Posted in Chronic illness, Health

Terrible-Terrific-Tuesday

It was Tuesday and the day for my follow up in regards to my blood work. I really hadn’t thought much of it since that miraculous last Friday when all of a sudden I seemed to be healed almost instantly. Of course I wasn’t, but the pain was gone, and so were the troubling thoughts that had accompanied me through the pain. The painful reminders disappeared and life was good. Couldn’t it have stayed like this forever!!!

It was just before noon as I arrived at the doctors office and took a seat in the waiting room. It was a first in a long time that I rode the bicycle, and that I decided to get my exercise this way for the day. I would ride it to see Mom after I got done, and later ride it back home. It would be a workout, but I felt courageous and motivated, I was on a mission to a healthier life. The deciding factor was that I felt good enough to execute it, and God only knows that this wasn’t the first time that I attempted this mission. Many times before pain crippled me into stopping, and although I knew this, somehow I felt as if I had a chance, that this time was going to be different. You could call it being naive and gullible, I call it being hopeful and positive. Perhaps I was believing and hoping for another miracle.

It wasn’t long until the silence caught up with me in that little waiting room and I began to wonder. It became crystal clear, that the pain was subdued, but that didn’t mean by a long shot that all my troubles were over. What if something showed up within the blood-work? For sure there had to be something that caused me to hurt this badly. I’m not sure at what point it was that I considered additional things besides the RA to be the culprit. Was it perhaps the big C word that had shown up. Was I terminally ill and just didn’t know it yet! Through the years I’ve had visions about it. Im not sure why, but perhaps for the same way Dad always knew that he would die young. He couldn’t tell where and how he knew this from, he just knew. Was this going to be one of those conversations that started something like “I am terribly sorry…..but…”?

The past weeks and month caught up with me. All the thoughts about death that I had, not necessarily in regards to my own or Mom’s, but for some reason death would always find a way back into my mind. Not because I was afraid of it, but I think in a way it was fear, fear of running out of time, of not finishing my mission, my life’s work. And what about “Black Eyes”, a vision of myself I had seen walk past me with blacked out eyes? Were these all messages I didn’t really care to see, did I put them out of sight subconsciously because I wasn’t ready to deal with them? I knew that in a way I did, because I didn’t want to put these thoughts out into the universe and manifest my truths. Before I could do anymore damage, I remembered that thought and became aware of what my mind was doing to me. It was leading me down to The Valley of Loss, the swamps of torture and the inclines of misery. I focused my thoughts and silently said a little invocation that I was going to be ok. In my mind I spoke it out and stated my intentions, finishing it with “So mote it be”. Nothing bad was going to happen to me. Shortly after the door opened and I got called into the examining room. The doctor entered shortly after and said my labs weren’t “ALL” that terribly bad. What did that mean? Was there good news with the bad news? Which one would I like to hear first? And here I went again and the ego of my mind tried to get the upper hand once more. He asked if I knew about allergies and what I was allergic to. Besides Soy, Wheat and Peanuts I had no clue. My blood work revealed that three things were off the chart for me.

Allergies…normal range is between 0.00-100.00 mine was at 611

Inflammation…normal range is between 0.00-5.00 mine was at 8.4

Triglyceride…normal range is between 0.00-149 mine was at 306

The last one I’m least worried about and with a healthier diet, mainly vegetarian, lots of water and a few other things, this should impact pretty quickly.

The allergies are six times the normal acceptable count and I have no idea. I guess I would have to do an allergy test at some point to find out. Strange thing is that I have no symptoms. No scratchy throat, no itchy eyes, no nothing. I would imagine that the high allergy count is impacting the inflammation in my body. So allergies seems to be my number one battle to tackle at the moment but I can’t do the testing without insurance right now. So instead I’m hoping that a change occurs through changing my eating habits. I’m not sure how I’m going to measure my success since I don’t have any allergy symptoms. Perhaps the only way I could know is in the amount of pain from the inflammation, perhaps the disease will go into remission and my body is calming down again.

I can tell the shot is wearing off and although my fingers are not swollen yet and I have full functions of making a fist etc, there has been more pain over the last two nights. It’s painful to turn around after I become still. Joints are stiffening again and it’s frightening. I’m trying to keep loose through movement during the day, diet, and hope that the pills can carry me over long enough to make a difference. But at night when all is still it’s a different story. I’m keeping hopeful ♥️

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Author:

Who am I, and why I write. I’m a dreamer and I’m not the only one. I am the one holding on to the silver lining when the skies are gray. I’m a believer that nothing is coincidence, but has purpose. I’ve made mistakes, and I see them as a part of who I am today. I have lost myself in order to find myself, and I still do from time to time. In a good way. I’m a big child who laughs until my belly hurts when life wants to be serious. Career wise: I’ve been there, done that, and I took “The jump” off of the hamster wheel to change my future. I didn’t land all that softly, but I still did it. Coming full circle, I had it all, and yet I was lonely and had nothing. Today I choose to be a collector of memories and I chase moments, instead of martial stuff. Less is more, and I prefer quality over quantity. You’d be amazed at how freeing it can be. Talking about free, I see myself as a free spirit that believes in an unconventional lifestyle. I find myself going against the grain most of the times, not to rebel, but because it feels right to stay true to my unique and authentic self. It takes courage, and you often stand alone, but if you find a way, you soon realize that it is the only way to not lose who you are.
My past wasn’t easy and I come from a life that didn’t always give me the opportunity to be heard. Few related and even fewer cared to take the time. But now I believe that the past is history, the future hasn’t happened and the “NOW” is truly all we ever have. In the end I realize that we all have a story to tell, and we all seek to be understood. We all yearn to be heard, to be accepted, and to find our spot in life. We try hard to fit in, some to the point of acting out of character, playing by the rules of what we think society expects of us. Until we wake one day, feeling empty and lost, with our life passing right in front of us. It’s never too late to change your stars, and it was my toughest moments, who turned out to be my greatest teachers.
They say that the stars can’t shine without darkness, and it was darkness who has shown me the light.
It took a series of (un)fortunate events, to learn to glow through the pain, to learn how to dance in the rain. I believe in Magic and wonder, and the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. As an empath this old soul often feels a little too much, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Today, I am here to tell my story because I believe that it can help others. It is my hope to bring inspiration and strengths to you, while showing you that it can be done. I know you are out there, and I know you are suffering in silence. I am here to tell you that you are not alone, and your voice is being heard loud and clear. Hang on and be strong, transformation is yours. 
In light and love....Rhapsody Bohème 💙🦋

25 thoughts on “Terrible-Terrific-Tuesday

  1. it’s the middle of the night, and I started reading your blog post. I think poets, artists, authors and such draw strength from the eternal when we realize we are finite. Inner strength and empathy comes through in your writing. Hugs of encouragement!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Oooh, I love your crane, for a minute there, I thought it was black, but I think it’s shadow. A black one would look very classy.
    Your pre-appointment worries are all perfectly normal and I’m sure most people can relate, I know I can. As long as we can dismiss them, once we notice and realise how unhelpful they are, that’s the main thing. Spiritual messages come with the energy of love, not fear, if you are experiencing the energy of fear, they are not coming from the universal divine light.
    I am wondering, are you taking CBD oil now? Is it helping at all, if so? Can you do some thinking and write down anything you can think of that you started eating/doing at the point the swollen fingers appeared? If the pain and swelling is returning, it’s something you must still be doing? I suppose this kind of detective work has crossed your mind and you have been trying to figure out what has been in your life throughout this period that wasn’t there before your pain got that bad? If you did write a list of possible suspects, you could then start removing them one at a time and see what happens? And as you change your eating habits, you might also notice changes, as you say.
    Keep hopeful, life is always moving forwards, new opportunities are opening up, new solutions are available. I am going to send you some information about a kind of treatment that involves allergy testing that may help, with so much more that it can offer. It will be worth looking into, I believe.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I typed in a search for CBD oil and ordered something without checking the actual ingredients. I know better, but oh well, it did happen. While the capsules relax me and make me sleepy, they do not alleviate the pain and therefore they are not helping me.
      I am in the process of changing what I eat and have introduced more healthy food. I will monitor and see what happens. Thank you for all the great advice. Fingers crossed. Xoxo

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh no, so sorry to hear you didn’t get the CBD. I found some at the Wellbeing Fair and couldn’t believe how expensive it was. I was going to purchase it but had no cash left and that was the only payment option. Fingers isn’t enough, sorry to be bossy, but can you see that doctor again? Are you not able to set up some German medical support? Sweetheart, this can’t go on, you need help. Don’t make me come over there…! xxx

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I can’t set up German insurance because I’m not here to stay permanent and I checked into it already. There is no other way but to go back to the states to get covered and I even lost that as my work went out of business. What a mess, truly.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I am so sorry there is no plan in Germany to help overseas visitors, seems to lack social compassion, but there is less of that in most countries now and more costs for everything. I had hoped the nice doctor might know a way… 😦
        He is proving to be even more of a blessing and a sainted Samaritan every minute, I am possibly falling for him in the same way your mom loves that pop star! 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      1. I know. I was looking at some of the really complex origami foxes they have on you tube, some of them are incredible, almost real (except they are much smaller than a real fox and made of paper :-)). I had to pick a really tough one, didn’t I? Now I have to go to the art shop to get the right paper, that’s holding me up. xx

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Rhapsody, you now have some tools to work with. That is exciting. The Allergens will be directly responsible for the inflammation. The hard part is to find them. I would start by looking up all known allergens that exacerbate RA. Eliminate them first. The rest is one at a time trials and recording.
    I have a lot of sensitivities and I find simple, plain, whole foods (not processed) are best for me. I find sauces and gravies (especially store bought) are the most troublesome for me because of all the many ingredient mixes.
    Wishing you great success on this new journey. ❤️❤️❤️

    Liked by 1 person

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