Posted in Inspiration, Spiritual awakening

Chasing Nirvana

It is said that spiritual awakening is triggered through the catalysts of our life experiences. A catalyst is much more than just a bad experience, it is a traumatizing event that shakes us to the core. It could be a loss, physical or mental, death of a loved one, any kind of abuse, physical or psychological, a chronic illness, failed marriage or any other traumatic experience. Life as you know it changes, ready or not, it is never the same again. It’s something that stays with you forever instead of being just a bad memory. You might also view it as a crossroad to enlightenment or bitterness, it depends on you and the many things that make up your personal profile. If you are an optimist, you most likely choose to believe, as a pessimist you might need evidence, thinking this is nothing more than a hoax, missing the crossroad all together while turning bitter.

I believe that the severity and the impact can vary with each occurrence and a person may need several catalysts to enter the process of spiritual awakening. Perhaps some will never experience it due to personal beliefs. I have wrote about the seven steps before and you can find them easily by searching under spiritual awakening.

It took multiple catalysts for me and it wasn’t a matter of severity and which one was the final one to trigger the process, but it was also a matter of timing and being ready for the signs that would follow. Everything added up and played a part in reaching that final destination. I think that my first catalyst started very early in life with the loss of my Father. I never coped, but I was too young at the age of ten to understand anything about spiritual awakening. I just continued with my life, still a child, with a hole in my heart that never closed, missing my Dad. Later in life I experienced abusive relationships, from physical torment to the manipulative kind, full of lies and deceit. I got played and taken advantage of, had to fear for my life and ended up in a failed marriage. I lost two pregnancies and went through hell and back at work due to jealousy and envy because I promoted before others who had seniority but not necessarily the skills. Try to tell them. It was the first time my hard work paid off in a negative way. I struggled with it a lot and although I had achieved everything, I had to lose everything in order to save myself. I almost didn’t make it. Over the years my dogs became my children, especially Nikki and the last and final catalysts happened as they past. I never recovered from Nikki’s loss and the wound of her being gone remains wide open. I know that her spirit would return to me in the form of another Shiba Inu, but that help remains unfulfilled with Germany hanging in the balance. Almost four years later, I know that it was my final catalyst and what evoked my process of spiritual-awakening. It was also a time I began to dabble in writing again. There was so much to say, even though the blog came much later and I needed an outlet for the things that were unfolding. I felt I couldn’t share it with anyone else, I wasn’t sure anyone would be able to relate. My experiences were customized to my suffering and from the outside one might gather that I was going nuts and was in the process of losing myself. I almost did, but I stayed true to course with a sincerity and a feeling so strong, yet no sufficient facts, besides my intuition. I had arrived at the crossroads of my path and choose my turn without even knowing that I was.

What happened during that timeframe, remains ever changing until today. Visions appear, synchronicities happen, people cross my path (nothing happens by accident), stepping stones are found with bits of information here and there, and the thirst for knowledge and understanding grows continuously. It’s a process that is ever evolving and it’s a process that only happens through trust and complete surrender by letting go of all control. To be ok with whatever outcome comes your way, to worry less and let things unfold how they are meant to be. I’m not saying I always like the outcome, but the awareness sure eliminates the pre-stresses about something that might never even come to terms. I learned to keep the ego in check and minimize the misery that causes us pain. It doesn’t mean that I eliminated all of it, but I learned to recognize the warning signs.

I never really talked about it and mostly kept the following to myself. Maybe because of fear that no one would relate, maybe because of worries that validation would never come, maybe because I thought you would think I’m nuts. It doesn’t matter anymore and I feel like sharing it today because I think some of you may have arrived at that crossroad and you need reassurance and understanding of what is happening in your life.

One of those little stepping stones that would end up being the start of everything, came into my life one day as I stood washing dishes. Like a robot I was washing one piece after another, starring out the kitchen window at the mountain range across from me. After years and years of living in the same house and seeing that mountain range every day, it wasn’t until that day that I truly saw it for the very first time. The turmoil inside of me became still as I scoured over every bush and every boulder. I never stopped my task and blindly reached for the next cup to wash, never taking my eyes off of the mountain. My mind was blank, I was lost in a moment of peace and I wanted to stay there as long as possible. The pain I was experiencing during that time of my life was intense and I knew I needed direction, a place to turn to and a shimmer of hope, something to focus on that would motivate me to go on.

“Nirvana, Nirvana, Nirvana”. I don’t know how long this was going on, but eventually I heard myself speaking the word Nirvana. It was what brought me back to reality and what at first set in confusion. Of course I knew of the music group Nirvana, but I never even knew the meaning of the word and what it stood for. Why was I saying it, what triggered it, and what was going on? I had numerous questions but started with a google search to learn the meaning of the word and to piece the puzzle together until I had a answer that felt right for me.


In Buddhism a transcendent State in which there is neither suffering, desire, nor a sense of self, and the subject is released from the effects of karma and the cycle of death and rebirth. It represents paradise, heaven, bliss, ecstasy, joy, peace, serenity, tranquility, enlightenment and is the final goal of Buddhism.

I was confused at first and didn’t learn about synchronicities and intuition much later, but I had a starting point. I later found that I was relating to many of the Buddhist teachings when it comes to wisdom, karma, compassion and the modern materialistic society. It was then that I learned that less is more, that none of the materialistic things matter and that I got addicted to the feeling of inner bliss and harmony. Buddhism is a code of practice or a way of life that leads to true happiness. I believe that hearing me speak that word without any prior knowledge of its meaning was my portal, the stepping stone in my journey to enlightenment. I have grown ever since. I have never really spoken about it and I know it’s something hard to comprehend for someone who has not experienced similar situations or is on a different level. You might still think that I’m nuts, but you might also relate and have your own experiences. When I remember back to one of my most painful times of life, I can’t help deny the beauty that was born out of it. Perhaps it is the very reason as to why I believe in silver linings and what taught me to embrace the challenges without complaining.

My moments of greatest pain became my greatest strength.



I'm a dreamer and hopeless romantic who believes that there is always a silver lining to everything. Now, inspired by the simple life, I have learned that less is more and that we find magic all around us if we take the time to notice. Life is a journey and a process that is ever changing. We are constantly evolving in the matter of who we are as we align our stars and shed a past no longer in line with our highest self. I don't easily fit conventional norms, not because I'm a rebel, but because of resenting the pull that threatens to take me away from my true beliefs and my unique personal identity. I support the power of "Choice" and the ability for us to be the architects of our own lives. Some of these choices should have something a little wild about them as they form the moments that forever stay edged in our memory and make our hearts beat with wonder. Nobody will remember the ordinary. For myself, I'm a warrior who has fallen many times, who has gone through trails an tribulations and who is no stranger to adversity. After all, my choice remains clear, to get back up and stand stronger than ever. To recognize that it often takes our darkest moments to mold us into who we were meant to be. I have learned to trust the process and stay positive through the challenges. I trust it to be the only way to prevent my heart from hardening and allowing bitterness to creep in. I believe in the power of "NOW" as it is the only moment we truly ever have. The past is gone, unchangeable and the future hasn't happened yet. All we can impact is the current moment. Everything starts with a choice and hopefully with one that has something wild about it and may even scare you to death to execute. DO IT...I promise you won't regret it. This blog is my voice to share my Journey. If I could describe this adventure in short, I would call it "Spiritual awakening" with a yearning for "Freedom" and going after the things that truly matter. To seek a less complicated life that is stripped down from the many obligations and responsibilities that often tie us down. For me it is a life free of rules and regulations, one that allows me to escape the must expectations while jumping off the hamster wheel that is spinning faster all the time. To be on my own time and live each day to the fullest, to make it all slow down by banishing routine and unleashing my creativity/artistic values in an effort to entertain whatever subject comes to mind. And if lucky, to perhaps offer a different view to my readers, one that speaks to your soul vs. the demands of what society might expect. It is one that empowers you to be your unique self and follow the beat of your own drum. I am dreaming big as I trail blaze the path to a new life and becoming a storyteller. I find my inspiration in the little things in life, in Mother Nature and on the trail that provides the adventures and the backdrop for a book someday. My hope is to inspire "Courage" in others who might find themselves on the brink of taking that first step. This blog serves as a foundation for my collection of personal thoughts, opinions and experiences and by no means am I an expert on any topics mentioned. To my readers I would say that the universe connects us by a common thread, we all search and we all have something to say. We don't always have to meet in person to share a strong bond and people enter our path for a reason. Some stay for a short time and serve their purpose, while others teach us a lesson and help us become stronger through experience. And a few special ones remain as the treasures we hold dear over a lifetime and touch our hearts beyond means. In whatever way we are meant to be, I thank you for crossing my path and for stopping by. I hope that I have left you inspired, full of wonder and with a few "Wild Choices" to make....Hugs XO

43 thoughts on “Chasing Nirvana

  1. Very cool. I experienced something similar but it was very drug induced in Puerto Rico… so now thinking about it… it wasn’t as True of an experience as yours. What a beautiful thing to not just find, but to have come to you at a random moment… and be able to feel that in your heart enough to go google search the word and understand what was happening to you. I have read a good amount of buddhist literature and understand that the path to enlightenment is an amazing journey, filled with self awareness and all that is around you, minus all the material crap like you had said. Wherever you go.. there you are.! Very beautifully written 👌 Love it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Awe this is so amazing to have had a similar experience and to have someone relate to what was happening. Thank you so much. It sounds like we have stumbled upon some of the same teachings and I can only agree full heartedly that the journey of self awareness has been one of my greatest teachings throughout. I wouldn’t change a thing and even the bad things had a place that were an important piece in the process. Sure nobody likes the bad stuff, but would we truly be the same without it? Thank you ever for your kind, kind words.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I experienced lots of pain in my life, and still have some wide open wounds, but i think my spiritual awakening is coming from being able to identify synchronicity and nudges from my spirit guides, mostly in the people who have crossed my path, but also in spiritual events that often only i was aware of. Someday, I’ll tell you the story of the burning bush.

    I am sure you are a part of my spiritual awakening. Your words are often soothing to my soul or an affirmation of my musings where i start saying, yes, yes, yes as i read your words. My connection to you is a spiritual kind of mystery. Our paths connecting in the cyber world. Often, in my thoughts of you, you are walking with one of my spirit guides, a black jaguar named Snog.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much Patty. this is beautiful and you always touch my heart. I’m grateful for whatever you feel like sharing no matter how often we speak. It’s always a great honor and I couldn’t be happier that you find something that helps you in my words. I think we have experienced different catalysts and different experiences, yet the path pain remains similar. I think it’s important that we find something or someone to lean during those times, someone that can carry us through to the light when darkness surrounds us. I would love to hear of the burning bush sometime and the black jaguar named Snog.
      Thank you for touching my heart as you do so many times.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I relate totally. The thing is, being very skeptical and very matter of fact by nature, I have had (and still having!) the hardest time with issues in general. Hard to accept, harder to let go, hard not to fight, hard to “embrace” hard moments as challenges, etc. And yet, yes, every (evvery!) single time, a hard moment has been proven to be a necessary step to something better. If I had had the proper mindset I would probably never gone through that, so it was because of ME, and not because of Life. This was the hardest thing to accept (and still is!)….

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for sharing this. I can pick up on the struggle it still presents for you, but sometimes we just need to give it Time. The deepest scars take the longest to heal and you are always where you need to be. If you can believe this, it will help you accept and heal. Much love and light my dear. Xo

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Ah , I have been there. And then the pain(s)/hurts became too large and I lost my inner peace and started to turn into a bitter person, too much looses of beloved persons and pets. And then there was the chance to restart being creative and slowly my inner peace became restored. But Nirvana is far from me, I can not ‘let go’ when I see the misery inflicted on people, on our environment, on nature. For that I have to keep my warriors path,

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts Cecile. I can relate with your words and I have not reached Nirvana either. I think there will always be a fair amount of suffering but for me it comes down to learning how to dance in the rain and to keep my faith. It is hard and a challenge some days but everything worthwhile always is and nothing is ever easy. I do have a warriors path and this very blog is the journey of a warrior. Sending much strengths and healing vibes your way. Hugs

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Sometimes when we’re at our lowest we find out who we really are, what we really want and how strong we are! You are a strong woman. Sharing your story will for sure help others! Have a great week 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Hello…
    Awakening stories are beautiful and yours is inspiring, especially for others. It is difficult to appreciate unless one has had a similar experience. For those of us that have, we are the luckiest people in the world. Yours is the gift of life and true understanding.😊

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi there, thank you so much for your sweet and kind comment. I couldn’t agree more and it’s hard to understand for someone who is still sleeping. I loved to learn about the seven steps of spiritual awakening and applied what I learned to my own experiences. It is quite amazing and I’m grateful, for not everybody is lucky enough to experience this. Thank you so much.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. It’s amazing what comes to us at the most unusual times, both good and bad. I do not think you are nuts. Far from it. I am a person who believes in science. Prove it and I will believe. However, I have experienced enough of these signs and what would normally be called coincidences to know that there are many things out there beyond what science can prove…YET. I think back to the people who lived centuries ago and the belief systems they constructed to explain their world. They got sick because the gods willed it. They had no concept of bacteria and viruses. Along the line, a curious mind “discovered” such things. I think there are a lot of things out there that are yet to be discovered. Those who have open minds can take in the signs and even though they might not know the origin of what is happening, they know it is real. The human mind only uses a tiny percentage of its potential. We have a lot of room to grow, experience and discover.

    With all of that, I believe that you are a soul who knows things that have yet to be explained. You allow things to affect and pass through you. You see signs and you instinctively know there is meaning there. You are the active discoverer when others are busy with day to day life. Keep searching, keep learning and keep discovering. Love you lots! ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Your comment truly spoke to my heart dear Dragon Keeper and seldom did I felt so understood, as if you spoke from my soul. Only someone who has experienced those signs could know and understand those things. It’s good to not be alone and to find myself in great company. I think you are right and there is much that remains to be discovered. Like you said, those of us sensitive to that kind of nature and energy will always pick up on the subtle hints and coincidences that would go unnoticed with most.
      Thank you so much for taking the time to write this. It was exactly what I needed to hear. Xoxoxo love you 💙🦋

      Liked by 1 person

  8. By going through our challenges, we grow, which you are a living proof of, Rhapsody.
    We do all have a past and it is up to every single one of us, if we wish to stay there or move and develop ourselves.
    Send you love and healing, dear friend ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much. This means a lot to me and I’ll be sure to check out your post. I know that only those who have experienced this,mare the ones that can relate and it’s nice to meet someone like you. Hugs


  9. This is a great and well written article. I did a piece about awakening as well, if you are interested maybe you could check it out, it’s:

    It’s like the psychology bent version of your article. It also includes some of the ideas from the Vedas on Superconsciousness. Please check it out, I think you’ll enjoy it.

    Keep up the good work!


    Liked by 1 person

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