Posted in Inspiration, Spirit animals

Heron Spirit Animal

While sitting at the river, watching the white waters swirl around the rock, a Heron flew past me and carried a message for my journey. Once again I find it intriguing and absolutely astonishing, of how these signs appear at what seems to be perfect timing. Ready for the next step, to receive a new message, another piece of guidance falls into place, and the teacher once more speaks to a student that is ready to see. Something out of the ordinary always finds it’s way into my world, while making me pause and consider what advice is to be considered.

And here is what this beautiful bird had to say while passing by.

You’ve approached the opportunity before you at a leisurely pace, but now it’s time to grab it and go for it with gusto. By meeting this challenging situation head-on, you’ll discover that you have some powerful gifts and skills that you are unaware of. If one way isn’t working, try another; and don’t get stuck in any single approach. Spend a day or two with no plans or agenda, guided only by your intuition – whether a day of activity, quiet reflection, or a combination. Take full responsibility for your thoughts, feelings, and actions, rather than blaming others or life circumstances. ~description taken from Dr. Steven Farmer.

With Germany around the corner, I say…”It is time”.

Sadly I didn’t get to photograph the Heron flying by, but this beautiful blooming tree was in the same spot.

Posted in Adventure

“Fern” Follow-up

The time is nearing for “Fern” and me to take the journey to Germany. It warms my heart to see that “Fern” was so well received by you, and that you enjoyed the idea of doing a variety of posts called “The bus stops right here” to document the journey and to introduce you to my home.

Next week is my last full week before Germany and I only work six more days until then. I thought of doing a little trial run and take “Fern” with me on a hike here before he hits german soil. What do you think?

Posted in Mother nature

The Great Octopus Race

I took this picture the other day of these unusual tree trunks and exposed roots that are still holding on. I can’t say that they are holding on to life as the trees have long died, but their roots are still holding Anker to the soil. It actually looks a little creepy to me, and as if giant octopus’s are racing ashore from the depths of the sea.

Oh come on, you know you see it too 😉. This is another one of those things where I need you to confirm that I’m not the only one seeing things. Haha…have I gone mad already?

Posted in Inspiration

Goodbye Mr. Crabby

I feel like I have ranted a lot on here lately. It’s no secret that the last few weeks have been tough for me, and provided several challenges. Finally, many moons later I’m tired of talking about the things that have weighed me down. I have resisted, found myself pleading, I have feared, and found myself emotionally unstable, which left me in tears. I have gone through the motions of life stretching and pulling me and I don’t want to feel like this anymore, although life might be far from being done with me. I’m not the type that stays down for long, and the dark moments of life have taught me to be a warrior. I fought for as long as I remember, and this time I’m fighting for my freedom and my peace of mind. I try to achieve such by doing the right thing for Mom, and my family who is involved in carrying the responsibility and weight. On top of it, I’m doing myself a favor and most likely be healthier, maybe even in less pain, both physically and mentally, if I can pull it off.

I want to believe that there has been a shift in my mind, and that the crabby days are lessening. I’m finally stopping to fight what is happening, I’m accepting what life has thrown my way, and the sunshine has returned. I surrender and let it all be, without resistance. Maybe it is because I got to ground with the earth yesterday, and all negativity has escaped my body. I can finally see the challenges as opportunities, as a fork in the road, and I realize that sometimes a new path is scary and frightening. It’s normal to feel that way and experience anxiety about the unknown. I forgive myself and remind myself that I am human, which is equally important. It’s not a crutch or excuse, but it has been a part of the learning process throughout my life.

I know that the road will be bumpy of what lies ahead, and I know that I will have my moments, but for now I will do my best to take care of my heart, my soul, and those who are closest to me. That includes you. This blog has been a great outlet for the vulnerable moments, and although they are a part of my journey and have their place, I would like to let them rest, the best I can for now. It’s not what I want this blog to be, and I want it to remain a place of inspiration and adventure. Where my art and photography can thrive and where I can reassure you that the best moments of our lives always have something a little wild about them. Where I can encourage you to take that leap of faith and reassure you how special you are and that you will always be enough.

I feel much of what I have written about the journey ahead is speculation and reactive to an action from Mom. I never actually got to talk to her, but once since November, and most of what I said stemmed from fear and frustration. I don’t have a clear picture, although my intuition is usually spot on, but I won’t know for certain until I’m there, until I’m face to face with Mom and assess her current situation. Maybe, just maybe I could be pleasantly surprised and there is always that shimmer of hope that will never seize to run through my veins. I like it that way despite the disappointments that can come with it. I’m a dreamer and I’m not the only one…

So for now, I wave Goodbye to Mr. Crabby and wish him farewell. Thanks for the lessons, but be on your way because happier content is loading shortly….

Posted in History

The tiny Firehouse

This tiny Firehouse is dating back to 1908 and is located in Johnsville CA. The tiny firehouse is located in a state park called Plumas Eureka and is heavily wooded. I have driven by it a few times and always make it a point to look for it on the side of the road. This time I stopped, and took a photographic memory. I can’t help but wonder what it was like to fight a raging Forrest fire back then with the help of this tiny firehouse that is perhaps still housing the old equipment, and perhaps even one old fire engine. The odds of winning and controlling a fire had to be very slim back in those days.

Posted in music

Still at it

I’m still at it, trying to learn how to play this unique percussion instrument called the didgeridoo. The circular breathing is a bit of a trick but essential to make the continued sound. I can’t wait to play a little something for you all. 😉

Posted in Family, Life

Love wins in the end

It was Valentine’s Day yesterday and I spent it alone. The day was filled with chores and preparations for Germany. I tried to call Mom for what must have been at least 30 minutes….no answer, and she is back to locking herself into her apartment. She got into a fight with her nurse that tends to her feet and I hope that by now she has forgotten about it and that she will open the door again and let her back in to care for her. One of my highlights was face timing with my cousin and nieces and it will be nice to spend time together once I get there. I mentioned potentially getting a pass to go swimming and I already got one little fan on board to accompany me when the time comes. 😉 I think it could help with the RA, solve the hot water, shower issue, but other things such as transportation etc, will have to fall into place first.

Today also brought frustrating moments such as fighting with the insurance for two hours straight. My goal was to set up an auto pay for my health benefits premiums since I won’t be here and have no paycheck for it to be automatically deducted as usual. After two hours and being transferred four times, I’m back to square one and nothing got resolved. Further I cancelled all my doctors appointments, besides the tooth fairy which I could reschedule for next Monday 8AM. Too early for me, but the only choice I had. I backed and synced music (important), freed up memory space in case I take pictures with the Canon, researched amazon for last minute things I need such as an converter plug and a guitar tuner. I will miss my ukulele, but I have an acoustic guitar in Germany, and maybe I can finally learn how to play it. And then there was the income tax return fiasco and trying to get everything done, which I didn’t and which I will have to revisit. Today was a mixed bag with successes and drawbacks, but overall I feel that I did accomplish some things.

The emotions ran a bit rampant throughout the day, perhaps because of Valentine’s Day and the day progressed not exactly how I would have wanted to spend it. So while there a strong moments powering through the tasks, there are also vulnerable ones which hurt a lot right now. I’m hanging in there the best I can, and my outlook and point of view changes with every day it seems. Even with Mom, have I gone through all kinds of emotions it seems. I have been frustrated with her stubbornness and sometimes selfish views, I even got downright angry at her and couldn’t understand. In the end the harsh feelings always pass, and it is always love that wins. Love hurts right now and sometimes it feels better to be angry and suppress the feelings, but today it all vanished. The anger and frustration left and I was confronted with the ugliness this has caused. I felt sad, perhaps even ashamed of myself for feeling this way, for getting angry at her. I know that I should have every right to be upset at her and yet what would it ever solve. If she can’t be the adult about this, I will have to be. In Germany we have a saying that the wiser person gives in. In other the wiser person doesn’t have to prove a point, they know it and so does the other person. Words become silent in a silent understanding and it’s enough.

Before coming to this conclusion, I experienced moments of numbness and acceptance for how things are. For that we will never have the relationship that I chased and hoped to have with her for all my life. There are times I’m coming to terms with it and I’m accepting this as my new truths, and then there are other times when it feels like it’s ripping my heart out. I feel like a rag doll at times, never knowing when a moment of sadness and pain strikes next. I don’t like it, but what I do know, is that I shouldn’t overthink things. To let them develop, as perhaps some things may never come to fruition. Maybe she will completely change, and although it’s highly unlikely, one should never give up hope. In this case it’s a vicious cycle. I feel the outcome so clearly as if I already seen it through a crystal ball. I know what is going to happen and I’m summoning the reserves and the strengths tarot already has forecasted in a prior reading. I need to dig deep and I will be ok. Nothing worthwhile is ever easy and the things that change us and make us better people. are most always painful experiences. This one is without a doubt my biggest challenge yet and I better get my butterfly wings when it’s all said and done. It’s up to me, and I have to remember that horns never looked good on me. Sorry, humor is something I have always used to pull myself out of the funk, and even here, as serious as this is, I still look for a way to make light of the situation. You have to, and it’s essential for your sanity I think.

I came across a new vinyl tablecloth for Mom. It’s full of hearts and a typical Valentine’s design. I thought it was perfect for her, for I would surely tell her that going forward there would be nothing but love in this house and this tablecloth would be a reminder to seize all the fights and resistance. As if it would magically make her surrender and allow me to help her. As if all of a sudden I would be accepted as her daughter and I would be worth something to her. As if she could love me and be proud of me. What a nonsense, but for a moment it was a beautiful thought and I rode that train for as long as I could. I will still take the tablecloth with me, but there is no-more telling of anything, no statement, no saying how things will be, nor will there be any expectations. If she likes it and it can bring her joy, then it’s a win for me and it shall make me happy. We will see in two short weeks. Until then…Happy Valentine’s Day Mom. You’re loved…♥️

Posted in Europe, Photography

The original Fairytale

This picture was taken last year during my stay in Germany and is Neuschwanstein Castle. It was even more crowded than I remembered and we opted to skip the tour due to long waiting periods. Neuschwanstein Castle was the creation of King Ludwig and has been the inspiration for the Disney Castle.