Posted in Inspiration

Auto-Pilot

I remember my last day at work and saying goodbye to everybody that was working that day. “We will miss you” it said written numerous times on a card my boss had given me, amongst other well wishes for my upcoming journey to Germany. How little did I know at that point! Of the things that were to come, work wise, with Mom, on many personal levels, and in general for most aspects of my life.

Roughly two weeks ago, in the midst of all the chaos here, and not knowing if Mom would see another day, I got word from my Boss that our future was no-more. The company that I have worked for the past 2 1/2 years was going out of business, with all retail stores closing nationwide. Talk about when it rains it pours. It’s still a shocker, and seems like a bad dream. I still struggle to accept this as the new truth, but it is slowly sinking in that I won’t have a choice and that it is, what it is. I can’t get it out of my head, and little did I know that on my last day, working with the people that I did, it would truly be my last day. Forever. Another reminder to never take ANYTHING for granted. It might not be here tomorrow.

While many worried about “Now what”, auto-pilot engaged for me, and protected me from unnecessary worry. What was I to do at this particular point, there was nothing I could change or influence, and although important, it wasn’t the priority at this point. Not having an income is a priority of course, while bills continue and life doesn’t stop, but I had no room left to worry about this right now. I was grateful to have planned ahead enough in life to not have to worry about it right away. A combination of smarts and luck. Mom remained the priority, and my dedication remained to her, here and now.

I realized something this morning. I haven’t hiked or had time for myself. I try to take care of myself, and in a way I am by being there for Mom (it is was I want), but on the other side I haven’t nourished myself in the form of a hike or any of the things I usually do. I have taken zero pictures with my camera. Taking into account that I was sick, and still I’m not a 100%, I’m able to go easy n myself. I haven’t worked in nearly five weeks, and last night I told my boss who I remain in contact with, and who has become a great friend, that I was exhausted. I need a vacation. It’s true that I have conquered and moved mountains since my arrival. Mysteriously and sometimes strange, the things we worry about fall into place one way or another, and we always find the strength to tackle those times when we have no choice but to be strong. Auto-Pilot engages, and only when things slow down do we feel the effects from being strong for so long. For me it was in the form of feeling fatigued and exhausted. I am at that point and this morning I am doing something for myself. I used to love getting up on my day off, enjoy a cup of coffee and write. To let the warm sunlight flood the room and enjoy the quiet. I always thought that I write best in the morning when my mind is fresh and clear, now I don’t know as my mind is constantly occupied. I still enjoy the process and the quiet, and this morning belongs to me.

The weather is getting better and is changing. It’s more springlike and the harsh winter temps hopefully are coming to an end. There is much work that lies ahead, in the house and with everything and I will continue to search for balance. I used to struggle when people who don’t work stated that they don’t have time. I worked full time and somehow had to find a way to make time. Now, I don’t work, I feel a bit as if I don’t have time myself. Truth is, there is time and it’s just a matter of your priorities. I’m with Mom the majority of the day and it’s my choice. Otherwise I would have plenty of extra time as well, but I cannot not be there, after seeing the smile she greets me with these days, and it’s important for both of us that my time is with her.

In closing I’d say that Auto-Pilot is a good thing. It allows our bodies to excel great strengths, and gives us wings when we feel crushed to the ground. I recently made a comment to a wonderful, yet relative new follower. I wish the links would work on this mobile site, so I could quickly tag her. I will have to write it out and hope you stop by her wonderful site and say that Rhapsody sent you. Her site name is fourbrancheshealing.wordpress.com. I have long been interested in holistic healing and a shamanic approach, and she has entered my life at a point of perfect timing and divine intervention. If you have questions or need guidance, you might find your answers here. I believe in the universe and in spirit. I feel I am in touch with both, but would still love to see a shamanic ceremony carried out for me through the eyes of someone else. I truly believe in the synchronicities and that nothing happens by accident. I am grateful for her presence and guidance, and for being a part of my NOW. It’s all we ever have. Anyhow, the comment I quoted to her was that there is something so scary when we are responsible for someone else’s life. When we have to make decision about someone’s fate and further outcomes. But there is also something very gratifying and rewarding when we can make someone’s life just a little easier, and carry the burden for awhile. It’s moments like these that give us the strengths, and make the tough ones worthwhile. By sharing my journey, I can only offer my own advice, my own guidance, and my own experiences. Each journey is unique, and might be completely different than mine. It is my hope that my readers can find bits and pieces that carry them through their own struggles. My advice would be, to listen and trust your heart, it already knows the path. To stay humble and expect nothing. Your biggest moments and gifts are bestowed upon you this way. To be grateful and to not take a moment for granted. Your next breath is not guaranteed, so live it as if it was your last. Wear your Sunday best, take out the good dishes and wear that dress that makes you feel like a million bucks. Don’t save anything for a moment that might never come. Do it now. Be patient and kind to yourself by letting things develop naturally. Nothing can be forced and you will only do harm in trying. Trust the process, you will avoid giving yourself many headaches as well as heartaches. Make sure you say what needs to be said and don’t go to bed angry with things unresolved. Is your conscience clear if you never get the chance to talk again? If you can follow and incorporate some of these things, I believe that you will soar through your challenges with grace and keep your sanity. I promise….💙🦋

Author:

Who am I, and why I write. I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one. I am the one, holding on to the silver lining when the skies are gray. I’m a believer that nothing is coincidence, but that everything has purpose. I’ve made my mistakes, don’t we all, but I see them as growing pains and they are a part of who I am today. I have lost myself in order to find myself, and I still do from time to time, but in a good way. I’m a big child who laughs until my belly hurts when life wants to be serious. Career wise: I’ve been there, done that, and I took “The jump” off the hamster wheel in an effort to change my future. I didn’t land all that soft, but I can say that I’m still proud to have found the courage to do it. Coming full circle, I had it all, and yet I was lonely and had nothing. Today I choose to be a collector of moments and I chase memories, instead of the material stuff. Less is more, and the motto is quality over quantity. You’d be amazed at how freeing it can be. I see myself as a free spirit that believes in an unconventional lifestyle. Somehow I go against the grain most of the times, not to rebel, but because it feels right to stay true to my unique and authentic self. It takes courage, and you often stand alone, but if you dare, you soon realize that it is the only way if you don’t want to lose who you are. Just like most, my past wasn’t easy and I come from a life that didn’t always give me the opportunity to be heard. Few related and even fewer cared to take the time. But that’s the past and it’s history, the future hasn’t happened and the “NOW” is truly all we ever have. In the end we all have a story to tell, and we all seek to be understood. We all yearn to be heard and accepted and still life is hard and our path is full of stumbling blocks. If we can see the lessons in adversity we may realize that the toughest moments are often our greatest teachers. There is a reason for the saying that the stars can’t shine without darkness, and it might be darkness that will show you the light.
It took a series of (un)fortunate events, to learn to glow through the pain, to learn how to dance in the rain. I believe in Magic and wonder, and the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. As an empath this old soul often feels a little too much, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Today, I am here to tell my story because I believe that it can help others. It is my hope to bring inspiration and strengths to you, while showing you that it can be done. I know you are out there, and I know you are suffering in silence. I am here to tell you that you are not alone, and your voice is being heard loud and clear. Hang on and be strong, transformation is yours. 
In light and love....Rhapsody Bohème 💙🦋

25 thoughts on “Auto-Pilot

      1. I know but I have to be ok as well as far as mentally. No sense in forcing something if I can’t stop the thoughts and feel guilty. What I need is body and mind relaxation and I know how to listen to the signs of my body. I will, I promise…😉

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    1. Thank you very much. I’m always optimistic, it’s my nature but I also know it’s tough to start all over again. Ar my age with a certain salary requirement etc. I’m not worried about it right now and like i said, luckily I don’t have to be immediately and planned ahead. 😉 things will always find their way, sometimes I just have to vent and release pressure

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    1. Thank you so much Super D. You are so sweet and I thank you for all your care and kindness. I’m staying optimistic and even here I continue to look for the silver lining and the reason behind it. I enjoyed the people I worked with, but I can’t say it was my dream job. It’s hard work that is not at all helpful to my RA. People always nudge me to do something with my art, photography. Maybe it is an opportunity, I just don’t know what yet. Hugs

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  1. I’ve been watching for gift cards that you might not have. Thinking about you as I sift thru the piles of them. Wishing you were here to get thru this together but know you are needed more there than in the midst of a very chaotic time. So very weary of the when questions and seeing how inconsiderate people are with trashing the store. It will be over before we know it and all will go on to different paths. We have talked about all getting together for coffee, bbqs and such just to stay in touch.

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    1. I miss you White Wizard and I cannot imagine not working with you again. It breaks my heart to hear about everything you all have to deal with and I’m sad for how people behave at times. Please I’m right besides you, always and in spirit I’m always cheering you on. Thank you for trying to add to my collection. You always touch my heart and I miss you. Hang in there, you’re needed and we will always stay in touch. Hugs

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    1. Awe, I’m so glad to read your words and I agree with you. Sometimes auto-pilot protects us as well as we automatically take care of what needs to be done without hesitating and thinking too much. Sending much love and light your way. Hugs

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  2. I have just read this, thank you so much for your wonderfully kind words, what a surprise. I would be honoured to make a shamanic journey for you, should this be your wish. If you would like to contact me via penardun@britishshaman.co.uk we can communicate. I am sorry to hear about your job, especially, as you say, not knowing that it would be the final day as you left for your journey. You remind me of a tree, a beautiful combination of strength and grounding through the trunk and roots with the flexibility and vulnerability of swaying leaves and branches. You are strong and light together, my friend. x

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    1. Awe, thank you so so very much. You are too kind and I would love to contact you. I will do shortly I hope as I don’t always have WiFi and it’s difficult at times, but I would love to take you up on your offer and believe there are answers for me.
      I’m touched by your words of reminding you about a tree. I have always loved trees and it’s so funny you said this as one of my favorite quotes is about a tree. “Wings to show you what you can become. Roots to remind you where you are from.” I’ve always related to it and think it is the essence of my being. Thank you very much for taking the time as always. You’re the best and I’ll be in touch soon. Hugs

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I so love your quote about the tree, my practice name is Ashen and the ash tree seeds have wings! I think this saying will stay with me. Thank you. x

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