Posted in Life, Mom

A break from the demons

It’s been over a week since Mom was released from the hospital the second time around. Her breathing is much better, and her appetite has returned which makes eating a much easier task. In other news, Mom is still in bed 24/7, unable to walk, but her muscle pain is getting less and less. She managed to turn by herself, although somebody stops by to turn her every 1 1/2 hours to avoid more pressure sores from staying on the same spot for too long. I’ve noticed that Mom looks at peace now and her face has softened as if the storm clouds disappeared. Her gaze is loving and appreciative, and although she still struggles to verbalize her emotions, there is a silent understanding between us that doesn’t require words. Her smile says it all when she sees me, and won’t allow her to hide anything. I have no trouble staying all day, next to her bed, passing time with her. Even if she sleeps, and I sit here and watch. She knows I’m here and it is all that matters. I know it might be hard to understand for some that I stay hours and hours at a time, and today I felt a little like “Hachi”. He was a famous, loyal Shiba Inu, that kept waiting and returning back to his owner in Japan. I’m not sure why I referenced myself to this dog, other than it being my favorite breed and the loyalty of such. I think I have definitely proven my loyalty to Mom by being here, not that this was ever a point that needed to be made. Actually, I take that last statement back, and perhaps it was exactly what Mom needed to see. In her mind, and with me leaving her behind (according to her statement), I’m sure she must have thought that she was never the priority, that I always choose others before her. Being here now and leaving my life as I knew it behind, might have proven otherwise to her, and was just what she needed.

I watched Mom sleep the other day and for the first time she appeared at peace. No twitching, no whining and moaning, she simply looked restful and quiet. It felt like a break from the demons that seemed to haunt her over all these years.

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Author:

Who am I, and why I write. I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one. I am the one, holding on to the silver lining when the skies are gray. I’m a believer that nothing is coincidence, but that everything has purpose. I’ve made my mistakes, don’t we all, but I see them as growing pains and they are a part of who I am today. I have lost myself in order to find myself, and I still do from time to time, but in a good way. I’m a big child who laughs until my belly hurts when life wants to be serious. Career wise: I’ve been there, done that, and I took “The jump” off the hamster wheel in an effort to change my future. I didn’t land all that soft, but I can say that I’m still proud to have found the courage to do it. Coming full circle, I had it all, and yet I was lonely and had nothing. Today I choose to be a collector of moments and I chase memories, instead of the material stuff. Less is more, and the motto is quality over quantity. You’d be amazed at how freeing it can be. I see myself as a free spirit that believes in an unconventional lifestyle. Somehow I go against the grain most of the times, not to rebel, but because it feels right to stay true to my unique and authentic self. It takes courage, and you often stand alone, but if you dare, you soon realize that it is the only way if you don’t want to lose who you are. Just like most, my past wasn’t easy and I come from a life that didn’t always give me the opportunity to be heard. Few related and even fewer cared to take the time. But that’s the past and it’s history, the future hasn’t happened and the “NOW” is truly all we ever have. In the end we all have a story to tell, and we all seek to be understood. We all yearn to be heard and accepted and still life is hard and our path is full of stumbling blocks. If we can see the lessons in adversity we may realize that the toughest moments are often our greatest teachers. There is a reason for the saying that the stars can’t shine without darkness, and it might be darkness that will show you the light.
It took a series of (un)fortunate events, to learn to glow through the pain, to learn how to dance in the rain. I believe in Magic and wonder, and the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. As an empath this old soul often feels a little too much, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Today, I am here to tell my story because I believe that it can help others. It is my hope to bring inspiration and strengths to you, while showing you that it can be done. I know you are out there, and I know you are suffering in silence. I am here to tell you that you are not alone, and your voice is being heard loud and clear. Hang on and be strong, transformation is yours. 
In light and love....Rhapsody Bohème 💙🦋

13 thoughts on “A break from the demons

  1. What a beautiful post. I completely understand spending the time with her. I did the same many times with my Mom. I think there is great comfort for her in knowing that when she wakes that you will be there smiling at her. ♥

    Liked by 1 person

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