Posted in Life, Mom

Don’t delay

Going through some old things, I found an old picture of Mom and me. It was taken during a visit to Germany and a I can tell it’s taken in her house, in the kitchen. She looks genuinely happy in this picture, with a natural, non forced smile. Few pictures like this exist prior to last year as I was there for ten month. It was almost as if she learned to live again, to enjoy basic and simple things in life and when she allowed me to take more pictures of her.

I immediately set the picture aside thinking of sharing it with her the next time we FaceTime. The last time we talked was on Sunday, except that I forgot to show her and realized it after we disconnected. “No big deal” I thought since we were going to talk the very next day again. Monday morning came but instead of talking to Mom, I woke up to a message from Germany saying that Mom would be hospitalized the same day. She has gained 15 kilos since April which appears to be all water weight. I don’t know anything else yet but I imagine the additional water in her body is causing problems with her organs etc. I am almost afraid to ask and my fingers are crossed tightly for her and for a speedy recovery. I couldn’t tell anything from talking to her the day before. She always keeps everything perfectly hidden or blows it off. “What are you going to do anyways so far away” she has responded when I confronted her, and often I think she simply doesn’t understand the seriousness of things. Perhaps she is living in a world of ignorant bliss where it’s just simpler and safer not to know. I often thought of it as a protection mechanism that kicked in after the early death of my father. I once read something about it and there is an actual medical term for it. It’s like our soul is choosing to cut certain painful things out of our life’s in order to protect ourselves from the things we might struggle to overcome.

Needless to say, I never got to talk to her and I never got to show her that picture. It made me sad, really, and like so many things happening in my life these days it made me think. How something so simple and seemingly little can turn into future regrets and missed opportunities. Some of which we may never get another chance to play out or repeat. It made me sad for her, having to face the hospital again, and having to do it alone. She has been in and out of the hospital so much over the past two years. I am not sure if there can be a time when I don’t feel sad and where my heart won’t ache for her. It is a battle that holds me within its grip, never fully allowing me to live my own life. I know what I have done for her, what sacrifices I have brought to the table and what challenges I have faced. And somehow I still can’t look at it and say that I’ve done everything I could.

For me one thing is for sure today, and that is to not delay anything if we can help it. We might never get another chance. Pick up that phone and call today, don’t wait, make it count and ask yourself if you could live with yourself if another chance never came. I know it’s not easy and often we don’t even realize the impact. But maybe we can try to be just a little bit more aware and make that conscious effort. May you never know the regrets of a missed opportunity and may peace be with you always. ❤️🦋

Author:

We are the co-creators of our life and the time is now. More than ever are we needed to support Mother Earth and each other. Together we discover and explore our unique gifts in times of strengths, in times we lean on each other, and in times when we learn from each other. This blog started as an outlet and what I ultimately called my “Warriors Journey.” It was a way to document the ups and downs of my life, sharing my hardships as well as my successes. It showcased the struggles, but more important the ways of how to overcome them. Although we are warriors each and every day, I realized that having to be a warrior, comes from a place of pain. I decided to rename this blog, and “Phoenix Rising” now stands for the story of overcoming such a painful place. My motivation for this blog hasn’t changed and I hope to share inspiration and hope, to create a sense of belonging, a space of being heard, and connecting with like minded beings who instill a sense of oneness. We are never alone, and we are unstoppable in the pursuit of what sets our soul on fire. Who I am in a nutshell... 
I am an energy healer and Reiki Master. I am surviving a chronic disease that I’ve sent into remission three times since my initial bout, 15 years ago. I continuously challenge the status quo and by doing so I change my stars. I am a believer that anything is possible. I am a hopeless romantic and I believe that true love exists on various levels. I am an optimist that will always see the glass as half full. I am a dreamer, believing in endless possibilities. Not even the sky is the limit. I have jumped off of the hamster wheel, and I am writing a new chapter. I am chasing my Nirvana to support my most authentic self. This is my story, I am that Phoenix and I am rising from the ashes. Namaste 🙏🏼💙🦋

10 thoughts on “Don’t delay

  1. Huge hugs! Praying for you and your Mom.
    For years I wanted to have one of those photo blankets made for my Mom. I put it off for too long. When I had finally bought it…it was too late. Don’t delay. Wise words.
    More hugs! ♥♥

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much, it truly means a lot. I am so sorry about your blanket coming around to be too late. It is hard to live with things like that at times, not wishing “what if” or “only if I had”.
      I am sure your Mom knew how much you loved her and those things have happened to us all. Fact is you are a wonderful daughter and your Mom always knew it. Big big hugs.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you for your lovely words. I know that I am very lucky as my Mom and I were best friends. I miss her terribly but I hold on to the memories. When I need a Mom hug I wrap that blanket around me. ♥♥
        Big hugs.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Awe you are so welcome dear friend. You had such a wonderful relationship with your Mom and both of you were lucky to have each other. She is always with you as you know and she has so many reasons to be proud of you. Hugs ❤️

        Liked by 1 person

    1. You’re the best…thank you Irene. Hope you are alright and hanging in there. Periodically I check your site to see if you’ve been up to posting anything. We are for you, so take your time. Lots of love.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Those things do teach a lot, bits that ask us of ourselves…do we have meaning, to us, let alone those others around us. And it isn’t an easy thing to face, but as you said, do it now or later may not come.
    I do hope that all is ok and she has a speedy recovery 💜 🙏🏼

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you very much Mark. I appreciate your input and feedback. Sometimes we only learn through the tough lessons, but luckily this time wasn’t one for me and I was able to show her the picture the other day. She is still in the hospital and complained about troubles breathing. I’m sure it is the additional water in her body. Believing in the good and that everything will be ok.

      Liked by 1 person

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