Posted in Inspiration, plants

Windy Wednesday

As the north winds blow, temperatures have cooled off a bit. The sky is looking mostly cloudy today, perhaps still hiding a later April shower. The wind seemed to have carried along all the allergies of the blooming plants and fields, and I woke up congested and sneezing. My eyes and ears itch a bit, and my throat feels slightly sore as if I had a cold. It’s not as bad as in the states, but the pollen count is elevated and for sure to blame for the way I feel today. I slept better though and was happy to find a bamboo pillow at the store yesterday. I had a kink in my neck for the past two days, painful and forcing me to do the whole body turn because I couldn’t turn to the right. Don’t you just hate it when this happens? Always makes me feel like a robot. Today is a 100% improved, and I only feel a little pain that is left. I should be as good as new by tomorrow. Ah, the pains of getting old huh?

I hope this wind is stopping soon because I need to replant this beauty. It has gotten so big, and although I love waking up to it’s sight on my window sill, I know that it would bring just as much joy on the balcony while sipping my morning coffee. I think I want to get one for Mom when I have another chance. I always bring her flowers and she always holds on to them for the very last moment. Even if they start to look sad and I want to throw them out, she begs for them to stay just another day. Perhaps I will start to press one flower from each bouquet for her. This way she will always have a reminder that can bring joy at later times.

Posted in Adventure, Travel

The bus stops right here – Rothenburg o.d.T.

Check it out I even made a logo for “Fern” and this picture was taken on the city wall surrounding Rothenburg o.d.T. (ob der Tauber). I hope you like it.

It is finally here, the first installment of “The bus stops right here”. I knew a few of you have been excited about this, thank you very much for the support of my quirky ideas. You’re the best. I’m happy to say that the wait is finally over with more installments on the way. Meet “Fern” my little miniature hippie bus that travelled to Germany with me. Fern (meaning far in german) embodies what I hope to pursue in the future. A simpler lifestyle with a home on wheels, traveling to wherever the wind takes me to fuel my wild spirit, and pursue my values and core beliefs. To live by even simpler means, to get rid of the stuff and baggage, but be richer through memories and life experiences. Adventure makes my heart beat higher, as well as to be in my own time and without schedules.

On this first ever installment, you will travel to one of my favorite places. The bus stopped in Rothenburg, a quaint medieval city that is only a short distance away from my hometown, and always a must see. Rothenburg allows you to escape and makes you feel as if you are on vacation. It does get crowded though with tourists in the summer, but on this night it was perfect. We left towards the early evening hours, and it was a mild April day. Unusual warm for this time of season and unusually uncrowned once we got there. Guess nobody planned on taking vacation in April which is often unpredictable and rainy, but not this time. I think we skipped spring all together and headed straight for summer. I’m not complaining after nearly freezing to death during the first weeks of my arrival.

We parked just outside the city wall that was still paved solid. The inner city is made of cobblestone, preserved in its prior history, with market places, tiny medieval doors, fountains, and shops. Only a few short steps from the parking spot is one of the many accesses to the city wall. Steep, narrow steps, whisk you up above the rooftops and a view of the inner city. In the distance you see can churches, other watchtowers and the city life beneath your feet.

Outdoor cafes and Biergarten are a part of german history and are definitely all over the place in Rothenburg. People come together and sit in a relaxing atmosphere, throughout the day and in the evening when the sun settles it’s alpenglow last light on the steeples and romantic core of the city. German “Gemütlichkeit” reminds me much about a Post on the danish Hygge that I did awhile back and has the same concept.

Be forewarned of pictures from Rothenburg to crowd this feed.

Posted in Inspiration, Spirituality

Afterthoughts

The two of swords from my Tarot reading resonated, and still occupied my mind days later. It all made perfect sense all of a sudden, from the panic of nothing getting resolved, to the exhaustion of balancing, suspended between two worlds. I wasn’t blind, but I did not prefer to see the entire situation clearly and in all it’s harsh reality. I felt as if I was learning new traits daily, as if I was tested and measured, stretched to expand my horizons and grow closet into my higher self. I remembered my badger sighting from a few weeks ago. A sign that Mother Earth was supporting me in my battle of good and evil. It’s not really evil, but it is what I call the struggles at times. Badger also promised to bring new wisdom and no matter how tough the lesson, I was seeking to learn and grow from it. I thought of all that had happened within the past seven weeks and somehow everything had reason and found it’s rightful place within the puzzle. I came to the conclusion that the main peace I was learning right now was to balance the right amount of action against the right amount of balance. Life changed for a few involved in this and adjustment to such life altering circumstances couldn’t be forged and take time. I’ve always considered myself as patient, but Mom had shown me that I had more to learn. I got frustrated with the situation at times, although I mostly kept it conceived from her. What was I expecting, that she’d embrace her new life with open arms? I got selfish at times and missed my conveniences in the states and being one with nature. I missed my hikes and my life became stagnant, stuck in the same daily rut. I had to refocus and find more balance. I needed to trust that everything was in divine order and how it was meant to be. I needed to remember that the universe already had a plan and that I was ready for the next step.

And then a comment hit my inbox from Amanda (if the link still doesn’t work, you can find her at fourbrancheshealing.wordpress.com) a special blogger that seems to know my soul inside and out, although we’ve only known each other for a short time. I trust her and believe that nothing is left to coincidence. I’m not surprised that our paths have crossed and the timing of synchronicities is for a reason. It doesn’t matter how much or how little I say, she just knows. It is as if she looks into my soul and is able to articulate everything going on perfect and better than I can find the words for. If you have not visited her blog yet, please do so, and share in her amazing journey as well. Amanda has reminded me of what a great community this is and how much we all have to say. Now we can support each other and learn from each other. To share our journey and to spread the message that we are never alone, no matter how lonely the path. I’m honored to have walked the path, and still do, with some very special people. I have learned so much from all of you…thank you.

I’m not surprised that the two of swords showed up in my reading, and it seemed like the perfect card.

Amanda’s feedback

Well, what can I say? How amazingly appropriate. Nothing you don’t really already know, though, hey? It sounds precarious, but hang on, it’s not so bad. You don’t need to rely entirely on yourself for the answers of what constitutes action right now, ask the Divine, address your Witness Self, the teacher within. Don’t act too soon, don’t panic. Wait, and keep removing resistances whilst you wait. The focus is joining together the communication coming from two sides; mind and heart, water and air, moon of intuitive world and cogs of the practical. As two elements unite as one, your problems are solved. Let me tell you then, a little about your future. A major shift, breakthrough and transformation is assured but not yet visible. You are actually experiencing another initiation process in your life now, but I’m sure you’re already aware of that. Your Warrior nature is called for, but remember, your swords are not only about battle, swords are about balance, they have two sides (duality again), they are also for cutting through the confusion and illusion. With them, you can cut away the unwanted thoughts and feelings that get in your way. That is the kind of Warrior you are. Rely on radical trust, even if you do end up leaping, empty-handed into the void. You are already closer to the light than the darkness. BTW, you are not blind, you have never been blind, preferring not to look occasionally maybe, but not blind.

Posted in Inspiration, Mother nature

A love affair

There is a pleasure in the pathless woods,

There is a rapture on the lonely shore,

There is society, where none intrudes,

By the deep sea, and music in it’s roar,

I love not man the less, but nature more.

Lord Byron

High above and within beautiful Yosemite National Park.

Posted in Inspiration

Two of Swords

The card I drew in my tarot reading was the “Two of Swords”, perhaps the most fitting card in the deck for my current situation. Reading the description like so many times before, left me astonished, surprised and in awe. There is a knowing, a feeling that this already there, a confirmation, and the reassurance, as well as the steps and guidance that needs to follow.

“La-la-la-la-la-la-I can’t hear you. Just a bit occupied at the moment. Please go away.”

Card core meaning: A conflict between heart and mind.

I’m going to quote this card as from my Steampunk deck from Barbara Moore. It is perfect the way it is and there is no need to put it into different words. It fits…

An unsettling blend of gracefulness and tension, she balances delicately between the water and the moon, keeping her swords aloft. Although artful, this activity takes up all her time and energy. The swords, representing her reason and her logic as well as the stories she tells herself about her life, require constant attention. Her environment is comprised largely of water, symbolic of her subconscious, and moon, also connected with the darker aspects of the self. No wonder she prefers a blindfold. She’s not caught between a rock and a hard place. Quite the opposite…she is dangling between water and air. Eventually she will tire, and something will give way. She will have to take off the blindfold, take stock of her situation, and make a decision. For now, though, she’s doing remarkably well in ignoring her situation. If you’re feeling between and betwixt, the two of swords will probably show up in your reading. It lets you know that while you may feel like you’re doing everything you can, you actually are spending too much energy accomplishing nothing. You’re keeping busy and distracted while time passes, hoping that the situation will resolve itself. Cease for a moment. Breathe. Let your thoughts stop flailing. Take a look at where you are. Yes, you may have to face some fears or admit some unpleasant circumstances. You’ll have to decide where you want to go and then figure out how to get there – it’ll probably be less exhausting and more productive. Or keep holding your pose. Whatever works for you.

I knew that what I read was largely the reasons for my sudden panic attic, why I had felt so vulnerable and frightened. I already knew and felt time was passing without accomplishing all that much. I kept busy hoping Mom would realize and adjust to her new situation. And somehow I knew that I was fooling myself, trying to balance tightly between falling and the dark. I knew nothing was resolved and Mom was continuing to think that she’d come home. I played along every day, giving hope and support, flexible to her needs, yet she couldn’t grasp that life for her meant to live here in the senior home. How would I ever make her understand!

Posted in knitting, Mom

Finitto (Finished)

With the first famous pair of socks that Mom and I made together, I have just completed my 6th pair. I try to make one pair per year so I don’t forget the process, but took a two year break. Life got busy like so many times, and I just never got around to it. Thank goodness for the detailed written instructions I wrote, while Mom and I made our first pair together. Still I need those instructions each time and have managed so far to complete my socks with the help of my notes. The other day, Mom got me so confused during a part that requires a lot of concentration, that I didn’t know what was happening anymore. I lost track and tried to find my way back, while trying to ignore her yapping in the bed next to me. “Did you make a bigger stitch. Sure you did, I can see it from here.” Several times I asked her to hold on for a moment. Nothing and on she went. Finally I had to lean in closer and asked her if it was possible for her to be quiet for a moment. In my mind was thinking “Gee, shut up already” haha, and I’m not sure where my usual calm went, but man was I getting frustrated. With the situation at hand and with her. One short pause; do I really want to do this, yep I have no control over myself and pulled all the needles out. A scary and dangerous move since all the stitches can run into oblivion. It did happen Kris, lol. You were just talking about it the other day. You should have seen Mom’s look on her face, totally shocked, mouth wide open, she managed to say “I wouldn’t have done that.” Well I did and now I was fueled with some stubbornness to show her that I could put it back together. I did, but it truly is a pain in the…You know what. Thank goodness that I only did it like once before, it’s difficult. After awhile all the stitches were back on the needles, and I was back to square one. I had enough for the day and packed it away. Today, I pulled it back out and finished the second sock. Mom was quiet and only made occasional comments when she saw a chance of not distracting me. In the end she added the finishing touches and stitched all the tails in so they wouldn’t untie. I don’t care for doing this and it’s probably my least favorite part. She knows and offered to do it, which allowed her to help and be a part in making the socks. And yes, she complimented me once more on the finished pair and the even stitches.

Posted in Life

Sick – Day

It was Monday, the day after Sophia’s Konfirmation, and I woke in the same manner as I went to bed. Lonely, frightened, worried, and panicked. My feelings were restless, my mind scattered, I felt as if time was running out. Panic disturbed my Zen and shook my calm. I thought about Mom’s taunting behavior in front of my cousin, behaving as if she had to put me in check, for all to witness, and I couldn’t help but feel the sadness creep back over me. I would she have to do such a thing! My nerves were all over the place the night before, and now this morning, I think I literally made myself sick.

Around noon I felt so nauseous and lightheaded that I decided to lay back down for awhile. I couldn’t do much but lay there, even music made me vulnerable. With certainty that song triggering the tears would come on any minute. I’m sure you know what I mean and have been there. I felt cold and I knew that something was off. The weather was nice and warm, yet I felt chilled. I bundled myself but eventually migrated to the balcony where it was much warmer. I sat in the lounger I had grabbed, dating back to my childhood. I knew since it had been in use prior, Mom would be ok with it. Brand new patio furniture was still in their original packaging in the garage, but yeah, Mom wanted it to stay there as well. I had another comforter flashback as she mentioned it, but oh well. Her thinking is that I leave again, anyways, and then everything is just standing around to collect dust and get ugly. At least in the box it stays protected as she can’t care for it anymore. A waste, but they are her things and her decisions to make. The lounger was fine, not the most comfortable piece anymore and definitely not made to do some writing in it, but it would do. The material on the head piece was slightly faded from the sun compared to the rest of the chair that was stored folded and had escaped the powerful rays.

The day past and I didn’t see Mom, for nearly two days in a row now. I knew that I wasn’t capable of entertaining Mom, of being the cheerleader and the usual time passer, so it had to be ok one way or another. Even if I felt better, something was off, touched within, changed from the day before, and from church. There was no way to hide it and play over it. Time was needed for myself, and perhaps my body’s role was to boycott and make me feel sick, forcing me to take the time to stay still.

Evening time came and I forced myself to eat. I managed a little, but it was unsettling, and ended up leaving my body at high speed. I felt better however afterwards and was thinking of Mom. Thoughts became clearer and I would see her tomorrow. A new day, a new dawn, another try to fight the good fight. I became curious all of a sudden and thought of my Tarot deck. I was no longer emotional as I didn’t want the cards to be influenced and driven by emotion. The energy was good and I had questions. I was in need of guidance and could use a little help. Little did I know that all my experiences were about to come full circle, and leave me with my mouth wide open.

Posted in Inspiration, Spirit animals

Love Birds

On my little outing last night, I noticed this playful, loving pair, and thought to myself that they must be love birds. Grooming each other, they sat on the stone city wall, unfazed by the people passing by.

Fern (my little bus) was with me, but I didn’t get a picture there. As I keep you in suspense, i promise to write a detailed post. You now know that the bus stopped in a city with a old stone wall. It’s one of my favorite places and I took lots of pictures to share with you.

As far as spirit animals, I saw a stork in the distance, a fish and these pigeons. Tonight I focus on the message from the pigeons and sleep well.

“You are receiving true divine guidance through your feelings and intuition. Trust it.”