Posted in Death, Life, Mom

Mom – A bond that couldn’t be broken

One month ago I received the terrible news of Moms passing. It’s hard to believe that four weeks have passed, and yet it feels so unreal and hard to grasp most days. It’s a never ending nightmare with the same outcome. She’s just not here anymore, not in the physical sense anyways, but I feel her presence other times and know that she will forever be with me. Sometimes the signs are subtle, sometimes they are smack into my face and Mom has always had a way of being very direct, even blunt at times. At least with me. She didn’t held anything back and she let me have it, especially if I aggravated her in some sense.

She kept her mouth shut on most occasions, even in times when she was wronged and she never talked back about anyone in a bad or revengeful way. She wasn’t dumb and her exposure to the world was minimal, but she still knew and had a healthy take on right or wrong. She kept her feelings, her opinions to herself for the most part, perhaps to keep the peace, to not rock the boat. After all she was alone most of her life and I was far far away in another country, but when it came to me, she spoke her peace without sugarcoating anything. She was blunt and direct. Today, I know that I have inherited this from her, but my approach is a little different. I’d be lying if I said that her ways didn’t leave pain and scars behind, that they didn’t cut deep into my heart and burdened me with a heavy load most of my life. I’d be sugarcoating it to dismiss how hard these times were, how much I have chased her love and acceptance as her daughter all of my life. And yet I have never held it against her, and her being gone couldn’t hurt any more. I loved her unconditionally and she was always my Mother. It was a bond that couldn’t be broken. I pleated with her when she was strong willed and dismissed me and my feelings. I’ve never stopped trying to make her proud of me and a couple of times I even received a few glimpses of what this could feel like.

I know that in the end she has always loved me, she just couldn’t verbalize it. I wouldn’t trade our time last year and I realize how important that time was for both of us. How much closer we got, and that that love was always there. She has shown me while I grew up without my Dad in the form of providing for me and even now in her death it is still trough material and financial ways that she provides for me. It was always her way to show you that she loved you. She provided, she bought things for you. If I could choose, I’d give it all away for a one big hug and one sincere “I love you.” She managed to give me half of it in this lifetime.

So if you think money can replace love, think again because love is priceless and can not be replaced. A hug, a look, a touch of hands, a heartfelt I love you, will always be worth more then anything you can buy. Material things can make you feel good but their magic never lasts. Love fills your heart with warmth’s and a strengths that will last forever.

Author:

We are the co-creators of our life and the time is now. More than ever are we needed to support Mother Earth and each other. Together we discover and explore our unique gifts in times of strengths, in times we lean on each other, and in times when we learn from each other. This blog started as an outlet and what I ultimately called my “Warriors Journey.” It was a way to document the ups and downs of my life, sharing my hardships as well as my successes. It showcased the struggles, but more important the ways of how to overcome them. Although we are warriors each and every day, I realized that having to be a warrior, comes from a place of pain. I decided to rename this blog, and “Phoenix Rising” now stands for the story of overcoming such a painful place. My motivation for this blog hasn’t changed and I hope to share inspiration and hope, to create a sense of belonging, a space of being heard, and connecting with like minded beings who instill a sense of oneness. We are never alone, and we are unstoppable in the pursuit of what sets our soul on fire. Who I am in a nutshell... 
I am an energy healer and Reiki Master. I am surviving a chronic disease that I’ve sent into remission three times since my initial bout, 15 years ago. I continuously challenge the status quo and by doing so I change my stars. I am a believer that anything is possible. I am a hopeless romantic and I believe that true love exists on various levels. I am an optimist that will always see the glass as half full. I am a dreamer, believing in endless possibilities. Not even the sky is the limit. I have jumped off of the hamster wheel, and I am writing a new chapter. I am chasing my Nirvana to support my most authentic self. This is my story, I am that Phoenix and I am rising from the ashes. Namaste 🙏🏼💙🦋

18 thoughts on “Mom – A bond that couldn’t be broken

  1. I feel very happy for your 10 months together last year, dear Rhapsody.
    That time gave you more than through many other years.
    You are so right, the material can give us safety, but love is much else too.
    Send you lots of love ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I’ve been thinking a lot about you. I’m so glad you got that time with your mother, to grow closer with her. Even when we have our ups and downs with someone, time with them will always be a treasure. Sending hugs ❤

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  3. And in all our fears and doubts of what we are, your mom gave you a priceless gift. She wants you to question what you meant to each other through your lives, so that one day you will see a light. And in that light will be a completely new understanding, one where you will see that she loved you totally by being exactly as she was…so you would set yourself free.
    Said one dragonfly to the other, ‘just let your heart fly, the views go on forever’

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    1. I got to see such light today finding a pile of handwritten notes from me, 30 some years old stapled together and kept all this time. My heart was a mess and I knew she would have never done this if she didn’t love me. I’ve questioned her all my life because she never told me that she loved me and I needed to hear it so badly. I even thought she was a bad mother at some point because she was so hard and strict with me. Today I ask her to forgive me for ever feeling this way.

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      1. It is such a beautiful thing to touch those moments Rhapsody, and with it the understanding that she found it very hard to say those words to you. But the most amazing part is when we finally ‘see’ that she too was raised with that same problem from one or both of her parents. We try to follow those we love and look up to, not realising we are also taking the ‘bits’ that will make it difficult later. But in that difficulty lays the most beautiful part of our journey, to go through it and appreciate what we have endured to find that love we had been missing.
        She loves you with all her heart, but just found it so hard to say those words. Now she is pouring out a love like no other and her dragonflies are speaking it each time you meet them, and even in the touch of those notes she has touched you with it.
        And asking that forgiveness means you are beginning to ‘see’, and in that understanding it will now set you free. Your wall of fear will now dissolve because you can now see that it has served its purpose and is no longer what you now are…unconditional. You have let go the conditions of that fear that held you from being you, your love will no longer have that weight but be the dragonfly your mom now is. Be free and fly kind lady, it is time to be a creator, no longer reacting to this world ❤️

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      2. As if you can see inside my heart and just know. Perhaps you are my guardian angel talking to me and helping me through this time.
        All is as you say and I couldn’t have said more to describe what is going on. Thank you Mark, how could I ever thank you enough.
        Mmmm chocolate????

        Liked by 1 person

      3. lol. yes please, guardian angels looooove chocolate 😀
        But truthfully I’m just a trail guide, having been through this path before. And the main thing was that I had asked God to give me understanding for the pain of this world (be careful what you ask for because we attract like crazy), and in doing so I had to experience each of those steps. Each time I went through something and understood it, spirit / my higher self / God asked me to ‘put it out there’ to help others, hence the blog (initially I felt I was supposed to do a book but I thought that the blog would be better…I hope 😀 . Maybe later 😀) . And the more I let go my wall the more I could see. And as I opened my heart, the more I would be shown…but ‘I’ had to take those steps…those same steps that are there for us all.
        Even my post on ‘The Death’ on the menu at the top I was taken by spirit to ‘see’ and experience when we let go of this world and it is the most incredibly beautiful thing I have ever touched. I can barely describe it properly because of what it is built on, that truly unconditional love we have always sought. Your mom is literally ‘in heaven’ Rhapsody, no more pain, no more of the angst of this life, and this is replaced by an all knowing, all loving way of being. She now ‘knows’ all of her journey because of what she has experienced down here, and also knows very much your love for her and gives of her love to you…unconditionally. She ‘knows’ that everything went exactly as it should, to create what you both have created…a journey to create that unconditional love, for you both ❤️

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      4. I can hardly find any words that could convey everything that I would like to say in response to this. I understand and from the bottom of my heart I give thanks and I am most grateful for you. What you are doing is beautiful healing work, for yourself and others. You are an angel walking amongst us and I will always make sure there is chocolate. I should mail you some. German Swiss chocolate is delicious. 😉

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      5. Oh please, don’t do that, stop twisting my arm…angels are strong and don’t need chocolate. I on the other hand am weak and have a need to trip and stumble face first into a chocolate heaven occasionally 😂
        And in truth spirit has in fact slapped my wrist and said no, stop it, be good…but it is like all little boys, the temptation is always there 😂
        Thank you kind lady, your offer is tempting but I will be strong…and cry a lot when someone walks by smiling as they relegate another block to gourmet heaven 😀 ❤️
        Big hugs Rhapsody, may your chocolate never be a tempter (much) ❤️ xox

        Liked by 1 person

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