Posted in Life, Mom

The blues

Lake Tahoe…simply gorgeous and a place that never gets old. As time is winding down, everything is bittersweet. There are people, things and places I will always miss, regardless if I am in the states or in Germany. Such one place is Lake Tahoe and the serene beauty of the lake and sierras.

This year has been a year of great progress and no matter how hard, often disappointing, and challenging, I wouldn’t change a thing. I have given it all, and nothing was held back. I am at peace with what I achieved and I know Mom and I have never been closer. There are challenges and just the other day she said unimaginable things again. Those are very hard to hear at times, but I know they are driven by fear and she knows that I am the only who can or would take her out of what she consider hell, the nursing home. I am asking her to be patient and to trust in me. Something she struggles with at times while it’s costing her a pretty penny each month to do so, and while her hands are tied.

I don’t have the answers for the future, but this has never felt right, and I always said that I can’t envision the story to end like this. Who knows, maybe I will in the future and think that she belongs in the senior home, maybe I’m not. Either way I will always fight for her and her happiness.

This is my last week here and my time on the blog will be limited. I will post but most likely just photographs with brief descriptions to maximize my time with Mom. Please bare with me during this tough transition.


We are the co-creators of our life and the time is now. More than ever are we needed to support Mother Earth and each other. Together we discover and explore our unique gifts in times of strengths, in times we lean on each other, and in times when we learn from each other. This blog started as an outlet and what I ultimately called my “Warriors Journey.” It was a way to document the ups and downs of my life, sharing my hardships as well as my successes. It showcased the struggles, but more important the ways of how to overcome them. Although we are warriors each and every day, I realized that having to be a warrior, comes from a place of pain. I decided to rename this blog, and “Phoenix Rising” now stands for the story of overcoming such a painful place. My motivation for this blog hasn’t changed and I hope to share inspiration and hope, to create a sense of belonging, a space of being heard, and connecting with like minded beings who instill a sense of oneness. We are never alone, and we are unstoppable in the pursuit of what sets our soul on fire. Who I am in a nutshell... 
I am an energy healer and Reiki Master. I am surviving a chronic disease that I’ve sent into remission three times since my initial bout, 15 years ago. I continuously challenge the status quo and by doing so I change my stars. I am a believer that anything is possible. I am a hopeless romantic and I believe that true love exists on various levels. I am an optimist that will always see the glass as half full. I am a dreamer, believing in endless possibilities. Not even the sky is the limit. I have jumped off of the hamster wheel, and I am writing a new chapter. I am chasing my Nirvana to support my most authentic self. This is my story, I am that Phoenix and I am rising from the ashes. Namaste 🙏🏼💙🦋

22 thoughts on “The blues

  1. The bitter-sweet irony is, as you face accusations about keeping your beloved mother in the ‘hell’ of the nursing home, you are struggling to do everything within your power to remove her from an even worse and more ‘real’ hell, the one created by her fears. Deep down, she knows what you are really doing for her, but not on the surface, not that she can name and talk about. There is no more precious thing that a daughter can do for her mother than what you are doing. And it’s working, she stays in the fear less and less, transforms to love and light sooner and easier than she used to do. Imagine how much more troubling such a time as this would have been for her without all the magic you have been weaving all along. Nobody saw there was a need but you. Nobody stepped forward to help your mother but you. Nobody believed she could do it but you. She is showing you, she can, she really can. Every bit of love you ignite in her heart will blaze away more of her fear, every drop is invaluable. There is nobody like you, you are one of a kind, a special, beautiful heart of love, an angel living on Earth.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I can’t even imagine what it would have been like. I might have done a lot weaving the magic here and there, but in the end none of it would have been possible if she didn’t allow me to do so.
      As always you shower me with your kindness and words that I feel sometimes as if they are written for someone else. They are so beautiful. Thank you my love. Xo

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Not yet able to appreciate my true opinion of you? My opinion is stellar and I am certain sure my bias is sound, based on all I see, hear and feel. xxx

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Oh I do appreciate them more than you know perhaps. I am very grateful but also very humble. You know me more than most my sister, although we have never met. Our souls connected a million years ago. Xo

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Then I must be right and you might as well accept the truth of it, even though you are so humble. it’s not a judgement, it’s just truth, nothing to be humble about, my dear sister. xx

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Take Care of You Rhapsody. Your Mom is alive because of you. Nothing to have recriminatory thoughts about.
    Be well, have a good few days before you return home (yes you need to go home) and wishing you a peaceful journey and good Christmas despite the challenges. 🌲🎀💝💕

    Liked by 2 people

  3. You have gone through a lot this year. Every incident made you stronger, and now you are very strong. Bet you don’t even know how strong you are. Keep moving forward. Be continually brave always. xoxo

    Liked by 3 people

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