Posted in Inspiration

Goodbye Mr. Crabby

I feel like I have ranted a lot on here lately. It’s no secret that the last few weeks have been tough for me, and provided several challenges. Finally, many moons later I’m tired of talking about the things that have weighed me down. I have resisted, found myself pleading, I have feared, and found myself emotionally unstable, which left me in tears. I have gone through the motions of life stretching and pulling me and I don’t want to feel like this anymore, although life might be far from being done with me. I’m not the type that stays down for long, and the dark moments of life have taught me to be a warrior. I fought for as long as I remember, and this time I’m fighting for my freedom and my peace of mind. I try to achieve such by doing the right thing for Mom, and my family who is involved in carrying the responsibility and weight. On top of it, I’m doing myself a favor and most likely be healthier, maybe even in less pain, both physically and mentally, if I can pull it off.

I want to believe that there has been a shift in my mind, and that the crabby days are lessening. I’m finally stopping to fight what is happening, I’m accepting what life has thrown my way, and the sunshine has returned. I surrender and let it all be, without resistance. Maybe it is because I got to ground with the earth yesterday, and all negativity has escaped my body. I can finally see the challenges as opportunities, as a fork in the road, and I realize that sometimes a new path is scary and frightening. It’s normal to feel that way and experience anxiety about the unknown. I forgive myself and remind myself that I am human, which is equally important. It’s not a crutch or excuse, but it has been a part of the learning process throughout my life.

I know that the road will be bumpy of what lies ahead, and I know that I will have my moments, but for now I will do my best to take care of my heart, my soul, and those who are closest to me. That includes you. This blog has been a great outlet for the vulnerable moments, and although they are a part of my journey and have their place, I would like to let them rest, the best I can for now. It’s not what I want this blog to be, and I want it to remain a place of inspiration and adventure. Where my art and photography can thrive and where I can reassure you that the best moments of our lives always have something a little wild about them. Where I can encourage you to take that leap of faith and reassure you how special you are and that you will always be enough.

I feel much of what I have written about the journey ahead is speculation and reactive to an action from Mom. I never actually got to talk to her, but once since November, and most of what I said stemmed from fear and frustration. I don’t have a clear picture, although my intuition is usually spot on, but I won’t know for certain until I’m there, until I’m face to face with Mom and assess her current situation. Maybe, just maybe I could be pleasantly surprised and there is always that shimmer of hope that will never seize to run through my veins. I like it that way despite the disappointments that can come with it. I’m a dreamer and I’m not the only one…

So for now, I wave Goodbye to Mr. Crabby and wish him farewell. Thanks for the lessons, but be on your way because happier content is loading shortly….

Author:

We are the co-creators of our life and the time is now. More than ever are we needed to support Mother Earth and each other. Together we discover and explore our unique gifts in times of strengths, in times we lean on each other, and in times when we learn from each other. This blog started as an outlet and what I ultimately called my “Warriors Journey.” It was a way to document the ups and downs of my life, sharing my hardships as well as my successes. It showcased the struggles, but more important the ways of how to overcome them. Although we are warriors each and every day, I realized that having to be a warrior, comes from a place of pain. I decided to rename this blog, and “Phoenix Rising” now stands for the story of overcoming such a painful place. My motivation for this blog hasn’t changed and I hope to share inspiration and hope, to create a sense of belonging, a space of being heard, and connecting with like minded beings who instill a sense of oneness. We are never alone, and we are unstoppable in the pursuit of what sets our soul on fire. Who I am in a nutshell... 
I am an energy healer and Reiki Master. I am surviving a chronic disease that I’ve sent into remission three times since my initial bout, 15 years ago. I continuously challenge the status quo and by doing so I change my stars. I am a believer that anything is possible. I am a hopeless romantic and I believe that true love exists on various levels. I am an optimist that will always see the glass as half full. I am a dreamer, believing in endless possibilities. Not even the sky is the limit. I have jumped off of the hamster wheel, and I am writing a new chapter. I am chasing my Nirvana to support my most authentic self. This is my story, I am that Phoenix and I am rising from the ashes. Namaste 🙏🏼💙🦋

24 thoughts on “Goodbye Mr. Crabby

  1. Good to hear, that you got grounded in the nature, Rhapsody. Remember this, when you need grounding in Germany, just outside and touch the ground so directly as possible and maybe also hug some trees on the way. It is so helpful to find grounding, when life overwhelm us.
    Send you hugs and love ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I couldn’t agree more Irene. Nature is always healing for me, I usually share it though and don’t have to explore alone. Sometimes I don’t trust myself that much with the RA and I have been stalked before. So it never gets that totally relaxing for me when I’m alone as the senses are always up and aware.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Sometimes a local park or little forest can do the magic, Rhapsody. You don’t always need to get far away, while you alone out. I hear you clearly, I have often wondered, what to do, if fx my dog Odin got a bite from at snake in one of our walks. He weighs about 80-90 pounds, so not so easy to carry several kilometer home. I rarely walk without him, when I walk in the nature, so I never feel alone out.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. You have always struck me as a strong woman with an attitude of positivity. I have always admired that about you. I won’t inundate you with positive messages you have probably already heard, but I’d love to reiterate what you were discussing above – acceptance. There is true power in accepting a situation as it is.
    If I were with you, my friend, I would offer a hug and a hand of support.
    I know you’ll come through…you are a great person.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. That was such a sweet thing to say my princess and I value and appreciate your input. It truly means a lot. I would say that I’m still here and always will be. I’m just taking a little break before I will need to dip into my reserves and can’t back out. Once I arrive in Germany, there won’t be any stopping and no breaks are waiting to be taken.
      Acceptance is key and reduces the struggle for sure. I will remember and have already embraced what must happen and what lies ahead. We might be her together, but I feel you with me and I know that your support is giving me strengths. Thank you for being there and thank you for being you, wonderful, amazing YOU. Hugs 💙🦋

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Your transparency is what makes this blog a place of inspiration and encouragement. A warrior is happy everyday, but they fight and fight and fight! To victory is had! you just taught us how to fight with thoughts and situations, until we wrap our minds around them and shift through the thoughts that are not empowering nor lead to freedom. kudos for your courage to fight. You are the wonder woman the movies didn’t cover. thank you for being uniquely you: A Warrior that happens to be human!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Your comment touched my heart in ways you can’t imagine, and I felt connected to you and your words. They made a difference for me and helped me pick up my strengths yet again to fight another day. I believe this one will have no victory for either party and I might not even fight to win. It will be a different kind of fight and I’m fighting to make a difference for Mom, win or lose for me, it doesn’t matter as long as I can save the life of another. Saving her may cost me the loss of her acknowledging me as her daughter and it will a tough road to travel. Yet I have to do it for her even if she doesn’t see it.
      I will keep your comment close to my heart where I can re-read it whenever I need a little inspiration and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Much love and light to you my dear friend. 🦋💙

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Rhapsody I am in wonderment and we are connected. I feasted off you and your spirit resonated through me. I speak of the unknown that we allow to happen in the natural. Thank you for your generous response. much love and appreciation.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. It doesn’t seem like it now, but you are on the right course. The images you capture, the observations in your blog. The love you have for your mom. And the health stuff you deal with – all come from “life”. Life was never meant to be easy or we would never experience true joy -in the absence of suffering. When you persevere through the suffering, it makes you stronger. More compassionate. More humble.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I think you are absolutely right and everyone can win during the good times. It’s the challenges that shape us and present us with a crossroads of whether we rise above or let them define us. Life happens to all of us and no one is exempt. I am grateful if I can somehow convey this journey of growth here in this blog where it might help others who struggle and need something to hold on to.
      Thank you so much for your kind words. They mean everything, especially now. Xo

      Like

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