Posted in Life, Mom, My story

An old friend

I stopped at the house (Moms house) for the first time on Friday. It was very emotional and very different this time. Things are no longer the same. Despite she wasn’t at the house either as I spent ten month in Germany last year, Mom was still in this world, alive, and perhaps it was hope that kept us both going. A thought of hope that she might return to her beloved place, her home once more. But that day would never come.

I barely made it to the front door as an old friend greeted me. Remember Bember the cat? She was all cuddles and purrs, it was nice to see her, but right away I could feel myself well up. This cat was one of a Moms last friends, keeping her company in the lonely house. I’m not sure if she ever felt lonely here, she must have, but she loved this house and it’s where her memories with Dad are. I took some comfort feeding Bember and knowing that I was on the heel of the things Mom used to do.

It was overwhelming to come into the house, knowing Mom would never see it again. Everything was so final and I sat for awhile looking at both my parents pictures on the wall, pleading “Now what” under tears. The house feels so much different, and it appears to me just like it must have to Mom as Dad passed. I now feel the same about her passing and there is a different level of understanding. I learn anew that things become memories, painful and heartbreaking. I can see why she never wanted to change anything in the house for it would have disturbed those memories.

This is very hard and I know things will find their way. Eventually…but not for a long time.

Author:

Who am I, and why I write. I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one. I am the one, holding on to the silver lining when the skies are gray. I’m a believer that nothing is coincidence, but that everything has purpose. I’ve made my mistakes, don’t we all, but I see them as growing pains and they are a part of who I am today. I have lost myself in order to find myself, and I still do from time to time, but in a good way. I’m a big child who laughs until my belly hurts when life wants to be serious. Career wise: I’ve been there, done that, and I took “The jump” off the hamster wheel in an effort to change my future. I didn’t land all that soft, but I can say that I’m still proud to have found the courage to do it. Coming full circle, I had it all, and yet I was lonely and had nothing. Today I choose to be a collector of moments and I chase memories, instead of the material stuff. Less is more, and the motto is quality over quantity. You’d be amazed at how freeing it can be. I see myself as a free spirit that believes in an unconventional lifestyle. Somehow I go against the grain most of the times, not to rebel, but because it feels right to stay true to my unique and authentic self. It takes courage, and you often stand alone, but if you dare, you soon realize that it is the only way if you don’t want to lose who you are. Just like most, my past wasn’t easy and I come from a life that didn’t always give me the opportunity to be heard. Few related and even fewer cared to take the time. But that’s the past and it’s history, the future hasn’t happened and the “NOW” is truly all we ever have. In the end we all have a story to tell, and we all seek to be understood. We all yearn to be heard and accepted and still life is hard and our path is full of stumbling blocks. If we can see the lessons in adversity we may realize that the toughest moments are often our greatest teachers. There is a reason for the saying that the stars can’t shine without darkness, and it might be darkness that will show you the light.
It took a series of (un)fortunate events, to learn to glow through the pain, to learn how to dance in the rain. I believe in Magic and wonder, and the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. As an empath this old soul often feels a little too much, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Today, I am here to tell my story because I believe that it can help others. It is my hope to bring inspiration and strengths to you, while showing you that it can be done. I know you are out there, and I know you are suffering in silence. I am here to tell you that you are not alone, and your voice is being heard loud and clear. Hang on and be strong, transformation is yours. 
In light and love....Rhapsody Bohème 💙🦋

23 thoughts on “An old friend

  1. Aw, it is so great that Bember came to see you. I assume he lives close by… Yes, memories suddenly attach themselves to every little material thing when the energy of the person they belonged to, is no longer on the earth plane. Beware getting too wrapped up in the things themselves… This is where detachment comes in. Hang on to the memories and to the fleeting last energies and then let go… It is only by doing so, that you totally free your Mom’s spirit to other dimensions. Bember will help you. He is very much a spirit animal come to help. 😥🐈💕

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Bember lives here in the neighborhood and I don’t think she has permanent owners.
      I take each day as it comes for right now and I am not trying to control anything. I found its much healthier for me this way. Some days I get wrapped up and I use the blog for an outlet. Some days I’m Stronger and see things objectively. Some days I am relieved that her pain is over and other I miss the hell out of her and cry out her name. It’s a process that I don’t try to analyze but which I allow myself to feel and go through the ugly bits as well as the tolerable ones. I am glad Bember is still here. She was my spirit animal last years as well. ❤️

      Liked by 2 people

  2. As I read your posts of the past several days it brings memories of my Dad’s passing almost 30 years ago now and my Mom’s passing 6 years ago. I remember so vividly walking into their home after each passed. ♥♥
    I’m so glad you had a visitor to give you cuddles. Hugs.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yes, it’s just not the same anymore. I was in the house by myself last Yeah as well, but it was different and Mom was still alive. Now there is a silence, a sadness that fills the walls. An eternity and something so final that makes the quiet feel awful loud at times. Hugs

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m happy to read, that Bember went to welcome you, dear Rhapsody. Cats has a sense of knowing, when they can be a help and support for us mentally.
    Take your time as you feel for to release every feeling and then you find out, what you wish to do with the material goods. Not important right now.
    I do remember to stand in my fathers house, also knowing that he was gone, very strange feelings.
    Take good care of yourself, dear friend, and remember that you are not alone.
    Much love to you ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You can completely understand and such insight and understanding can only come from experiencing this loss yourself. I am not worried too much about the material things as everything has it’s time and will fall into place. Of course a thought here and there has crossed my mind but I know that everything will find it’s way.
      Much love and light to you dear friend. ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

  4. It is good that Bember is going to help you through this time Rhapsody. They have amazing energy animals and give us strength.
    And just remember to give yourself time out with all that is happening, your health is important too. Maybe Bember can take you for walks 🙂
    Big hugs 💜

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh I already took liberty of it without approval and had some for you too. What are good friends for eh? As I recall you made a mess out of yourself and had chocolate smeared all over your face. Guess you liked it 😉😂

        Liked by 1 person

  5. I’m so glad Bember came for a visit 🙂 How comforting that must have been. I can’t imagine the tornado of emotions going through you right now. I think of you often, friend. Sending lots of hugs and prayers for you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I will take for granted all the support and love sent. Thank you.
      I was comforting to have Bember great me as soon as I got to the house. It was as if she had been waiting and knew I was coming. Quite amazing actually.

      Liked by 1 person

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