It’s travel day and I am heading back to the states today. This post, along with others are pre-scheduled, as I’m sure I wouldn’t find the words on the actual day. There have been a few goodbyes and tears already, and more will transpire by the time this actually publishes. It’s so hard, although I have things and people to look forward to once I get back. Still it feels like I should be here where I feel closest to Mom. I am not ready to let go but perhaps a little distance is exactly what in need to heal.
A dear friend and sister was trying to cheer me up the other day. Long have we talked about getting up in the morning, starting the day with a little dance, well a dance like no one is watching and not really all that little. She send me a video Rihanna “Shine bright like a diamond” that immediately brought tears to my face. I was thinking of the choices we have to shine and how difficult it has been lately to shine bright like diamond. Perhaps I felt more like a dull, worn off stone that had lost its sparkle. Still I know it’s there, and not lost. It just takes time and sometimes it’s ok to be dull to still shine bright. Does that even make sense? I think sometimes strength lies in the silence, in the background and doesn’t always require actions. I think to shine is what we pay forward and give, even in times when we experience loss and pain. I think it’s a great treasure, a diamond when your heart has been broken and still bleeds love without it hardening itself.
So yes, I may have not danced like no one is watching yet, but I think I had my opportunities to shine bright like a diamond.