Posted in Chronic illness, Journey

Salvation Prayer

I constantly try to make sense of events in my life, and I always search for the silver lining. No matter how dreadful things get, how gloomy and hopeless a situation appears, there is always a reason, always something to be learned.

Recently I went to a job interview and felt really good about it, despite of not meeting the preferred criteria of speaking Spanish. We chatted for 45 minutes and were in contact for four days after the interview, all the way up to the day a decision was to be made. From there on out, I didn’t hear anything back and decided to email after a few days. Nothing, and nearly a week later the silence has been my answer. I found it really strange, and never in a million years would I have anticipated that outcome. So what does this have to do with a salvation prayer?

  • I took it as a sign that “this”, another job and perhaps getting lost in the shuffle of things was not what I am suppose to do. Instead I am daring to dream big and have decided to pursue my photography, my paintings, writings and other crafts. It started with a “nice” idea, a hope and a dream, and it wasn’t until the other day and a serious kick in the teeth that I became serious about it. I don’t have it all figured out yet, and don’t have to prove anything to anyone, accept myself, but it brings me great purpose and a meaning that reminds me of the beginning and the onset of my chronic illness.
  • About thirteen years ago I was in a similar situation as the RA made its debut. It was not as bad as it has been currently, but nevertheless it was bad enough. Perhaps even scarier because I was new to all of it. I remember it being just as painful, but the overall battle seemed shorter or perhaps I was stronger back then. I don’t know.
  • It was back then that I was introduced to hiking and our beautiful outdoors we call Mother Nature. I found purpose and meaning, a motivation and hunger for more. I combined my hobbies such as my photography, and learned to be still. To listen to what really mattered, to go against the grain and to chase my nirvana. It was as if I started to live again, and guess what – the RA eventually went into remission and I experienced many years after that were pain free.
  • All of this came back to me the other day and another “maybe” introduced itself. Maybe this was all a part of the universes plan for me. Maybe it was time to find that motivation, purpose and meaning once again to offset the stresses. I remembered some of my coworkers always thinking that I wasted my talents working an ordinary job and that I should pursue my gifts. Could it be that this is my now, that time? Was the RA literally forcing me to my luck, and was this my silver lining amongst the chaos? Did everything had meaning in the process, even the silence from the employer who left me hanging? I think so and there are no ordinary moments, are there?
  • Quickly thoughts turned into ideas, into goals and dreams, into motivation, and if there was ever a time to go for it, to let it stand for more than just a dream and die trying, then this is would be that time. It was that day that I came across the salvation prayer and it became my answer. This could be very well be my savior and what could send the RA into remission once more. I have to believe it to be so as this current stage of my being cannot be my truths. It happened before, and it can happen again. Faith and love, my two swords will carry me through.
  • Salvation prayer (for all who read this)
  • “I put this healing in your hands, Raphael. I give you my trust, my love and my attention to your strength. Heal this person with your light and give him/her clarity for their future path. Thank you for your help and grace to share your divine strength with us.
  • Blessed be the kingdom of angels.
  • Blessed be the divine helpers.
  • We are one with you and your healing. This is how healing happens and divine energies flow.
  • We bow in front of you in love and gratitude.”
  • All love flows from heart to heart
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    Author:

    Who am I, and why I write. I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one. I am the one, holding on to the silver lining when the skies are gray. I’m a believer that nothing is coincidence, but that everything has purpose. I’ve made my mistakes, don’t we all, but I see them as growing pains and they are a part of who I am today. I have lost myself in order to find myself, and I still do from time to time, but in a good way. I’m a big child who laughs until my belly hurts when life wants to be serious. Career wise: I’ve been there, done that, and I took “The jump” off the hamster wheel in an effort to change my future. I didn’t land all that soft, but I can say that I’m still proud to have found the courage to do it. Coming full circle, I had it all, and yet I was lonely and had nothing. Today I choose to be a collector of moments and I chase memories, instead of the material stuff. Less is more, and the motto is quality over quantity. You’d be amazed at how freeing it can be. I see myself as a free spirit that believes in an unconventional lifestyle. Somehow I go against the grain most of the times, not to rebel, but because it feels right to stay true to my unique and authentic self. It takes courage, and you often stand alone, but if you dare, you soon realize that it is the only way if you don’t want to lose who you are. Just like most, my past wasn’t easy and I come from a life that didn’t always give me the opportunity to be heard. Few related and even fewer cared to take the time. But that’s the past and it’s history, the future hasn’t happened and the “NOW” is truly all we ever have. In the end we all have a story to tell, and we all seek to be understood. We all yearn to be heard and accepted and still life is hard and our path is full of stumbling blocks. If we can see the lessons in adversity we may realize that the toughest moments are often our greatest teachers. There is a reason for the saying that the stars can’t shine without darkness, and it might be darkness that will show you the light.
It took a series of (un)fortunate events, to learn to glow through the pain, to learn how to dance in the rain. I believe in Magic and wonder, and the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. As an empath this old soul often feels a little too much, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Today, I am here to tell my story because I believe that it can help others. It is my hope to bring inspiration and strengths to you, while showing you that it can be done. I know you are out there, and I know you are suffering in silence. I am here to tell you that you are not alone, and your voice is being heard loud and clear. Hang on and be strong, transformation is yours. 
In light and love....Rhapsody Bohème 💙🦋

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