I feel like I have ranted a lot on here lately. It’s no secret that the last few weeks have been tough for me, and provided several challenges. Finally, many moons later I’m tired of talking about the things that have weighed me down. I have resisted, found myself pleading, I have feared, and found myself emotionally unstable, which left me in tears. I have gone through the motions of life stretching and pulling me and I don’t want to feel like this anymore, although life might be far from being done with me. I’m not the type that stays down for long, and the dark moments of life have taught me to be a warrior. I fought for as long as I remember, and this time I’m fighting for my freedom and my peace of mind. I try to achieve such by doing the right thing for Mom, and my family who is involved in carrying the responsibility and weight. On top of it, I’m doing myself a favor and most likely be healthier, maybe even in less pain, both physically and mentally, if I can pull it off.
I want to believe that there has been a shift in my mind, and that the crabby days are lessening. I’m finally stopping to fight what is happening, I’m accepting what life has thrown my way, and the sunshine has returned. I surrender and let it all be, without resistance. Maybe it is because I got to ground with the earth yesterday, and all negativity has escaped my body. I can finally see the challenges as opportunities, as a fork in the road, and I realize that sometimes a new path is scary and frightening. It’s normal to feel that way and experience anxiety about the unknown. I forgive myself and remind myself that I am human, which is equally important. It’s not a crutch or excuse, but it has been a part of the learning process throughout my life.
I know that the road will be bumpy of what lies ahead, and I know that I will have my moments, but for now I will do my best to take care of my heart, my soul, and those who are closest to me. That includes you. This blog has been a great outlet for the vulnerable moments, and although they are a part of my journey and have their place, I would like to let them rest, the best I can for now. It’s not what I want this blog to be, and I want it to remain a place of inspiration and adventure. Where my art and photography can thrive and where I can reassure you that the best moments of our lives always have something a little wild about them. Where I can encourage you to take that leap of faith and reassure you how special you are and that you will always be enough.
I feel much of what I have written about the journey ahead is speculation and reactive to an action from Mom. I never actually got to talk to her, but once since November, and most of what I said stemmed from fear and frustration. I don’t have a clear picture, although my intuition is usually spot on, but I won’t know for certain until I’m there, until I’m face to face with Mom and assess her current situation. Maybe, just maybe I could be pleasantly surprised and there is always that shimmer of hope that will never seize to run through my veins. I like it that way despite the disappointments that can come with it. I’m a dreamer and I’m not the only one…
So for now, I wave Goodbye to Mr. Crabby and wish him farewell. Thanks for the lessons, but be on your way because happier content is loading shortly….