Posted in Backpacking, Mother nature

Chronic Pain

This picture was taken a few years back at another favorite spot where the marmots run wild and whistle to signal you are near. I will never forget backpacking and camping at this beautiful spot under a starry night and a full moon. It was light enough for the mountain to reflect in the lake as the glow of the moon was casting it’s soft subdued light everywhere.

I love to hike and I have seen some pretty amazing spots over the years with some help. Fact is I am dealing with chronic pain, rheumatoid arthritis that can cause joint damage and erosion. It’s always a struggle to hike these days and most days I say a little prayer to say safe out there. For my joints to hold up, for my ankles not to buckle and the strengths to manage the often rocky terrain. It’s painful, always, and it’s only the pain levels that vary. On a mild day more tolerable and manageable, making you feel alive with a actual quality of life, and on bad days crippling and debilitating where the simplest of tasks become a challenge. In addition to the pain, the second worse thing is the fatigue, being tired all the time, having to force yourself to move, to be active, to live a normal life. Everything takes effort on top of the pain and I have listened to my body to let it rest, to observe the signs, to be gentle and not push too hard, and at the same time push myself when I feel I can to get my strength back in order of being able to face daily life. It’s a struggle and no two days are equal.

We’ve waited so long for warmer temperatures and the humidity to lower, which have finally arrived, actually weeks ago and all June has been nice. The pain though hasn’t vanished and I am still struggling. The other day we talked about this potentially being my new reality and my way of how life is for me going forward. I struggled even more, and couldn’t accept that to be my truth. In a way it would feel like giving up, surrendering to it, giving into the fight, and it didn’t feel right. Not just yet, and while I believe that this is valuable, sometimes, that we have to pick our battles and go with the flow, I also believe that certain things are worth fighting for and this is one such a thing. You see I have been here before, not for this long as it has been now, and not as bad as it has been now, but I have been here and have witnessed it all go into remission, giving me years without pain. I have to believe that this is also a possibility and could be my truths. So perhaps the chances are 50/50 and this dreamer believes in miracles.


Who am I, and why I write. I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one. I am the one, holding on to the silver lining when the skies are gray. I’m a believer that nothing is coincidence, but that everything has purpose. I’ve made my mistakes, don’t we all, but I see them as growing pains and they are a part of who I am today. I have lost myself in order to find myself, and I still do from time to time, but in a good way. I’m a big child who laughs until my belly hurts when life wants to be serious. Career wise: I’ve been there, done that, and I took “The jump” off the hamster wheel in an effort to change my future. I didn’t land all that soft, but I can say that I’m still proud to have found the courage to do it. Coming full circle, I had it all, and yet I was lonely and had nothing. Today I choose to be a collector of moments and I chase memories, instead of the material stuff. Less is more, and the motto is quality over quantity. You’d be amazed at how freeing it can be. I see myself as a free spirit that believes in an unconventional lifestyle. Somehow I go against the grain most of the times, not to rebel, but because it feels right to stay true to my unique and authentic self. It takes courage, and you often stand alone, but if you dare, you soon realize that it is the only way if you don’t want to lose who you are. Just like most, my past wasn’t easy and I come from a life that didn’t always give me the opportunity to be heard. Few related and even fewer cared to take the time. But that’s the past and it’s history, the future hasn’t happened and the “NOW” is truly all we ever have. In the end we all have a story to tell, and we all seek to be understood. We all yearn to be heard and accepted and still life is hard and our path is full of stumbling blocks. If we can see the lessons in adversity we may realize that the toughest moments are often our greatest teachers. There is a reason for the saying that the stars can’t shine without darkness, and it might be darkness that will show you the light.
It took a series of (un)fortunate events, to learn to glow through the pain, to learn how to dance in the rain. I believe in Magic and wonder, and the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. As an empath this old soul often feels a little too much, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Today, I am here to tell my story because I believe that it can help others. It is my hope to bring inspiration and strengths to you, while showing you that it can be done. I know you are out there, and I know you are suffering in silence. I am here to tell you that you are not alone, and your voice is being heard loud and clear. Hang on and be strong, transformation is yours. 
In light and love....Rhapsody Bohème 💙🦋

18 thoughts on “Chronic Pain

  1. It is a very debilitating situation dear lady, and as you have said, to such a degree that even doing something simple turns into a nightmare.
    I am in the early stages of it and the only thing that seems to affect it is diet. So out went sugar, chocolate, alcohol, did I mention chocolate 😀, and a million other things.
    That does look like a beautiful place, and it is when we are in this space we feel so much more connected than when our bodies are constantly screaming at us. Giving you a little rest at least among the mayhem.
    May your remission drive a Lamborghini and visit soon 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Your comment is bittersweet and stirs on my emotions. You made me smile and feel sad at the same time being diagnosed with this mean, unforgiving disease at well. I may have some hope here soon and be sure to keep you in mind through sharing the info. I believe people come into our lives for a reason and maybe this is why our paths have crossed. Besides giving up chocolate simply sucks 😉
      Make sure to get balance into your life because stress is no friend of yours with this disease. And if that Lamborghini shows up, be sure I’ll come to pick you up. 😉 Thanks my friend.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Beautiful place both for hiking and relaxing Rhapsody.
    Have you tried CBD oil against your pain? It is working good for me, so I don’t need so many other painkillers, when mine flaw up her.
    Send you healing and best wishes ❤

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Good to hear, that you find a way too without so many chemicals. I have used the CBD oil in some months now and it is working well. I don’t intake this together with turmeric, this I use in the food together with ginger and ground cumin to fight the inflammation.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. That should be fine as well and is something I have to increase. Inflammation is a constant fight and I am currently working on finding my food triggers. Much love and light to you. Be well.

        Liked by 1 person

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