“Light at the end of the tunnel”. It was the first thought that came to mind riding the bicycle through this tunnel tonight. I had to stop and just take in the beauty of it for a moment. To just breathe and be in the moment. I don’t have “the bike” from my girlfriend yet, but I had “a bike” I could use tonight. It was a bad day and this comes from a person who would be the first to tell you that there are no bad days. I can’t find a better word for it right now. I’m not exempt and it was a bad day. Some things just won’t change.
I went to Würzburg yesterday and had a good time with my nieces and family. The trouble started last night with a missed delivery for my bed that arrived a day earlier than I was told. The hassle started from there and after moving mountains last night and today, they finally agreed to redeliver. I was glad as I knew it would be bulky to transport by myself. It took all day until 5:30PM for the guy to finally show up. On top of it, he was aggravated for unknown reasons, yelled at the neighbors dogs which can get annoying, and delivered only one of two boxes. “Gotta go lady” he left me with little info of what to expect and where and when to get my second box. I’m not worried at the moment and grab my stuff so I can rush and see Mom. She’s been alone nearly two days now, probably worried why I’m not there. Sure enough a smart remark flies right from the get go as if I’m a schoolgirl who forgot where she is suppose to be.
Well let’s just say that she wasn’t in good spirits and the last time I’ve seen her like this was the first day I arrived. Bad things were said, mainly from her and it was tough to remember that it was he illness talking. Sometimes I can’t blame it all on the illness and she knows darn well.
I’m at a loss for words tonight. I was angry, which is subsiding and is leaving nothing but a gaping hole. I can hear the echo laughing and saying “who are you kidding”. I’m sure I won’t give up hope, although I was pretty close to having enough of it all tonight. She pushed me away pretty hard tonight.
I’m glad I had the bike to ride off a bit of steam. My face was red as a tomato by the time I got done, and my heart was pumping hard. I might be sore tomorrow as it took awhile to just ride it off. Don’t worry, I’m just venting and I will be ok. At the moment I feel back at square one, with all your praise and kind words about bringing light to her life disappointed and gone out the window. I feel as if I have failed, although I know much better. I know it isn’t true, but sometimes things are beyond unjustified and uncalled for. Today was such a day and more is yet to come.