Posted in critter connection, Life

Even the critters

I saw this guy at Mom’s yesterday. He was clinging to the patio door, and appears to be flipping off the world. Well if that doesn’t make you smile!!!! I don’t blame him after a day like yesterday, but me saying this sounds actually worse than I feel. I’m not sure if there is a way to describe how I feel right now. I’m in between, kind of neutral, not happy but not upset. I’m merely accepting of what happened and where I am at, at this current moment. Acceptance is key and what keeps me calm, being able to process the ups and downs, remembering my hanged man while I wait it out.

I filled my day with work and sweat, since I had no way of seeing Mom. I think I never stopped sweating today. It was so warm and humid. Truly intense, and even the few times I could sit still was not feeling much better. I must be developing a heat intolerance, it’s just miserable and strenuous for me. Swollen joints and all. Still I did it and worked all day. I started laundry and washed all the bedding. I did put back Mom’s comforter she didn’t wanted me to use. It was an anti rheumatic bed and I tried it anyways to see if it would help with the pain. I felt wrong ever since, like I violated her personal things, and didn’t notice much of a difference, probably due to guilt. I no longer feel that guilt, it is returned and hers to keep. I still remember what she said yesterday and where that left me.

I built the bed I bought, and that in itself is another story. Mom knew about it, even was going to get it for my birthday, but later forgot and changed her mind. It wasn’t going in her apartment (my room), I have no right to rearrange her things (my room), and money spent later, it is not optional anymore to change her mind. It’s too late and I can’t back out anymore. It will have to be this way. It took quite awhile to build it alone, moving stuff out of the way, but in the end my childhood room received a modern update. Perhaps I can sleep better and without my back being sore. I’m actually looking forward going to bed tonight. The room is tight and compact now, even more so than before, but every inch of it has my touch on it, and is my sanctuary now. A place I feel safe, a place I can find comfort and come to relax, a place where my shrine lives and a place where childhood memories still exist. Plus the best room in the house for the possibility of catching WiFi.

Mom was transported to the hospital in the morning, and I called in the afternoon. There was no news and I was instructed to call back in the morning, which I will. WiFi was non existent for most of the day and it just came back online. It is still spotty, but I can’t complain and I’m grateful to have it. Luckily I scheduled a few posts ahead and still have to tend to email.

Mom’s apartment is put back together for the most part and I accomplished much today. Although my foot is not happy with me right now, being busy has kept my mind off of things and I’m glad this is done now.

Author:

Who am I, and why I write. I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one. I am the one, holding on to the silver lining when the skies are gray. I’m a believer that nothing is coincidence, but that everything has purpose. I’ve made my mistakes, don’t we all, but I see them as growing pains and they are a part of who I am today. I have lost myself in order to find myself, and I still do from time to time, but in a good way. I’m a big child who laughs until my belly hurts when life wants to be serious. Career wise: I’ve been there, done that, and I took “The jump” off the hamster wheel in an effort to change my future. I didn’t land all that soft, but I can say that I’m still proud to have found the courage to do it. Coming full circle, I had it all, and yet I was lonely and had nothing. Today I choose to be a collector of moments and I chase memories, instead of the material stuff. Less is more, and the motto is quality over quantity. You’d be amazed at how freeing it can be. I see myself as a free spirit that believes in an unconventional lifestyle. Somehow I go against the grain most of the times, not to rebel, but because it feels right to stay true to my unique and authentic self. It takes courage, and you often stand alone, but if you dare, you soon realize that it is the only way if you don’t want to lose who you are. Just like most, my past wasn’t easy and I come from a life that didn’t always give me the opportunity to be heard. Few related and even fewer cared to take the time. But that’s the past and it’s history, the future hasn’t happened and the “NOW” is truly all we ever have. In the end we all have a story to tell, and we all seek to be understood. We all yearn to be heard and accepted and still life is hard and our path is full of stumbling blocks. If we can see the lessons in adversity we may realize that the toughest moments are often our greatest teachers. There is a reason for the saying that the stars can’t shine without darkness, and it might be darkness that will show you the light.
It took a series of (un)fortunate events, to learn to glow through the pain, to learn how to dance in the rain. I believe in Magic and wonder, and the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. As an empath this old soul often feels a little too much, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Today, I am here to tell my story because I believe that it can help others. It is my hope to bring inspiration and strengths to you, while showing you that it can be done. I know you are out there, and I know you are suffering in silence. I am here to tell you that you are not alone, and your voice is being heard loud and clear. Hang on and be strong, transformation is yours. 
In light and love....Rhapsody Bohème 💙🦋

17 thoughts on “Even the critters

  1. Ah, Grasshoppers can move in any direction and are full of intuition. You are definitely in tune with your situation.
    Thinking of you.
    I am so sorry that you have felt the need to pull back into your old bedroom and preserve your Mom’s stuff as though it is a museum. (Sorry, that is how it sounds). But I appreciate also, that is the only room that you can fill thoroughly with your energy, warmth, and much needed vitality to carry on.
    Be well! 💖

    Liked by 1 person

    1. PS – Your RA sounds very painful Rhapsody. Perhaps this article might help?
      https://nutritionfacts.org/2017/05/09/the-best-diet-for-rheumatoid-arthritis/

      I cut out eggs six years ago because I couldn’t walk properly (even saw doctors, chiropractor, orthopedic specialist without any joy). It took only three weeks to see a dramatic change. I am now Vegan (nearly three years) and can’t tell you how much it has changed my life. I hope you find some relief. The humid weather certainly doesn’t help!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I have never been fully able to follow the diet with work and a hectic lifestyle but I have to get serious and do a better job. I know I can start small and expand as I go. If eggs are the culprit, I will miss them 😔. Thank you

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Perhaps, given your Mum’s recent diagnosis, and the continuing increase in Dementia and Alzheimer’s, you should take a look at Dr. Greger’s latest research into Oxidised Cholesterol. Eggs don’t measure up, despite the recent health advice that they are ok. Nor does Tuna fish. 😱

        https://nutritionfacts.org/video/oxidized-cholesterol-as-a-cause-of-alzheimers-disease/

        Eggs are more the ‘baddy’ than the ‘goody’ in our diets really. They were perhaps an introduction to human diets (as were meats), when plant foods were scarce as we (humans) trekked up into Northern climbs full of snow and ice. Our current consumption of animal protein is too high… It is not serving us very well on the health front.

        Wishing you much relief from the RA 💖💖

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Most interesting and thank you for sharing this. I will make a conscious effort into my dietary needs, starting with my next shopping trip. I will start to cut out eggs and increase more fruits and vegetables and build from there. I’ll see where it takes me and I can build from there. Thank you my friend. Hugs

        Liked by 1 person

    2. I have been sleeping in my old childhood bedroom ever since I got here. You are right and Moms stuff including her apartment is like a museum. It is a living shrine to my Dad and it is up to her to keep it as such if she wants to. Whether she sees it or not. All I can do is honor her wishes while she is alive and respect her space and things. I only use three rooms in her apartment. The kitchen, bathroom and my room. It is ok to be back in my childhood room and make it a bit homey for myself. It does bring that vitality to carry on and regroup. Xoxo

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I love when the critters are rebels even if it is in our mind. I hope you can get some relief soon from the heat. I’m so happy you were able to create a space of your own. Seems like she is holding on desperately to her world, to keep it the same as if she is going home tonight. My husband and I care for his parents and I completely relate what you are going through. Many hugs to you!! 😊💗

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I hope you have put your feet up and had a nice cup of tea or coffee. You worked really hard and will feel so much more comfortable now. Of course, a bit of barefoot walking on the earth might also help… and a soak in the bath? Glad you are not holding onto the stress of the situation too greatly, bearing in mind this is totally understandable under the circumstances. My thoughts are with you and your mom, as you know, my wise one. xx

    Liked by 1 person

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