Posted in Life, Mom

I wish you enough…

I came across a little article titled “I wish you enough”, that spoke to me on many different levels. It stirred back emotions, worries and fears, especially today, after a not so good conversation with Mom. I know there will be “those” from time to time, and I know that it is her own fear that is driving her behavior at times.

I wish you enough reminded me of saying goodbye to Mom the last two times I have been to Germany. Once she was in the hospital, sick, and the last time I left her behind safe, but in a place she doesn’t care to be. Although there have been many goodbyes over the course of nearly thirty years away, it is those last two that are burned into my memory. Easily some of the content of this article could be applied to those times, never knowing if it would be our very last goodbye. I can tell you that it weighs very heavy on you, and it will taint your soul with worry and fear.

Perhaps in our case the roles are reversed and it is me who is the one to say I wish you enough. Perhaps it is both of us and I know you care in your own way. You just can’t express love, because it was love and being vulnerable that has hurt you and broke your heart. Regardless of the reason and whether you say it or not, I already know, don’t worry. But today it is me to say to you “I wish you enough”….

I overheard a mother and daughter in their last moments together at the airport as the daughters departure had been announced. Standing near the security gate, they hugged and the mother said “I love you and I wish you enough”. The daughter replied “Mom our life together has been more than enough”. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough too Mom. They kissed and the daughter left. The mother walked over to the window where I sat.

Standing there, I could see she wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on her privacy but she welcomed me in by asking “Did you ever say goodbye to someone knowing it would be forever?” “Yes I have,” I replied. “Forgive me for asking but why is this a forever goodbye?”

“I am old and she lives so far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is the next trip back will be for my funeral”, she said. When you were saying goodbye I heard you say “I wish you enough”. May I ask what that means? She began to smile. “That’s a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone.”

She paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail and she smiled even more. “When we said “I wish you enough” we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them. Then turning toward me she shared the following, reciting it from memory-

“I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright. I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more. I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive. I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger. I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting. I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess. I wish you enough hello’s to get you through the final goodbye.” She then began to cry and walked away.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person. An hour to appreciate them. A day to love them. And an entire life to forget them.

You are not forgotten and I wish you enough….

Posted in Dreams, Inspiration, My story

“Maybe”

There have been a lot of “maybe’s” lately. Things and thoughts that occupy my mind, begging me to consider different angels, and out of the box thinking approach. What’s really next, where do I go from here?

Maybe soon my health will be under control, and warmer weather with less storm patterns will bring improvements, and less pain. Maybe I can actually get some stuff done then.

Maybe I won’t feel so tired and fatigued. Maybe I could read more blogs and respond to comments in a more timely fashion. I definitely owe it to you. Maybe I could do more for all of you. Maybe…

I don’t work, and yet getting healthy and well has been hard work. Draining, especially when a good night sleep is scarce and interrupted by pain that never stops. It surely is trying sometimes, and the tears fall trying to understand the lesson or what is going on. Maybe better times are around the corner.

Maybe I need to step away from blogging on a regular / daily basis for awhile. It feels strange to consider such thought and yet today was the first time it popped into my head. I think it was actually a message I got the other day that prompted me to consider where I currently spend my time, energy, and strength on. All I know is that I can’t do it all and there is simply not enough time in the day for me.

Maybe my hands could get better, typing less, looking after my fingers. Maybe…But then maybe movement is exactly what they need. Who knows what will actually make the inflammation go away.

I have been job hunting, but nothing has really grabbed me, or has been meant to be. Yet I have tons of creative ideas with old and new found projects that I want to explore, and to which I feel drawn to. Things I am excited about, things that beckon me to imagine and manifest the life I seek. Things that call on me to be realized, dreams to materialize, if only I find the courage to dare.

Maybe, this ordinary job search is not how the path is suppose to unfold. Will I manage and muster the strength to reach for the stars, to create something extraordinary, to have faith during the unknown, to stay the course, or will I do the same as always and find myself lost in the shuffle. You see, if we do the same as always, we also get the same results as always, and somehow these results are no longer enough for me.

It’s not about the six figure income, the money, the titles or the prestige, to be the best in your field, the success or being the head honcho. I had it all and it’s not what I want anymore. What it boils down to is to be fulfilled, to have something meaningful, something that brings joy, no matter how little or small it might be. I don’t want the same….I want something else, something I perhaps never had before. I gladly give up my possessions to become richer as I fully embrace the less is more concept. I want to work for myself, I want to create and give back, to help people and bring something special to the table, something unique, something that allows my passion and talents take flight, to offer a service, to finally listen to the call.

In the meantime I am exploring my options, and I am working on some projects to support these dreams. The goal is to die young and as late as possible, with a life, independent, collecting moments and memories in a tiny home on wheels. Let’s see how far this can go. A determined mind is a powerful one, and I have always believed in the strength that we can do anything if we put our mind to it.

A dear friend and sister of mine always says that there are no ordinary moments. I believe she is right and everything happens for a reason. Maybe the path has always been predetermined, maybe we just need to learn to let go and go with the flow. What if everything in life has lead up to this point? Maybe, just maybe everything is exactly how it is meant to be.

Maybe the journey isn’t so much about becoming anything.

Maybe it’s about unbecoming everything that isn’t you, so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place.

What a wild ride….maybe….just maybe….

Posted in Adventure, Hiking

Chasing Waterfalls

What a refreshing difference. With this being the toughest winter in years, it was a welcomed change to escape the feet-high snow pack’s of the Sierra to head for a warmer, greener destination.

I managed my highest step goal yet, since Germany and got to walk barefoot in the sand on the banks of the Yuba River.

Ahh – Bliss

Posted in Inspiration

The sky is the limit

A little reminder came to me this morning, while looking at this picture from a few days ago. The words poured out of me with a message to be written down, a mantra to be remembered, perhaps to motivate and guide my way. I thought it could fit so many of us and therefore decided to share it here. Perhaps, you too can get a little something out of this message and it carries you through your day.

Stay strong and grounded through all of your storms. Hold on tight. Find something good in all your seasons. Branch out and don’t be afraid to try new things. Stand alone and without shelter if you have to. You can do it and you are stronger than you think. You might feel alone, but to someone else you are deeply rooted and a role model. Don’t forget to be flexible and sway with the wind. Only then can you reach for new heights without breaking from the weight. Forgive the harsh elements and shine your beauty regardless, to see another day. Keep growing and never stop learning. And above all, always remember to reach for the stars. Throw doubt and caution to the wind and dare to dream big. You only live once and they say if you do it right, it is enough. Always remember that anything is possible, that its never too late, and that the sky is the limit.

❤️🦋

Posted in Inspiration, Life, Motivation,

The Mountain

If the mountain seems too big today then climb a hill instead.

If the morning brings you sadness it’s OK to stay in bed.

If the day ahead weighs heavy and your plans feel like a curse, there’s no shame in rearranging, don’t make yourself feel worse.

If a shower stings like needles and a bath feels like you’ll drown, if you haven’t washed your hair for days, don’t throw away your crown.

A day is not a lifetime a rest is not defeat, don’t think of it as failure, just a quiet, kind retreat.

It’s OK to take a moment from an anxious, fractured mind, the world will not stop turning while you get realigned.

The mountain will still be there when you want to try again, you can climb it in your own time, just love yourself till then.

~Laura Ding-Edwards

Posted in Mother nature, Wildlife

Wild Horses of Nevada

Got lucky, getting within a few feet of these wild beauties that didn’t seem to mind me one bit. There is no zoom and this was the actual distance between me and a herd of wild horses. I would say there was about ten with several foals, which made it even more unusual being allowed so close. But on the other hand, coming to think of, animals do have a special relationship with me as if picking up the energy that I pose no threat.

What a beautiful experience today seeing those majestic beauties, so tough and resilient, grazing in the rain during yet another storm, rolling around in the dirt and playing, charging at each other in a friendly game, across the pasture.

Posted in Celebration, Empowerment, Women

International Women’s Day

Happy international Women’s Day, gorgeous. It’s official to recognize and honor each other on this day known to give celebration for women.

Secretly I hope we do it much more often, as often as possible, every day. I just recently wrote a post about the power of lifting each other, if you care to take a peak.

What I like to point out on this special day of celebration is our individual beauty. The essence of a woman. When I speak about the essence of a woman – her beauty – I don’t mean “the perfect figure”. I don’t mean the beauty that society instills in us through a picture such as the perfect image. We lived so long under the pressure to be beautiful.

When I think about the essence of a woman, I think about the beauty of her soul. A beauty that grows over the years and becomes even more grant, kind and glorious with age. Our true beauty flows from the inside out.

Beauty is what the world longs to experience from a woman. We know that – somewhere down deep, we know it to be true. Most of our shame comes from knowing this and feeling that we have failed to portray such perfect “society image”. We fail to see that beauty is an essence that dwells in every woman.

Beauty lies in each and every one of us. Beauty may be the most powerful thing on earth. Beauty speaks, it invites, it gives you wings and confidence, beauty nourishes and beauty comforts. Beauty inspires us, beauty is transcendent.

A woman in her glory is a woman of beauty. She is not striving to become beautiful, worthy or enough. She already is, and she only needs to believe in it by seeing all the magic she holds within. A woman of true beauty is a woman who in the depths of her soul is at rest. She exudes a sense of calm, a sense of rest, inviting those around her to rest as well. She speaks comfort that all is well, that all will be well. A woman of true beauty offers others the grace to be and to become. One can release the tight sigh that so often grips our hearts, and breathe in the comfort of her presence.

Today and always, I celebrate all of you beautiful souls, shining your light and beauty every day by making a difference in my life as well as the life’s of so many others. Thank you. ❤️🦋

Posted in Celebration, Family

Happy Birthday Emily

Last year I got to celebrate this special day with my niece Emily (bottom left) while being in Germany. It is always during those special events that I reminisce and miss home just a little more. I know the celebration will be special and another year will have passed. Funny how when we are jung time seems to move so slowly, letting us believe that we have all the time in the world, and then before we know it, time races and some of us may even stop celebrating all together. We really shouldn’t, and just like in those younger days, we should celebrate and be grateful to yet add another year to our human clocks. It is a privilege denied to many.

Happy Birthday Emily. May all your wishes and dreams come true. Love you 😍

Posted in Inspiration, Oracle Cards, Spirituality

Postcards from Spirit

It was time again to see what the cards had in store for me. This time my inspiration came from an oracle card deck by Colette Baron-Reid, called “Postcards from spirit”. It wasn’t long until a card jumped out, which I actually bypassed the first go around shuffling the cards. As the card appeared a second time, it was a for sure sign that this was meant to be my card.

Besides the the actual message, (below) I noticed there was also a little hidden message on the front of the card, urging me to “Celebrate Life”.

The message:

Dearest wonderful you,

To help you manifest a life for the highest good, we invite you to examine your deepest desires. Imagine all your desires, no matter what kind, like magic seed pods in a basket, glowing with infinite potential. Look closely at each one. Are you afraid that some may bring you too much attention and invite negative reactions from others? Is change too daunting? Or are you afraid to stretch and grow? Let yourself be led forward and let the seats of positive intention take to the wind.

Your desires count and you are worthy of them. They are essential for co – creating your world. Did you ever consider that when I desire comes from deep within you, it might be spirit moving you to create something beautiful to share with others? Some desires are infused with miraculous powers to move the heart and influence the world in ways you can’t possibly know.

We know you and love you so deeply and are so happy to support you!