal.

It’s ok if you thought you were over it but it hits you all over again.

It’s ok to fall apart even after you thought you had it under control.

You are not weak. Healing is messy. And there is no timeline for healing.

Be gentle with yourself.


We are the co-creators of our life and the time is now. More than ever are we needed to support Mother Earth and each other. Together we discover and explore our unique gifts in times of strengths, in times we lean on each other, and in times when we learn from each other. This blog started as an outlet and what I ultimately called my “Warriors Journey.” It was a way to document the ups and downs of my life, sharing my hardships as well as my successes. It showcased the struggles, but more important the ways of how to overcome them. Although we are warriors each and every day, I realized that having to be a warrior, comes from a place of pain. I decided to rename this blog, and “Phoenix Rising” now stands for the story of overcoming such a painful place. My motivation for this blog hasn’t changed and I hope to share inspiration and hope, to create a sense of belonging, a space of being heard, and connecting with like minded beings who instill a sense of oneness. We are never alone, and we are unstoppable in the pursuit of what sets our soul on fire. Who I am in a nutshell... 
I am an energy healer and Reiki Master. I am surviving a chronic disease that I’ve sent into remission three times since my initial bout, 15 years ago. I continuously challenge the status quo and by doing so I change my stars. I am a believer that anything is possible. I am a hopeless romantic and I believe that true love exists on various levels. I am an optimist that will always see the glass as half full. I am a dreamer, believing in endless possibilities. Not even the sky is the limit. I have jumped off of the hamster wheel, and I am writing a new chapter. I am chasing my Nirvana to support my most authentic self. This is my story, I am that Phoenix and I am rising from the ashes. Namaste 🙏🏼💙🦋

19 thoughts on “Being gentle with myself

  1. It so is a healing time with all of its bits. Up, down and sometimes just so numb. And as you have so wisely said, each step brings us a little closer as we allow ourselves to just be, where all that understanding is ❤️
    Big hugs kind lady, may your love and wisdom be so much clearer for this new year ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You are so right Eric and I can definitely see the difference already. It’s been three month and more ok days are in between the waves of pain and when everything catches up. It is still surreal and painful and I imagine it will be for awhile, but we do learn to live with it and it’s not like we have another choice anyways.
      Thank you for your kind words dear friend. Happy New Years.


  2. So sorry for your loss, both my parents passed within weeks of each other around December 2018, I never got to say goodbye and still don’t feel I’ve grieved, it’s almost like I don’t know how too. Take good care of yourself. June 🦋x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am so sorry to hear this and I can relate. I lost my Dad as I was ten. He went to work and never came back. I never got to say goodbye to Mom either and arrived late with her already passed. It’s hard to find closure and the shock of all, making it so surreal and hard to believe carries us. Grief is different for us all but it I could give some advice, it would be to slow the feelings to come as they are and not suppress them. Be gentle with yourself and give yourself time. Best wishes and happy new year. Xoxoxo

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you very much and I have been lucky in that aspect. Being off of work and not having to worry about time frames. Grieve has a schedule on its own and I am glad that I could and can let my emotions come and go as they are without having to suppress them. Thank you for your kind words xo

      Liked by 1 person

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