It is done, and finally my bed is up. I have been sleeping in my childhood room ever since I got to Germany, but that 40+ year old child bed with its ancient mattress have been less then comfortable. I have mentioned that Mom’s apartment is much like a museum, a place dedicated to the memory of my Dad, but everything has it’s limit. I deserve a little comfort while my life is turned upside down, in order to be by her side. I didn’t mind sleeping in my room and it felt as if there was unfinished business waiting for me. I never really had much time to enjoy the room, to have a childhood in it and the years after my Dad’s death are a blur. I don’t remember sleeping in my room or spending time in it afterwards. I think it was then, that I started to sleep with Mom in my parents bed. I heard the message of my fathers death in my room, and it became a place my memory abandoned. It was almost like going back into time for me, reacquainting myself with it, feeling something therapeutic, something I had to do and experience through the eyes of an adult now. I felt more at home in MY room vs. staying downstairs in what used to be my grandparents apartment. I would have felt like a complete stranger there, staying in someone else’s place. I have before and it’s ok short term, but not for longer periods such as this. At least I was in MY room up here. Back then, (in the beginning) I still thought that if Mom was coming home and needed something, I would never hear her call being downstairs. Being on the same floor would definitely be beneficial. The consideration was thoughtful, but is more and more far fetched these days and a likelihood of such is very slim.
Like I mentioned before, Mom bought the bed for my birthday, but later forgot and didn’t wanted me to put it up anymore in her apartment. It was too late to back out and make the sale undone. Against her wishes and with a heavy heart, I assembled it, and it is now in MY room. I have never slept better then that first night in the new bed. I was surprised as it usually takes me awhile to get used to a new mattress. I never sleep well in hotels and by the time I adjust, it usually is time to go. This was not the case here and no adjustment time was needed. I crashed and felt as comfortable as I haven’t felt in ages. It was well worth the sweaty hours of assembling it, and I’m certain that I won’t miss the old bed. I like the eclectic, modern, vintage mix of the room right now, and it speaks to my gypsy soul. Many things have purpose and a special meaning to me. To support and guide me while the room has been converted to a little square sanctuary where I can recharge when I can’t be in nature.
I don’t mind the 70’s wallpaper, and my young inner child has selected it many moons ago. I honor her through enjoying the sight of it all over again. The bed itself is modern with clean, sleek lines that I love. It’s black and sexy, to remind me to keep passion in my heart no matter how often life is beating me down. A rug shows a scene from the rocky beach with a few stones stacked on top. It speaks of keeping balance. That everything has limits and that it is balance that is required to stay strong in order to tackle it all. The bedding itself is playful and again a gift to muse my inner child. I’m reminded to play and connect the dots, to see the big picture and the signs and messages that pour in on me. It also tells me to take time to play with childlike abandon, to not take life too seriously and to pick my battles and where I want to focus my energy on. The star pillow reminds me to always reach and stretch for the stars. That everything worthwhile takes effort and is never easy. It encourages me to stay strong and remember that the stars can’t shine without the darkness. Being a moon-child, it makes a lot of sense to me as I gaze into the night sky to find my Milky Way. My little altar/shrine had to move as it keeps expanding with rocks, feathers, snail houses and other carefully selected pieces that each have a personal meaning. I like it’s new location as it faces Mother Nature instead of standing with its back to it. My old desk is getting good use as well, and is the best spot for WiFi reception. It’s white and reminds me to keep purity within my heart. I do most of my writing here. I love the view of the window in front of the desk with the Elder tree at the base. It feels like I belong and is very soothing. It has a special meaning and it is a place I can let my mind drift and dream. My old acoustic guitar speaks to the music lover in me and reminds me to keep a song in my heart, no matter how tough life gets. A wooden fish helps me to keep faith alive. To believe and to never give up. A compass hanging from my shelf, dangles over the bed so I may never be lost and always find my way. There are many other pieces in here, too many to mention right now and perhaps I will in another post. My purpose of sharing those with you today is to encourage you to build your own place. To create a little slice of heaven you can retreat to any time you want to. A place that is full of positive affirmation, a place the reminds you to keep going when life is tough. Perhaps a place to recharge even if everything is going right. A place to meditate and be grateful for the blessings that find you each day. None of them are a given and each one is special and filled with divine intervention. Xoxoxo 🦋♥️