Posted in critter connection, Life

Even the critters

I saw this guy at Mom’s yesterday. He was clinging to the patio door, and appears to be flipping off the world. Well if that doesn’t make you smile!!!! I don’t blame him after a day like yesterday, but me saying this sounds actually worse than I feel. I’m not sure if there is a way to describe how I feel right now. I’m in between, kind of neutral, not happy but not upset. I’m merely accepting of what happened and where I am at, at this current moment. Acceptance is key and what keeps me calm, being able to process the ups and downs, remembering my hanged man while I wait it out.

I filled my day with work and sweat, since I had no way of seeing Mom. I think I never stopped sweating today. It was so warm and humid. Truly intense, and even the few times I could sit still was not feeling much better. I must be developing a heat intolerance, it’s just miserable and strenuous for me. Swollen joints and all. Still I did it and worked all day. I started laundry and washed all the bedding. I did put back Mom’s comforter she didn’t wanted me to use. It was an anti rheumatic bed and I tried it anyways to see if it would help with the pain. I felt wrong ever since, like I violated her personal things, and didn’t notice much of a difference, probably due to guilt. I no longer feel that guilt, it is returned and hers to keep. I still remember what she said yesterday and where that left me.

I built the bed I bought, and that in itself is another story. Mom knew about it, even was going to get it for my birthday, but later forgot and changed her mind. It wasn’t going in her apartment (my room), I have no right to rearrange her things (my room), and money spent later, it is not optional anymore to change her mind. It’s too late and I can’t back out anymore. It will have to be this way. It took quite awhile to build it alone, moving stuff out of the way, but in the end my childhood room received a modern update. Perhaps I can sleep better and without my back being sore. I’m actually looking forward going to bed tonight. The room is tight and compact now, even more so than before, but every inch of it has my touch on it, and is my sanctuary now. A place I feel safe, a place I can find comfort and come to relax, a place where my shrine lives and a place where childhood memories still exist. Plus the best room in the house for the possibility of catching WiFi.

Mom was transported to the hospital in the morning, and I called in the afternoon. There was no news and I was instructed to call back in the morning, which I will. WiFi was non existent for most of the day and it just came back online. It is still spotty, but I can’t complain and I’m grateful to have it. Luckily I scheduled a few posts ahead and still have to tend to email.

Mom’s apartment is put back together for the most part and I accomplished much today. Although my foot is not happy with me right now, being busy has kept my mind off of things and I’m glad this is done now.


We are the co-creators of our life and the time is now. More than ever are we needed to support Mother Earth and each other. Together we discover and explore our unique gifts in times of strengths, in times we lean on each other, and in times when we learn from each other. This blog started as an outlet and what I ultimately called my “Warriors Journey.” It was a way to document the ups and downs of my life, sharing my hardships as well as my successes. It showcased the struggles, but more important the ways of how to overcome them. Although we are warriors each and every day, I realized that having to be a warrior, comes from a place of pain. I decided to rename this blog, and “Phoenix Rising” now stands for the story of overcoming such a painful place. My motivation for this blog hasn’t changed and I hope to share inspiration and hope, to create a sense of belonging, a space of being heard, and connecting with like minded beings who instill a sense of oneness. We are never alone, and we are unstoppable in the pursuit of what sets our soul on fire. Who I am in a nutshell... 
I am an energy healer and Reiki Master. I am surviving a chronic disease that I’ve sent into remission three times since my initial bout, 15 years ago. I continuously challenge the status quo and by doing so I change my stars. I am a believer that anything is possible. I am a hopeless romantic and I believe that true love exists on various levels. I am an optimist that will always see the glass as half full. I am a dreamer, believing in endless possibilities. Not even the sky is the limit. I have jumped off of the hamster wheel, and I am writing a new chapter. I am chasing my Nirvana to support my most authentic self. This is my story, I am that Phoenix and I am rising from the ashes. Namaste 🙏🏼💙🦋

17 thoughts on “Even the critters

  1. Ah, Grasshoppers can move in any direction and are full of intuition. You are definitely in tune with your situation.
    Thinking of you.
    I am so sorry that you have felt the need to pull back into your old bedroom and preserve your Mom’s stuff as though it is a museum. (Sorry, that is how it sounds). But I appreciate also, that is the only room that you can fill thoroughly with your energy, warmth, and much needed vitality to carry on.
    Be well! 💖

    Liked by 1 person

    1. PS – Your RA sounds very painful Rhapsody. Perhaps this article might help?

      I cut out eggs six years ago because I couldn’t walk properly (even saw doctors, chiropractor, orthopedic specialist without any joy). It took only three weeks to see a dramatic change. I am now Vegan (nearly three years) and can’t tell you how much it has changed my life. I hope you find some relief. The humid weather certainly doesn’t help!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I have never been fully able to follow the diet with work and a hectic lifestyle but I have to get serious and do a better job. I know I can start small and expand as I go. If eggs are the culprit, I will miss them 😔. Thank you

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Perhaps, given your Mum’s recent diagnosis, and the continuing increase in Dementia and Alzheimer’s, you should take a look at Dr. Greger’s latest research into Oxidised Cholesterol. Eggs don’t measure up, despite the recent health advice that they are ok. Nor does Tuna fish. 😱

        Eggs are more the ‘baddy’ than the ‘goody’ in our diets really. They were perhaps an introduction to human diets (as were meats), when plant foods were scarce as we (humans) trekked up into Northern climbs full of snow and ice. Our current consumption of animal protein is too high… It is not serving us very well on the health front.

        Wishing you much relief from the RA 💖💖

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Most interesting and thank you for sharing this. I will make a conscious effort into my dietary needs, starting with my next shopping trip. I will start to cut out eggs and increase more fruits and vegetables and build from there. I’ll see where it takes me and I can build from there. Thank you my friend. Hugs

        Liked by 1 person

    2. I have been sleeping in my old childhood bedroom ever since I got here. You are right and Moms stuff including her apartment is like a museum. It is a living shrine to my Dad and it is up to her to keep it as such if she wants to. Whether she sees it or not. All I can do is honor her wishes while she is alive and respect her space and things. I only use three rooms in her apartment. The kitchen, bathroom and my room. It is ok to be back in my childhood room and make it a bit homey for myself. It does bring that vitality to carry on and regroup. Xoxo

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I love when the critters are rebels even if it is in our mind. I hope you can get some relief soon from the heat. I’m so happy you were able to create a space of your own. Seems like she is holding on desperately to her world, to keep it the same as if she is going home tonight. My husband and I care for his parents and I completely relate what you are going through. Many hugs to you!! 😊💗

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I hope you have put your feet up and had a nice cup of tea or coffee. You worked really hard and will feel so much more comfortable now. Of course, a bit of barefoot walking on the earth might also help… and a soak in the bath? Glad you are not holding onto the stress of the situation too greatly, bearing in mind this is totally understandable under the circumstances. My thoughts are with you and your mom, as you know, my wise one. xx

    Liked by 1 person

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