What ended in near panic last week, all worked itself out to a beautiful start of a new week. I’m still surprised I could get the repair of the blind done in record speed, and at minimal cost. I got lucky and I’m most grateful an appointment could be made this quickly. It is back in working order and my hiking stick is returned to where it belongs vs. being wedged under the door lock. I feel safer at night and another measure of security has been added.
I realize that it was mostly me who caused my own hell yesterday. I reacted to years of fear, angst to disappoint Mom, fused with a desire to please her, as well as a yearning for acceptance. My reaction showed that my no exception policy I try to keep when it very es to Mom is not fully in place yet, nor may it ever be. I’m not sure if I can give it up completely. It will be as if all hope has vanished if I do, and there will always be a part that wants that mother – daughter relationship to be closer. I’m contempt to know that not all days are equal. There will be moments of vulnerability, and I’m allowing myself to be human, to make mistakes, to not be perfect. Life, and these very challenges are not perfect, and in return they don’t deserve perfect actions. What I manage one day, might be my downfall the next. I’m ok that the results will vary, knowing that I will always do my best. And you know what? It’s good enough any day….and most of all I’m good enough.