Another piece of writing on sacred dreams with Sanne Burger and the amazing artwork from Sophia Wilkins has resonated and needs to be shared. There is so much to take away from here, so much that has ran through my veins all of these years.
I went to church after Moms funeral and the sermon was about how all of us get homesick and love to return back where we came from, but also how all of us have a certain yearning to travel, a desire for new adventures that pull us away. Numerous times I felt that this sermon could have very well been written for me. I find myself here now and where is really home I ask. I am learning that I don’t have to choose anymore, that I don’t have to decide. I don’t have to feel torn between two countries anymore and I can love both. There will always be something that draws me back to this simple little village, but there will always be adventure that calls me ad I will guard and listen to both.
I have an idea of what’s to come and here is a glimpse of what came to be
I can’t stay mother, I love you, but I wasn’t born to please you. I wasn’t born to make you happy or give your life meaning. I wasn’t born to rot under your wings like an unhatched egg.
I can’t stay teacher. I wasn’t born to be put into your boxes to think along your lines or to memorize your facts. I was born to think independently.
I can’t stay my love. I wasn’t born to satisfy your needs to take care of you or hide in your arms. I wasn’t born to make myself smaller or to be taken for granted.
I can’t say boss. I wasn’t born to make money for others, I wasn’t born to follow orders or to repeat the same day over and over again. I wasn’t born for boredom.
I can’t stay master. I wasn’t born to follow your ideas of what truth is or to live according to your dogmas. I was born to find my own truth and make my own rules.
I was born to meet life full on. To get lost on Indian trains. To be seduced by dangerous men. To meet different faces, places and cultures. To be out in the jungle all night. To run with the wolves, to be swept off my feet. To be taken by storm, to be heartbroken, devastated, stunned, shocked, lost, thrown into the deep.
I was born to get my hands dirty. To get sand in my mouth, mud on my clothes, thorns under my feet. I was born to meet aliens, to do rituals, to be cracked open in ceremony. To go beyond time and space. To welcome magic and to totally loose myself.
I was born to feel everything, to taste everything, even the bitter taste of sorrow, the foul taste of deceit, but also the sweet taste of love.
I was born to learn how to handle change gracefully. I was born to know the truth, to learn how to fly.
I was born to learn how to speak the language of love. How to unchain my heart, how to shed everything and how to let go of all expectations. I was born to learn how it feels to lose everything, except what really matters. I was born to live a life that would strip away everything that wasn’t real, that wasn’t true and that wasn’t me.
I am a Phoenix. I am born to spread my wings and fly towards the sun. To burn up and turn to ashes, to fall down to earth and rise up again.
When I am old, I will be proud of my scars, my wrinkles, my memories, my stories, my wisdom and my freedom.
I was born to be free and therefore I can’t stay.