Posted in Life, Mom

Rainy Day

It looks like it’s going to be a rainy day. I love the rain and right now it is a peaceful quiet mist that is falling from the sky. I’m up at the wee hours and it wasn’t even 5AM when I decided to start my day. I made coffee and slowly the day is filling with light as I sit at the window, taking the occasional sip, letting my mind drift into the distance. The ground is wet and the drops will continue to fall throughout the day. My friends the snails have emerged from the bushes, carrying their houses into the open, to rinse from the dirt and be born yet again. It’s quiet outside and the world hasn’t fully awakened yet. I think I will sit and consciously enjoy the stillness for awhile.

It is for the first time that I truly notice the Hollunder bush that is blooming outside my window. It looks especially beautiful this morning and the rain has given it a lush appearance. Somebody mentioned that you can bake and eat the white blooms. Supposedly they are delicious and I might have a food source growing right outside my door without ever knowing about it. For now I am enjoying it just the way it is and it looks magnificent.

I was planning on going to Würzburg with the family later on this afternoon. I’m undecided and woke up with a sore wrist. The RA has left my feet and moved into my right shoulder a few days ago. It never fully manifested there and the pain was tolerable, but this morning it is my right wrist that is giving me trouble. So much though that I had to challenge Creativity this morning, given that I’m right handed to complete a few minor tasks. My arm is hanging there as if a foreign piece of myself that I’m trying to operate and have little control over. I know Leni (my niece) would be disappointed if I don’t make it. She loves to shop and is been telling me for days how excited she is that the day is near for us to go. I have an especially close connection to her and she has stolen my heart long ago. It is incredible to discover all the things we have in common, all the things we love and all the things we enjoy doing. She often reminds me of a small little version of myself, but it is her soul that shines the brightest.

Yesterday while visiting Mom, I learned that something is not ok with her foot. It’s the one where her big toe was amputated last Christmas Eve. I know right…Merry Christmas. It’s been ok all this time and healing, but all of a sudden a doctor is needed to determine further treatment. It just shows how quick things can change, especially with a diabetes patient. I’m nervous for her, and could see the worry in her eyes yesterday. In a way as if she needs a break and can’t take anymore bad news. So much has happened towards the end of last year and so far this year. She is in a constant state of preparedness for the next thing to make its appearance, and has accepted that surely it will. It’s sad. Her doctor is suppose to get there early this morning, before his own praxis starts. I’m sure it’s been on my mind and would explain why I can’t sleep. I will call over there this morning and see if I can find out anything, before I decide on Würzburg. It seems shallow to go shopping under these circumstances and I will need to see how the wrist is developing. It’s painful right now and would be a drag trying to carry any shopping bags. There is much that is waiting to be done in the house, which will also have to wait. Today is probably not the day to do so. I’m limited and nothing will happen unless the trouble in my wrist disappears as quickly as it came. Anything can happen and while I engage this very thought, I’m noticing my mind frame is much different then Mom’s. I see our varying choices, perhaps induced by life experiences but mainly by the path we have chosen to walk. The perception we decided to own and the outcome we most likely expect. In my time here, it is my mission to bring as much light back to Mom as possible, to change that mind frame, to come to expect the good vs, the next bad thing from happening. I will, and already have brought purpose back to her life, and she has smiled more then she has in years, I’m certain. It’s a beautiful thing and the conditional love of a daughter, the self sacrifice of the Hanged Man (tarot post) to gather information from a different point of view. It is a vital piece of the puzzle and I am where I need to be. I am all that is left and I know that it is only me who can open the heart of my mother to led it flood with love and light. And so it shall be….


We are the co-creators of our life and the time is now. More than ever are we needed to support Mother Earth and each other. Together we discover and explore our unique gifts in times of strengths, in times we lean on each other, and in times when we learn from each other. This blog started as an outlet and what I ultimately called my “Warriors Journey.” It was a way to document the ups and downs of my life, sharing my hardships as well as my successes. It showcased the struggles, but more important the ways of how to overcome them. Although we are warriors each and every day, I realized that having to be a warrior, comes from a place of pain. I decided to rename this blog, and “Phoenix Rising” now stands for the story of overcoming such a painful place. My motivation for this blog hasn’t changed and I hope to share inspiration and hope, to create a sense of belonging, a space of being heard, and connecting with like minded beings who instill a sense of oneness. We are never alone, and we are unstoppable in the pursuit of what sets our soul on fire. Who I am in a nutshell... 
I am an energy healer and Reiki Master. I am surviving a chronic disease that I’ve sent into remission three times since my initial bout, 15 years ago. I continuously challenge the status quo and by doing so I change my stars. I am a believer that anything is possible. I am a hopeless romantic and I believe that true love exists on various levels. I am an optimist that will always see the glass as half full. I am a dreamer, believing in endless possibilities. Not even the sky is the limit. I have jumped off of the hamster wheel, and I am writing a new chapter. I am chasing my Nirvana to support my most authentic self. This is my story, I am that Phoenix and I am rising from the ashes. Namaste 🙏🏼💙🦋

17 thoughts on “Rainy Day

  1. Good morning my lovely one. A lot going on this morning for you. Have you tried standing barefoot on the grass next to your bush to help your wrist? Just a thought… The smell of rain and distinct smell of wet Hollunder bush (or elder, I believe) could be refreshing? Also, have you got a backpack to avoid having to carry bags, if you decide to go shopping today?
    I am so sorry to hear about your mother’s foot problem, it’s difficult when waiting to hear more from the doctors, isn’t it? I hope it’s a sign that this is prevention rather than a developing problem.
    Your bush, the elder, is very special. My favourite recipe is to dip the flower-heads in batter and deep-fry them, delicious with or without ice cream! Don’t eat too many, let some become berries because elderberries are really juicy and tasty to eat too. Elderflower and elderberry are both great for making cordials and wines. Also cakes. Very rich in Vitamin C, used to treat pain and inflammation.
    The elder is a sacred tree. It’s the tree of the Goddess as Divine Crone and also called The Goddess Tree (yours may be a bush, but they can grow into trees as well). It’s a tree of protection. It’s very dangerous to chop one down, the faeries live there and they won’t be happy. This is a tree of beginnings and endings, birth and death. Of judgement, transformation, fate and the inevitable. I hope your wrist gets better soon and you hear from the doctors, I hope Leni is happy today and the day turns out a good one for you. You deserve a lovely day out with your beautiful niece, to be pain free and get some good news for the hospital, so may it be. Enjoy! x

    Liked by 3 people

    1. My dear friend. So much has happened since yesterday and I hope to write an update. Most turned out good so far with only a few things still outstanding.
      Isn’t it amazing I have an elder tree/bush. It’s another sign. Look what I found out.

      Shamans and medicine people worldwide believed elder was a healing plant and commonly used it for upper respiratory ailments and topically for skin problems. Traditionally, our herbalist elders, such as Hippocrates, Dioscorides, and Pliney the Elder recognized its strength as a diuretic, diaphoretic, anti-inflammatory, anti-bacterial, and more. Recent research from Israel and the United Kingdom has confirmed some of these claims.

      Maybe to help with the RA. Did I read it is also attached to shamanism? A very special tree indeed and I think it will assist me in many ways to come. 😉

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You have a way of stumbling onto a number of amazing gifts – or, more likely, you open your eyes and open your heart and they come looking for you! x

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Hardly surprising considering what you went through and how hurt you must have felt, my dear one. I hope it is over. x

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Reading Amanda’s reply, could it be that you need to eat some of those white flowers for help with your RA? It seems significant that you mentioned them. I love the smell of elder flowers…and they do make a lovely cordial. Perhaps something that your Mom would like…make her think of better times at home! 😉 I’ll bet she has made some in the he past. It tastes a little bit like a lemonade! 💓

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I totally agree and I think it is a sign. I will definitely try and look up some recipes when they become a little ripper. Mom was the one who told me that you can eat them and maybe she did made some before 😉. I shall find out.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. It is awful when your body parts become wooden and drag. Sending you healing thoughts across the way…hoping you can get the energy to go out and play.
    It often seems our parents take so much from us. It hurts almost as much as the pain in the joints do–and I feel just as wooden when I try to move my own mom.

    Liked by 1 person

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