Posted in Death, Loss, Mom

Fly with the Angels ❤️

This is hard to write, but I have to and I already have to honor your memory, despite the pain I feel right now. This is about YOU and not me and my pain.

Mom 19th July 1938 – 28th September 2019

My heart is in so much hurt tonight and feels the loss only a daughter can feel for her mother. It’s ironic how far away I have been all of these years, how much time we missed, and already tonight I miss you so much and wished I could talk to you and make you laugh once more. I imagine everyone feels this way, and some day we won’t get another chance to do that. For me that day came today and I am sorry I didn’t make it back to Germany in time. I am grateful for the ten month we had last year and our time together will always be close to my heart, for it was the closest time we ever spent together.

You see I have prepared for this moment all of my life, ever since Dad died, but can one truly ever prepare for the loss of a loved one? I take little comfort right now knowing that you no longer have to suffer and it is what I need to hold on to keep myself in the light, helping me through these difficult times.

I planned to leave a heart rock for you in a special place the other day. Along the way I found another heart rock missing a piece from the top left corner. To me it was symbolic of our hearts together and that a piece of my heart will forever be with you.

I love you forever and I will visit you in the energetic world where no pain exists and where you are reunited with Dad, the love of your life once more. Where you can run again and are not restricted to a wheelchair. Where you can see your parents and be without suffering. Where you can be free and be loved the way you deserve to be.

RIP Mom, I promise I am doing my best to be strong, but it is undeniable that life has and will be changed a great deal without you. I can only hope to find half the strengths you had in your life here on earth, because you have overcome some incredible odds. I carry you in my heart always, until we meet again. All of my love….your loving daughter.

Author:

We are the co-creators of our life and the time is now. More than ever are we needed to support Mother Earth and each other. Together we discover and explore our unique gifts in times of strengths, in times we lean on each other, and in times when we learn from each other. This blog started as an outlet and what I ultimately called my “Warriors Journey.” It was a way to document the ups and downs of my life, sharing my hardships as well as my successes. It showcased the struggles, but more important the ways of how to overcome them. Although we are warriors each and every day, I realized that having to be a warrior, comes from a place of pain. I decided to rename this blog, and “Phoenix Rising” now stands for the story of overcoming such a painful place. My motivation for this blog hasn’t changed and I hope to share inspiration and hope, to create a sense of belonging, a space of being heard, and connecting with like minded beings who instill a sense of oneness. We are never alone, and we are unstoppable in the pursuit of what sets our soul on fire. Who I am in a nutshell... 
I am an energy healer and Reiki Master. I am surviving a chronic disease that I’ve sent into remission three times since my initial bout, 15 years ago. I continuously challenge the status quo and by doing so I change my stars. I am a believer that anything is possible. I am a hopeless romantic and I believe that true love exists on various levels. I am an optimist that will always see the glass as half full. I am a dreamer, believing in endless possibilities. Not even the sky is the limit. I have jumped off of the hamster wheel, and I am writing a new chapter. I am chasing my Nirvana to support my most authentic self. This is my story, I am that Phoenix and I am rising from the ashes. Namaste 🙏🏼💙🦋

58 thoughts on “Fly with the Angels ❤️

  1. I am so very sorry for your loss. About six months ago, I had this incredibly real dream that my mom had died, and in it, I experienced the truth about what it is to exist on this planet without your mother. It was…I don’t know the words to describe it. But I felt so very lost. I am sending you lots of love.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Dear RhapsodyBoheme,

      I would like to concur with Courtney (After The Party), to the extent that all three of us just lost our mothers recently.

      Reading your post has made me very teary, as you probably already know that I have been grieving myself and also publishing my latest post on my blog as a special multimedia eulogy for my late mother, entitled “Khai & Khim: For Always and Beyond Goodbye”.

      Please kindly allow me to send you a message originally printed on a condolence card given to me by a dear friend of mine at the funeral ceremony:

      Loved ones leave footprints in our hearts that last forever.
      Words of comfort alone, may never be enough to ease the pain you feel right now.

      Thinking of you and sending you love and hugs now. . . . .

      Liked by 2 people

    2. I am so sorry for your loss as well. I didn’t know and it is truly a heartbreaking feeling. Nothing could have me prepared for this, not even losing another parent. I was too young to understand then and the pain of it spread out throughout the years once I got older and understood. This time I feel the pain at full impact and it is immense and worse then before.
      I know I have lived my entire life independently, but this feels so strange, as if all of a sudden I have become orphaned.
      Much love to you my dear friend. I wish I’d known about your Mom. I would have liked to help although I know there is not much help that can be given. Embracing and wrapping you in love.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I just feel awful, I need to clarify that my mom did not die, I had a very real dream that she did, and I’m so sorry for the misunderstanding. I have rarely had a dream that was so real, and it stayed with me. But it is NOT the same thing as losing your mother. I am sending you both love, so sorry for your loss.

        Liked by 2 people

    1. I know you have my dear friend and I appreciate you for walking by my side. Thank you so much. I somehow feel that there is more to the story to tell.
      We fought, we conquered and had victories. Now we have being released from suffering, but also a tremendous loss for those left behind and a healing journey that needs to commence over time.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. My sister, Hugs of comfort in this time of goodbyes. I love the two hearts together… Your Mom has taken your love with her, so don’t feel sad, feel happy that you let her go and find peace. My love, you will feel lost for a while, but time will heal all wounds and you have a special ‘knowing’ that this was the right time, even though you weren’t able to see her one more time. You know that it would have pulled her back against her will. Take comfort in the knowledge that despite all, your love bond was repaired and gave your Mom so much. Condolences my sister. 💖

    Liked by 4 people

    1. I am happy she is relieved from the pain and is in a better place. I allow my feelings to come and go without suppressing anything. Tears and grief is in order, just as much strength and understanding to go on. Everything has its time but there are also great moments of loss, having. now lost both parents. I do feel like a senior orphan at times and only time can ease the pain. I already know it will never fully go away, as it never did with Dad. For that I just feel too deeply and my heart is wide open. Thank you my sister. ❤️

      Liked by 2 people

  3. Dear Rhapsody, I’m sorry for the loss of your mother, but good for her not to suffer any longer. You knew this time, that it was now or in near future. No matter how you would manage, you were not able to stay there and take fully care of her in same time. You did also need to think about your own health and life.
    You have done everything possible for your mother and you had the 10 months together with her, as will live forever in your soul. Your mother bring those memories too.
    Send you huge hugs, love and healing ❤ ❤ ❤

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you very much Irene. Yes I knew and still one can never truly prepare and what remains is a feeling of sadness and loss. Everything is as it was suppose to be and she is no longer in the place she didn’t want to be and is no longer suffering. Sometimes it still feels like an awful dream and I can hardly believe she is truly gone. ❤️❤️❤️

      Liked by 1 person

  4. My heart goes out to you Rhapsody, it leaves such a hollow feeling to lose someone so close. Those connections are built on years of adventure, smiles, sharing and most of all, those cuddles and hugs always waiting each time you meet. Just remember those connections are never lost, they will always be there because they never end ❤️
    Huge hug my friend, may its energy comfort the ache within ❤️

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you my dear friend. This was a reason as to why I went, besides being there for her. I wanted to have no regrets and I needed to answer the call. It was the right thing to do and I was never selfish about it. It is the very thing that helps me now.

      Liked by 2 people

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