Posted in Inspiration

Life provides

There is a saying amongst thru hikers that the trail provides. That no matter what is needed, the trail will find a way to supply you at your time of need. It’s the simple things, the subtle gifts that might come in the form of a cave to provide shelter to keep you dry and out of the rain. Maybe you find a left behind, no longer needed pair of sneakers at a hut, and you have been in dire straits with your duct taped shoes to make it to the next town. What are chances that they happen to be your exact size? It’s actually a true story and it has happened to my friend Kyle, an avid thru hiker and author of two of my favorite books. Please click onto the link to follow his blog and the adventures of hiking the Appalachian trail and the PCT. He and his girlfriend Jessica will go for their triple crown later this year by hiking the CDT. Hopefully Katana, a feisty Shiba Inu will be able to complete the challenge and earn her triple crown as well.

The recent events with Mom have left me seriously pondering many things lately. I’m coming to terms with feelings that have haunted me for decades and perhaps have contributed to the RA. I don’t doubt that stress plays a huge part in all of it. All the seriousness of the current moments and a talk with my girlfriend Angie, have helped me zero in and really contemplate the future. I know what needs to be done, but I still can’t see a good outcome if Mom is not willing to change her ways. I am an adult and I’m no longer that ten year old child that doesn’t know anything. Just like Mom has been independent for the past 40 some years, so have I for the past 30 some years. It’s going to take a shared commitment and effort if things are to work out, otherwise it won’t. I believe that we all have to find our own way in life and that nobody is responsible for the life of someone else, or their decisions. Mom seems to believe that it is my duty and responsibility to give up my life to come home and care for her. And I do want to help, but not because it is my turn now, and my obligation to care for her since she cared for me as a child. I was a child, it’s normal to care for your child. I’m not sure if and how long I can if there is no regard for my own sanity or life from her. There is lots to be considered for both of us and although we never know what life holds for us, it does resemble a huge step for me. There is still another post that requires follow up to recent events and a talk Angie recently had with Mom. It truly put the future in perspective, as well as her way of thinking.

So what does the trail and Mom have in common you might think! Just like the trail provided, I think life provides as well if we are willing to see the signs. I call those moment synchronicities and they are the unexpected moments and what you might see as coincidences. It could be a quote you need to see that hits the nail on the head during a particular moment. It might be a friend contacting you out of the blue. It could be anything. Yesterday I had one of those moments, a synchronicity, something I needed to see. I opened Pinterest and I’m a picture and visual hound. No wonder I love books with all kinds of pictures in it and so Pinterest and collecting pins that are visually stunning to me is a no brainer. Since I love quotes, the content of what’s visible to me is often geared towards my interests. Front and center was a little quote / article written by Sophia Loren. As a child in Germany, I used to watch movies with Mom, starring Sophia Loren. Was it a coincidence to find this pin right now, or was it divine intervention?

Here is what Sophia Loren said and it truly put into perspective the “Now” and had me taking a deep breath.

When I hit enough confidence, the stage was gone. When I was sure of losing, I won. When I needed people the most, they left me. When I learned to dry my tears, I found a shoulder to cry on. When I mastered the skill of hating, someone started loving me from the core of their heart. And while waiting for light for hours when I fell asleep the sun came out…that’s LIFE! No matter what you plan, you never know what life has planned for you. Success introduces you the the world, but failure introduces the world to you. Always be happy! Often when we lose hope and think this is the end, God smiles from above and says, relax sweetheart; it’s just a bend, not the end….

Sometimes it’s not easy to be and see the light within the darkness, but is there truly any other way? Just remember that it’s just a bend and never the end. Xoxo 🦋❤️

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Author:

Who am I, and why I write. I’m a dreamer and I’m not the only one. I am the one holding on to the silver lining when the skies are gray. I’m a believer that nothing is coincidence, but has purpose. I’ve made mistakes, and I see them as a part of who I am today. I have lost myself in order to find myself, and I still do from time to time. In a good way. I’m a big child who laughs until my belly hurts when life wants to be serious. Career wise: I’ve been there, done that, and I took “The jump” off of the hamster wheel to change my future. I didn’t land all that softly, but I still did it. Coming full circle, I had it all, and yet I was lonely and had nothing. Today I choose to be a collector of memories and I chase moments, instead of martial stuff. Less is more, and I prefer quality over quantity. You’d be amazed at how freeing it can be. Talking about free, I see myself as a free spirit that believes in an unconventional lifestyle. I find myself going against the grain most of the times, not to rebel, but because it feels right to stay true to my unique and authentic self. It takes courage, and you often stand alone, but if you find a way, you soon realize that it is the only way to not lose who you are.
My past wasn’t easy and I come from a life that didn’t always give me the opportunity to be heard. Few related and even fewer cared to take the time. But now I believe that the past is history, the future hasn’t happened and the “NOW” is truly all we ever have. In the end I realize that we all have a story to tell, and we all seek to be understood. We all yearn to be heard, to be accepted, and to find our spot in life. We try hard to fit in, some to the point of acting out of character, playing by the rules of what we think society expects of us. Until we wake one day, feeling empty and lost, with our life passing right in front of us. It’s never too late to change your stars, and it was my toughest moments, who turned out to be my greatest teachers.
They say that the stars can’t shine without darkness, and it was darkness who has shown me the light.
It took a series of (un)fortunate events, to learn to glow through the pain, to learn how to dance in the rain. I believe in Magic and wonder, and the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. As an empath this old soul often feels a little too much, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Today, I am here to tell my story because I believe that it can help others. It is my hope to bring inspiration and strengths to you, while showing you that it can be done. I know you are out there, and I know you are suffering in silence. I am here to tell you that you are not alone, and your voice is being heard loud and clear. Hang on and be strong, transformation is yours. 
In light and love....Rhapsody Bohème 💙🦋

18 thoughts on “Life provides

  1. Yes, there is light even in darkness. Maybe around the bend, maybe in the stars and moon, maybe in a pinprick hole in the drawn curtains or closed eyes. Maybe the light comes in the words of a friend or a song or the eyes of a stranger.

    Light often comes to me in a form I least expect. I never expected to find cyber friends like you, and yet I did.

    I have no doubt you will figure out what is best for you and your Mom. Life will shine on you and light your path to the answer.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You are absolutely right Patty and it warms my heart to hear you say this. You are no stranger to your own battles and you are a strong and wise warrior queen. You know I’m proud of you and your advice means the world.
      I will cherish your words, write them down and carry them with me as a reminder. We will always share a special bond and I couldn’t be happier about it.
      Thank you very much dear. Xoxoxo 💙

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  2. I will continue to pray for you and your mother. Do not let the struggles stop you from being focused with what the world is calling you to do. I have strong faith in you and you need to know that your going to get through this struggle. Remember in the end it truly about embracing the struggles and making sometime happen with them. With this said much love and sending hugs…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I know my dear friend and you know that I will make it. I’m just taking a break at times and this is a safe place for me to do so. We both fight our battles and we both will prevail. Thank you for believing in me. Hugs

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  3. Life is cyclical…sometime we come in the world needing to be cared for and end the same way, which is humbling in itself. Self-care is important. I’m glad you are taking a break, and looking at this from different angles. The angle that brings peace is the angle you take the picture from. I consider it a blessing to be able to do for others…not out of obligation nor duty, but because I don’t resist, I accept that which I can not change. Your being built up and prepared for future battles within this battle. I have a quote you might like: Where there is a challenge, behold there is an opportunity… self-care….I celebrate you, your gift, your ability and your humanity.

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    1. A beautiful quote I love and will take to heart. I want to help because I care and always wanted to make a difference in Mom’s life. I never managed and chased her love and a little kindness all my life. She had become bitter and holds huge grudges against me for leaving Germany. We never had an adult conversation and I never had an inkling that I made her proud in any way or that she loved me. She never told me and as of lately I digest thoughts of if I was an unwanted child. Mom is the one who feels it’s my duty to care for her since she cared for me as a child. The frustrating part is that I’m the last person she will actually listen to and she is not willing to compromise in any way. Her way is the only way and a tough road lies ahead.
      Thank you for sharing this beautiful quote with me and for taking the time to send encouragement my way. Hugs

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Sending you hugs! Trust your gut. I lost my mom twenty-one years ago. And that version of me skipped out on moments when she wanted me to care for her. But it is difficult to be selfless to one whom you feel like you struggle to connect with. I do not know what I would do now. But I do now that trusting yourself and your intuition at these times is of great importance. Best of luck!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for sharing this. I feel you understand the struggle and the helplessness I feel in being selfless but also not in a position to help if she doesn’t allow it. I carry my own battles and there has to be some sort mutual respect for each other, otherwise this will destroy me and I will have to think of myself. If her heart is filled with nothing more that disgust and animosity for me, then I don’t deserve this kind of treatment.

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      1. I hear you and do feel with you. You will need to change your life totally, no matter how much you love your life in US.
        Your new life may bring you something else, as you also need, but wasn’t aware of, dear friend.

        Liked by 1 person

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