Posted in Chronic illness, Mom

Illness verbalized

“Forgive yourself for not being at peace. The moment you completely accept your non-peace, it is translated into peace.

Anything you accept fully will get you there, will take you into peace. This is the miracle of surrender.”

For as long as I remember I always identified with quotes. The message of wisdom newly discovered from thyself, but long discovered by old wise souls, put on paper to forever memorialized in a message. Perhaps it’s the feeling of identifying with one another, the feeling of reassurance and knowing to be on the same track others have found before us. Or the feeling of not being alone. We fight for so much and for me personally it has been a year of great challenges.

Mom is struggling today and although I know where it is coming from, it’s very tough to watch and endure. I try to calm, defend, to justify, and to plead. I fight for understanding. Nothing matters and the hits keep coming. There is no appreciation for anything I have done, and gratitude is replaced by insults. Today is a tough day and the best I can do is to surrender. Easier said then done, it requires work. But I’m aware and that is all that matters. Today I have to let time do it’s healing. I forgive myself for not being perfect, for not finding it all that easy, for struggling with the pain those blows can cause and the unjust feeling they leave behind. I will seek peace through it all and today and as always, I forgive not only myself but Mom as well.

Author:

Who am I, and why I write. I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one. I am the one, holding on to the silver lining when the skies are gray. I’m a believer that nothing is coincidence, but that everything has purpose. I’ve made my mistakes, don’t we all, but I see them as growing pains and they are a part of who I am today. I have lost myself in order to find myself, and I still do from time to time, but in a good way. I’m a big child who laughs until my belly hurts when life wants to be serious. Career wise: I’ve been there, done that, and I took “The jump” off the hamster wheel in an effort to change my future. I didn’t land all that soft, but I can say that I’m still proud to have found the courage to do it. Coming full circle, I had it all, and yet I was lonely and had nothing. Today I choose to be a collector of moments and I chase memories, instead of the material stuff. Less is more, and the motto is quality over quantity. You’d be amazed at how freeing it can be. I see myself as a free spirit that believes in an unconventional lifestyle. Somehow I go against the grain most of the times, not to rebel, but because it feels right to stay true to my unique and authentic self. It takes courage, and you often stand alone, but if you dare, you soon realize that it is the only way if you don’t want to lose who you are. Just like most, my past wasn’t easy and I come from a life that didn’t always give me the opportunity to be heard. Few related and even fewer cared to take the time. But that’s the past and it’s history, the future hasn’t happened and the “NOW” is truly all we ever have. In the end we all have a story to tell, and we all seek to be understood. We all yearn to be heard and accepted and still life is hard and our path is full of stumbling blocks. If we can see the lessons in adversity we may realize that the toughest moments are often our greatest teachers. There is a reason for the saying that the stars can’t shine without darkness, and it might be darkness that will show you the light.
It took a series of (un)fortunate events, to learn to glow through the pain, to learn how to dance in the rain. I believe in Magic and wonder, and the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. As an empath this old soul often feels a little too much, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Today, I am here to tell my story because I believe that it can help others. It is my hope to bring inspiration and strengths to you, while showing you that it can be done. I know you are out there, and I know you are suffering in silence. I am here to tell you that you are not alone, and your voice is being heard loud and clear. Hang on and be strong, transformation is yours. 
In light and love....Rhapsody Bohème 💙🦋

10 thoughts on “Illness verbalized

  1. When we open ourselves to forgiving with our mom’s it seems like it needs done over and over and over. Our mom’s don’t seem to have any idea they are hurting us and we need to let go of that and be the witness instead of the participant. (I’m pretty sure Amanda said that to me, it has been an immense help.) Sometimes we have to participate, but we can always step back to regroup. Again and again. it is like wrestling with the waves, but someday it will be over and we will know we did the best we could. Giving of ourselves as we can and do.
    I am so absolutely thankful you are on this journey with me. xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

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