Some of the wild horses came to town today and I was allowed within a few feet and closer as seen in this picture. 💙
Some of the wild horses came to town today and I was allowed within a few feet and closer as seen in this picture. 💙
The storms have passed today, both outside and within myself. There will always be darkness that surrounds us, and such is life. It is during those times that we need to remember that it is merely a bend in the road, but never the end. For now, perspective has returned and today I choose to see light at the end of the tunnel. I remember that in order to stand in the light and to enjoy its warmth’s, we have to encounter darkness and cold to recognize and appreciate it’s worth. 🦋❤️
I’m not going to write about Mom much, although she has been on my mind nonstop. I will say that things have been tough the last few days. I still have not talked to her and I feel mentally exhausted and drained. I have to get out of this funk and it’s a place that doesn’t have anything good for me. It’s a black hole that brings painful emotions and struggle.
If I believe my own advice and trust my intuition, then I know that I am exactly where I need to be. Regardless of how tough the situation might be, how stretched I feel and how much I struggle, tonight I remember that change is always upon us, and that we only struggle if we resist. Actually, it was my friend Dominique who wrote Buddha’s quote in her post and reminded me of this powerful belief. There is a reason as to why I’m here and why I’m facing the dark. Maybe it only appears that way because of how I perceived it, because everything and life as I know it is changing. It brings a certain discomfort about the unknown and I have to trust that everything will be ok. Perhaps more than just ok. Maybe it is something that I have to cross in order to let my soul stand in eternal light. It is a test, the test of my life and I shall choose wildly to make it worthwhile. Yes wildly…
If I believe in my own spiritual guidance, I have to remember what I said in a prior post and about the meaning that life always provides. The signs are here and yesterday morning one came to find me from the animal spirit world.
It was early morning and I was getting ready for work. I felt tired after a restless night, and I had woken on several occasions in panic. I was making coffee as the ruckus outside started and it was not hard to figure out that it was a crow. I knew their distinctive calls and it wasn’t anything too unusual since many birds can be seen around my neighborhood. What was unusual was that the screeching noise continued, as if it was upset about something. I opened the curtains and saw a big black Raven sitting on the power lines right in front of me. Nothing less around, just one Raven with no apparent reason to be upset. I stood and stared for awhile as we made eye contact and the noise eventually stopped. He held my stare and I felt as if the Raven had came to pay a visit and the screeching was to get my attention. I later researched the potential meaning of my visitor and found this description from Dr. Steven Farmer.
You’re on the verge of manifesting something you’ve been working towards for a while. Be very watchful over the next couple of days for any clear omens or signs that will guide you and teach you. Expect a big change very soon. You’ve noticed something that’s out of balance or an injustice that hasn’t been addressed and it’s important to speak up about it. You’re about to get a glimpse into some future event that affects you directly. Magic is in the air, and something special is about to happen. Pay attention to your dreams and visions, especially colorful and powerful ones, as they are indicative of prophecy. In any undertaking or in any relationship, be very clear as to what your intentions are, because whatever they are, that’s what will manifest. Your gradually shape-shifting to a more confident, powerful, and spiritually-based you that will continue to emerge the more you let go of your old self. You’ll observe an increasing number of synchronistic events over the next few days, so just notice these, appreciate them, and don’t try to figure them out.
I recently commented to someone that I feel that my life and I have to die in order to be reborn. The old has to make way for the new and Raven spirit reminded me of such. A pretty incredible message I’d say and what is even more amazing is this little sample of one of my paintings. I experimented with multi media which I actually do often. I immediately recalled the Raven after my spirit visit and that painting now, has even more meaning to me. I could have painted or chosen any animal, but a Raven found it’s final place. Why….Perhaps a message in the making, perhaps a message that has reached it’s rightful time.
I’m off today and I want to write, but the words don’t come and there is a restlessness inside of me. I have anxiety and can’t quiet the storm inside of me. I feel like sleeping it off while the winds howl outside and snow is on the way. I’m exhausted.
Mom is home from the hospital and I talked to my cousin today. The one comforting thing to learn was that a nurse has to come by every day to check on her feet. I tried to call, Mom didn’t answer and I’m preparing for the worst. Not just about her future but also about the visit from my girlfriend while Mom was still in the hospital. Angie tried to offer a different view by talking to Mom, trying to help find a solution. Of course Mom didn’t allow for such and I’m sure she will have something to say about it to me for sending such a visitor. I’m sure just like everything else, it will be my fault and a proper scolding will follow. I was almost relieved she didn’t answer the phone and what a sad thing it is to be 50+ years old, with the fear of talking to Mom. The times I’ve tried were never good and I have little hope this time will be different.
I’m tired about talking about Mom. It is what it is and I feel I have talked about it enough for one day. It leaves me exhausted, with a headache and with my heart in a vice. I will try my best to distract myself and hope the words to write will return later on today to catch up.
Picture taken from Pinterest and one of the rare occasions of not presenting my own photography.
I’ve been looking at pictures that I previously shot to get a sense of calm, but it’s not working and instead I took some aspirin. The words fail me tonight as I schedule this post for tomorrow morning. Mom will be at home by then, after refusing rehabilitation and being unable to walk. Plus she doesn’t need a walker, even though she fell prior to losing her big toe. The wound is not even healed and she won’t elevate her foot once at home, it’s impossible to stay calm and not worry. I already hate the feeling and trust me that I use the word hate very seldom. I believe it’s a very strong word and I would much rather say that I greatly dislike something, instead of hating it, but I’m past the point of dislike and maybe despise is a closer fit. She needs help and I will be there, but her inconsideration and placing worry upon everybody else for selfish and stubborn reasons is really something else. She has been independent for decades and so have I….what or who is going to give here? I know the answer, I just pray for strengths to tolerate her uncompromising and my way or the highway attitude. Geeee….
This picture was from a prior fall and reminds me of two seasons captured in one photograph. While The Valley was lit up with fall colors, the mountain tops where already covered in a cool blanket of white. I’ve seen this several times now and the stark contrast always makes for cool pictures. I hope you enjoy the view. Xoxoxo 🦋💙
With little time to write, I do believe in Magic and I am revisiting a favorite quote for this scheduled post tomorrow morning. Tonight I will keep it short and would rather use the little time I have to visit your blogs and answer your comments. Thank you for your continued support and your regular visits, stopping by my world. It’s been a hell of a day, but despite to what happens, I will always believe…
I’m not sure what magic I’m currently hoping for, but things are moving relatively quick. My mind seems to be working overtime, trying to come to terms with many serious and life changing subjects.
Most likely Mom will come home this week, after continuing to refuse time to rehabilitate and learn to walk again. I’m preparing for more bad news when it comes to that subject.
The RA has been sneaking back in and the pain has gradually increased. I’m not sure if it is because of several storms that we had, or if things are naturally worsen again. The steroids and the pill version of the injections, might have held it at bay for some extent, and with the drugs worn off, it all is slowly coming back. Everything is feeling more tense and I’m the least bit surprised. One can only do so much with that kind of stress in their life. I still have not taken the injections, but the nagging, daily pain is increasing and I honestly don’t know what the future will hold. I do know what needs to be done to alleviate the symptoms and the cause, but I’m not sure that Germany and Mom fits into that picture.
Further everything is pretty much the same and I keep plugging away at the things I can impact at the moment, while trying to find some balance and be good to myself. Tonight I’m remembering a quote about magic and I haven’t met a soul before who said that they don’t have any use for magic. So here it goes and I love this one.
“Magic happens when you don’t give up, even though you want to. The universe always falls in love with a stubborn heart” ~JmStorm
I recently wrote about these little critters and how I got to see them for the first time at Cottonwood Lakes. I have seen many since that day and they are always a welcome sight. Any wildlife encountered truly makes my day and I love that little things like that can have such a big meaning to me. I’ve had neat experiences with many of the animals as they never seem to be threatened by me and stay within close proximity as if I was one of their own. Connected by spirit and a calm vibe that doesn’t require fear, is what I always think. Do you have similar experiences and do animals just flock to you? I would love to hear your story.
Have a beautiful day everyone 💙🦋
I’m a goofball by nature and I love to laugh. Count me in if there is silly humor to be found and don’t be surprised if someone refers to me as a big kid. I know that I inherited the humor from my Dad’s side, and to this day something kicks in whenever I feel sad emotions creep up. I usually can combat them by trying to cheer myself up. Any which way I can, I will try to pull myself out of the funk because I don’t like to feel down. I don’t like to fight and I don’t like to go to bed mad, with issues unresolved. I don’t feel at peace that way and I can count on it to wake up in the same manner. I like things to be resolved and I don’t like to hold on to negative energy. I like to let it pass through me instead of harboring it. Sometimes it helps and I manage to save myself, other times I crumble and the load is to heavy to be dismissed. It’s seldom, but it happens. Last night was such a moment and I needed a release. There was not one thing particular, but the overall burden that caught up with me and I fell asleep in tears. I woke the same way and shortly afterwards was right back wanting to cry. I had no time and got called into work early. I had to swallow my feelings. Later at work, I cried again, learning about the passing of Ryder, a Shiba Inu that I had closed into my heart. I hurt to learn about the news, for Ryder and for his humans that have to cope without him. I’m so sensitive to animals being hurt and passing, I struggle to see them on the side of the road as roadkill. My heart sinks and I feel sick to my core. There are times I would gladly lose anything just to help and change the faith of an animal. But this is not at all what this post was meant to be.
Life is tough and shit happens. Sorry for the language, but sometimes you just can’t call it anything else. What I meant to write about is that I think the world needs more laughter, and we need to take every change we can to find it and to laugh from the heart. This is where my goofball nature comes in and prevails most of the time. I like to laugh and I enjoy making others laugh. I think we had a good laugh and plain clean fun with my recent “All eyes on me” post where the pansies were staring back at me. Luckily many of you saw the same thing and even thought it was Ewoks staring back. Thank you for restoring my believe that I haven’t gone insane. Yet. Muahahahhahahahaaaaa, but I made a commitment to myself and to you that I would not only share my journey, my photography and inspirational pieces, but also bring more laughter to this blog in the hopes to make you smile. So here it goes, what better way to start the week and this Monday off as with a little humor….but be forewarned as I’m seeing things again.
On the lines of Ewoks and Star Wars you might know the “caretakers” and “Porgs” from the last movie. Personally, (remember that I like silly humor) they were my favorites and made me laugh out loud. I loved the scenes with the Porgs and the caretakers, so it shouldn’t surprise you that I got a stuffed Porg for Christmas. It’s actually a dog toy, but who cares? I actually would have to fight the dog for that toy and I would put my own scent on in to mark it as mine. Don’t ask where that came from, I actually don’t know and don’t want to further contemplate on how exactly I would do just that. Back to the story. I love to rub the Porgs belly since there is some sort of parchment paper underneath the fur and it makes the comforting sound of rice paper for me.??????? Another unexplained phenomenon, I’m not sure if it triggers some kind of memory or where it comes from and why.
I decided to bring the Porg along for a hike the other day. En Route to the destination, I sat him onto the dashboard in the Jeep. Every once in awhile I’d grab him and rub his belly to make the comforting sound. Instead of being happy that the little Porg got to go for a ride, he seemed rather ungrateful. No matter how I situated him on the dashboard and what I did, why did he always appeared to be giving me the finger? You see it right? Come on, you can’t leave me hanging now, you stuck with me through the pansies, you surely must see the Porg flipping me off. As of now, his future is uncertain and he is under house arrest if he can’t behave in public.
I might have posted this once before, but today I find it relevant to all of us and I’m sure we each can take a piece away from it. Even if we pick just one line and focus on it, let’s say for this upcoming week, we will have made a difference for ourselves and those around us.
I wanted to say thank you for the warm outpouring of comments and for the support you have given me over the past few days, dealing with the events of Mom. I know that I have to do this alone and that nobody can do it for me, yet I feel empowered because of your love and I know that I’m not alone because of you. Your love and kindness has strengthened my own desire to step up my own game of paying it forward even more. It really is a beautiful thing and together we make the world a warm and kind place. It’s essential and stirs at the very core of compassion, support, love, help and kindness for one another. Something we should always have, and I’m grateful for you and for your support and the care that makes all the difference.
Much love and light and a warm thank you. Wishing you a beautiful Sunday as I head out to work. Xoxoxo 💙🦋