Posted in Death, Life, Mom

Mom – A bond that couldn’t be broken

One month ago I received the terrible news of Moms passing. It’s hard to believe that four weeks have passed, and yet it feels so unreal and hard to grasp most days. It’s a never ending nightmare with the same outcome. She’s just not here anymore, not in the physical sense anyways, but I feel her presence other times and know that she will forever be with me. Sometimes the signs are subtle, sometimes they are smack into my face and Mom has always had a way of being very direct, even blunt at times. At least with me. She didn’t held anything back and she let me have it, especially if I aggravated her in some sense.

She kept her mouth shut on most occasions, even in times when she was wronged and she never talked back about anyone in a bad or revengeful way. She wasn’t dumb and her exposure to the world was minimal, but she still knew and had a healthy take on right or wrong. She kept her feelings, her opinions to herself for the most part, perhaps to keep the peace, to not rock the boat. After all she was alone most of her life and I was far far away in another country, but when it came to me, she spoke her peace without sugarcoating anything. She was blunt and direct. Today, I know that I have inherited this from her, but my approach is a little different. I’d be lying if I said that her ways didn’t leave pain and scars behind, that they didn’t cut deep into my heart and burdened me with a heavy load most of my life. I’d be sugarcoating it to dismiss how hard these times were, how much I have chased her love and acceptance as her daughter all of my life. And yet I have never held it against her, and her being gone couldn’t hurt any more. I loved her unconditionally and she was always my Mother. It was a bond that couldn’t be broken. I pleated with her when she was strong willed and dismissed me and my feelings. I’ve never stopped trying to make her proud of me and a couple of times I even received a few glimpses of what this could feel like.

I know that in the end she has always loved me, she just couldn’t verbalize it. I wouldn’t trade our time last year and I realize how important that time was for both of us. How much closer we got, and that that love was always there. She has shown me while I grew up without my Dad in the form of providing for me and even now in her death it is still trough material and financial ways that she provides for me. It was always her way to show you that she loved you. She provided, she bought things for you. If I could choose, I’d give it all away for a one big hug and one sincere “I love you.” She managed to give me half of it in this lifetime.

So if you think money can replace love, think again because love is priceless and can not be replaced. A hug, a look, a touch of hands, a heartfelt I love you, will always be worth more then anything you can buy. Material things can make you feel good but their magic never lasts. Love fills your heart with warmth’s and a strengths that will last forever.

Author:

Who am I, and why I write. I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one. I am the one, holding on to the silver lining when the skies are gray. I’m a believer that nothing is coincidence, but that everything has purpose. I’ve made my mistakes, don’t we all, but I see them as growing pains and they are a part of who I am today. I have lost myself in order to find myself, and I still do from time to time, but in a good way. I’m a big child who laughs until my belly hurts when life wants to be serious. Career wise: I’ve been there, done that, and I took “The jump” off the hamster wheel in an effort to change my future. I didn’t land all that soft, but I can say that I’m still proud to have found the courage to do it. Coming full circle, I had it all, and yet I was lonely and had nothing. Today I choose to be a collector of moments and I chase memories, instead of the material stuff. Less is more, and the motto is quality over quantity. You’d be amazed at how freeing it can be. I see myself as a free spirit that believes in an unconventional lifestyle. Somehow I go against the grain most of the times, not to rebel, but because it feels right to stay true to my unique and authentic self. It takes courage, and you often stand alone, but if you dare, you soon realize that it is the only way if you don’t want to lose who you are. Just like most, my past wasn’t easy and I come from a life that didn’t always give me the opportunity to be heard. Few related and even fewer cared to take the time. But that’s the past and it’s history, the future hasn’t happened and the “NOW” is truly all we ever have. In the end we all have a story to tell, and we all seek to be understood. We all yearn to be heard and accepted and still life is hard and our path is full of stumbling blocks. If we can see the lessons in adversity we may realize that the toughest moments are often our greatest teachers. There is a reason for the saying that the stars can’t shine without darkness, and it might be darkness that will show you the light.
It took a series of (un)fortunate events, to learn to glow through the pain, to learn how to dance in the rain. I believe in Magic and wonder, and the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. As an empath this old soul often feels a little too much, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Today, I am here to tell my story because I believe that it can help others. It is my hope to bring inspiration and strengths to you, while showing you that it can be done. I know you are out there, and I know you are suffering in silence. I am here to tell you that you are not alone, and your voice is being heard loud and clear. Hang on and be strong, transformation is yours. 
In light and love....Rhapsody Bohème 💙🦋

18 thoughts on “Mom – A bond that couldn’t be broken

  1. I feel very happy for your 10 months together last year, dear Rhapsody.
    That time gave you more than through many other years.
    You are so right, the material can give us safety, but love is much else too.
    Send you lots of love ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I’ve been thinking a lot about you. I’m so glad you got that time with your mother, to grow closer with her. Even when we have our ups and downs with someone, time with them will always be a treasure. Sending hugs ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  3. And in all our fears and doubts of what we are, your mom gave you a priceless gift. She wants you to question what you meant to each other through your lives, so that one day you will see a light. And in that light will be a completely new understanding, one where you will see that she loved you totally by being exactly as she was…so you would set yourself free.
    Said one dragonfly to the other, ‘just let your heart fly, the views go on forever’

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I got to see such light today finding a pile of handwritten notes from me, 30 some years old stapled together and kept all this time. My heart was a mess and I knew she would have never done this if she didn’t love me. I’ve questioned her all my life because she never told me that she loved me and I needed to hear it so badly. I even thought she was a bad mother at some point because she was so hard and strict with me. Today I ask her to forgive me for ever feeling this way.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It is such a beautiful thing to touch those moments Rhapsody, and with it the understanding that she found it very hard to say those words to you. But the most amazing part is when we finally ‘see’ that she too was raised with that same problem from one or both of her parents. We try to follow those we love and look up to, not realising we are also taking the ‘bits’ that will make it difficult later. But in that difficulty lays the most beautiful part of our journey, to go through it and appreciate what we have endured to find that love we had been missing.
        She loves you with all her heart, but just found it so hard to say those words. Now she is pouring out a love like no other and her dragonflies are speaking it each time you meet them, and even in the touch of those notes she has touched you with it.
        And asking that forgiveness means you are beginning to ‘see’, and in that understanding it will now set you free. Your wall of fear will now dissolve because you can now see that it has served its purpose and is no longer what you now are…unconditional. You have let go the conditions of that fear that held you from being you, your love will no longer have that weight but be the dragonfly your mom now is. Be free and fly kind lady, it is time to be a creator, no longer reacting to this world ❤️

        Liked by 2 people

      2. As if you can see inside my heart and just know. Perhaps you are my guardian angel talking to me and helping me through this time.
        All is as you say and I couldn’t have said more to describe what is going on. Thank you Mark, how could I ever thank you enough.
        Mmmm chocolate????

        Liked by 1 person

      3. lol. yes please, guardian angels looooove chocolate 😀
        But truthfully I’m just a trail guide, having been through this path before. And the main thing was that I had asked God to give me understanding for the pain of this world (be careful what you ask for because we attract like crazy), and in doing so I had to experience each of those steps. Each time I went through something and understood it, spirit / my higher self / God asked me to ‘put it out there’ to help others, hence the blog (initially I felt I was supposed to do a book but I thought that the blog would be better…I hope 😀 . Maybe later 😀) . And the more I let go my wall the more I could see. And as I opened my heart, the more I would be shown…but ‘I’ had to take those steps…those same steps that are there for us all.
        Even my post on ‘The Death’ on the menu at the top I was taken by spirit to ‘see’ and experience when we let go of this world and it is the most incredibly beautiful thing I have ever touched. I can barely describe it properly because of what it is built on, that truly unconditional love we have always sought. Your mom is literally ‘in heaven’ Rhapsody, no more pain, no more of the angst of this life, and this is replaced by an all knowing, all loving way of being. She now ‘knows’ all of her journey because of what she has experienced down here, and also knows very much your love for her and gives of her love to you…unconditionally. She ‘knows’ that everything went exactly as it should, to create what you both have created…a journey to create that unconditional love, for you both ❤️

        Liked by 1 person

      4. I can hardly find any words that could convey everything that I would like to say in response to this. I understand and from the bottom of my heart I give thanks and I am most grateful for you. What you are doing is beautiful healing work, for yourself and others. You are an angel walking amongst us and I will always make sure there is chocolate. I should mail you some. German Swiss chocolate is delicious. 😉

        Liked by 1 person

      5. Oh please, don’t do that, stop twisting my arm…angels are strong and don’t need chocolate. I on the other hand am weak and have a need to trip and stumble face first into a chocolate heaven occasionally 😂
        And in truth spirit has in fact slapped my wrist and said no, stop it, be good…but it is like all little boys, the temptation is always there 😂
        Thank you kind lady, your offer is tempting but I will be strong…and cry a lot when someone walks by smiling as they relegate another block to gourmet heaven 😀 ❤️
        Big hugs Rhapsody, may your chocolate never be a tempter (much) ❤️ xox

        Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s