Posted in Inspiration, Spiritual awakening

Chasing Nirvana

It is said that spiritual awakening is triggered through the catalysts of our life experiences. A catalyst is much more than just a bad experience, it is a traumatizing event that shakes us to the core. It could be a loss, physical or mental, death of a loved one, any kind of abuse, physical or psychological, a chronic illness, failed marriage or any other traumatic experience. Life as you know it changes, ready or not, it is never the same again. It’s something that stays with you forever instead of being just a bad memory. You might also view it as a crossroad to enlightenment or bitterness, it depends on you and the many things that make up your personal profile. If you are an optimist, you most likely choose to believe, as a pessimist you might need evidence, thinking this is nothing more than a hoax, missing the crossroad all together while turning bitter.

I believe that the severity and the impact can vary with each occurrence and a person may need several catalysts to enter the process of spiritual awakening. Perhaps some will never experience it due to personal beliefs. I have wrote about the seven steps before and you can find them easily by searching under spiritual awakening.

It took multiple catalysts for me and it wasn’t a matter of severity and which one was the final one to trigger the process, but it was also a matter of timing and being ready for the signs that would follow. Everything added up and played a part in reaching that final destination. I think that my first catalyst started very early in life with the loss of my Father. I never coped, but I was too young at the age of ten to understand anything about spiritual awakening. I just continued with my life, still a child, with a hole in my heart that never closed, missing my Dad. Later in life I experienced abusive relationships, from physical torment to the manipulative kind, full of lies and deceit. I got played and taken advantage of, had to fear for my life and ended up in a failed marriage. I lost two pregnancies and went through hell and back at work due to jealousy and envy because I promoted before others who had seniority but not necessarily the skills. Try to tell them. It was the first time my hard work paid off in a negative way. I struggled with it a lot and although I had achieved everything, I had to lose everything in order to save myself. I almost didn’t make it. Over the years my dogs became my children, especially Nikki and the last and final catalysts happened as they past. I never recovered from Nikki’s loss and the wound of her being gone remains wide open. I know that her spirit would return to me in the form of another Shiba Inu, but that help remains unfulfilled with Germany hanging in the balance. Almost four years later, I know that it was my final catalyst and what evoked my process of spiritual-awakening. It was also a time I began to dabble in writing again. There was so much to say, even though the blog came much later and I needed an outlet for the things that were unfolding. I felt I couldn’t share it with anyone else, I wasn’t sure anyone would be able to relate. My experiences were customized to my suffering and from the outside one might gather that I was going nuts and was in the process of losing myself. I almost did, but I stayed true to course with a sincerity and a feeling so strong, yet no sufficient facts, besides my intuition. I had arrived at the crossroads of my path and choose my turn without even knowing that I was.

What happened during that timeframe, remains ever changing until today. Visions appear, synchronicities happen, people cross my path (nothing happens by accident), stepping stones are found with bits of information here and there, and the thirst for knowledge and understanding grows continuously. It’s a process that is ever evolving and it’s a process that only happens through trust and complete surrender by letting go of all control. To be ok with whatever outcome comes your way, to worry less and let things unfold how they are meant to be. I’m not saying I always like the outcome, but the awareness sure eliminates the pre-stresses about something that might never even come to terms. I learned to keep the ego in check and minimize the misery that causes us pain. It doesn’t mean that I eliminated all of it, but I learned to recognize the warning signs.

I never really talked about it and mostly kept the following to myself. Maybe because of fear that no one would relate, maybe because of worries that validation would never come, maybe because I thought you would think I’m nuts. It doesn’t matter anymore and I feel like sharing it today because I think some of you may have arrived at that crossroad and you need reassurance and understanding of what is happening in your life.

One of those little stepping stones that would end up being the start of everything, came into my life one day as I stood washing dishes. Like a robot I was washing one piece after another, starring out the kitchen window at the mountain range across from me. After years and years of living in the same house and seeing that mountain range every day, it wasn’t until that day that I truly saw it for the very first time. The turmoil inside of me became still as I scoured over every bush and every boulder. I never stopped my task and blindly reached for the next cup to wash, never taking my eyes off of the mountain. My mind was blank, I was lost in a moment of peace and I wanted to stay there as long as possible. The pain I was experiencing during that time of my life was intense and I knew I needed direction, a place to turn to and a shimmer of hope, something to focus on that would motivate me to go on.

“Nirvana, Nirvana, Nirvana”. I don’t know how long this was going on, but eventually I heard myself speaking the word Nirvana. It was what brought me back to reality and what at first set in confusion. Of course I knew of the music group Nirvana, but I never even knew the meaning of the word and what it stood for. Why was I saying it, what triggered it, and what was going on? I had numerous questions but started with a google search to learn the meaning of the word and to piece the puzzle together until I had a answer that felt right for me.

Nirvana

In Buddhism a transcendent State in which there is neither suffering, desire, nor a sense of self, and the subject is released from the effects of karma and the cycle of death and rebirth. It represents paradise, heaven, bliss, ecstasy, joy, peace, serenity, tranquility, enlightenment and is the final goal of Buddhism.

I was confused at first and didn’t learn about synchronicities and intuition much later, but I had a starting point. I later found that I was relating to many of the Buddhist teachings when it comes to wisdom, karma, compassion and the modern materialistic society. It was then that I learned that less is more, that none of the materialistic things matter and that I got addicted to the feeling of inner bliss and harmony. Buddhism is a code of practice or a way of life that leads to true happiness. I believe that hearing me speak that word without any prior knowledge of its meaning was my portal, the stepping stone in my journey to enlightenment. I have grown ever since. I have never really spoken about it and I know it’s something hard to comprehend for someone who has not experienced similar situations or is on a different level. You might still think that I’m nuts, but you might also relate and have your own experiences. When I remember back to one of my most painful times of life, I can’t help deny the beauty that was born out of it. Perhaps it is the very reason as to why I believe in silver linings and what taught me to embrace the challenges without complaining.

My moments of greatest pain became my greatest strength.

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Author:

Who am I, and why I write. I’m a dreamer and I’m not the only one. I am the one holding on to the silver lining when the skies are gray. I’m a believer that nothing is coincidence, but has purpose. I’ve made mistakes, and I see them as a part of who I am today. I have lost myself in order to find myself, and I still do from time to time. In a good way. I’m a big child who laughs until my belly hurts when life wants to be serious. Career wise: I’ve been there, done that, and I took “The jump” off of the hamster wheel to change my future. I didn’t land all that softly, but I still did it. Coming full circle, I had it all, and yet I was lonely and had nothing. Today I choose to be a collector of memories and I chase moments, instead of martial stuff. Less is more, and I prefer quality over quantity. You’d be amazed at how freeing it can be. Talking about free, I see myself as a free spirit that believes in an unconventional lifestyle. I find myself going against the grain most of the times, not to rebel, but because it feels right to stay true to my unique and authentic self. It takes courage, and you often stand alone, but if you find a way, you soon realize that it is the only way to not lose who you are.
My past wasn’t easy and I come from a life that didn’t always give me the opportunity to be heard. Few related and even fewer cared to take the time. But now I believe that the past is history, the future hasn’t happened and the “NOW” is truly all we ever have. In the end I realize that we all have a story to tell, and we all seek to be understood. We all yearn to be heard, to be accepted, and to find our spot in life. We try hard to fit in, some to the point of acting out of character, playing by the rules of what we think society expects of us. Until we wake one day, feeling empty and lost, with our life passing right in front of us. It’s never too late to change your stars, and it was my toughest moments, who turned out to be my greatest teachers.
They say that the stars can’t shine without darkness, and it was darkness who has shown me the light.
It took a series of (un)fortunate events, to learn to glow through the pain, to learn how to dance in the rain. I believe in Magic and wonder, and the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. As an empath this old soul often feels a little too much, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Today, I am here to tell my story because I believe that it can help others. It is my hope to bring inspiration and strengths to you, while showing you that it can be done. I know you are out there, and I know you are suffering in silence. I am here to tell you that you are not alone, and your voice is being heard loud and clear. Hang on and be strong, transformation is yours. 
In light and love....Rhapsody Bohème 💙🦋

43 thoughts on “Chasing Nirvana

  1. Very cool. I experienced something similar but it was very drug induced in Puerto Rico… so now thinking about it… it wasn’t as True of an experience as yours. What a beautiful thing to not just find, but to have come to you at a random moment… and be able to feel that in your heart enough to go google search the word and understand what was happening to you. I have read a good amount of buddhist literature and understand that the path to enlightenment is an amazing journey, filled with self awareness and all that is around you, minus all the material crap like you had said. Wherever you go.. there you are.! Very beautifully written 👌 Love it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Awe this is so amazing to have had a similar experience and to have someone relate to what was happening. Thank you so much. It sounds like we have stumbled upon some of the same teachings and I can only agree full heartedly that the journey of self awareness has been one of my greatest teachings throughout. I wouldn’t change a thing and even the bad things had a place that were an important piece in the process. Sure nobody likes the bad stuff, but would we truly be the same without it? Thank you ever for your kind, kind words.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I experienced lots of pain in my life, and still have some wide open wounds, but i think my spiritual awakening is coming from being able to identify synchronicity and nudges from my spirit guides, mostly in the people who have crossed my path, but also in spiritual events that often only i was aware of. Someday, I’ll tell you the story of the burning bush.

    I am sure you are a part of my spiritual awakening. Your words are often soothing to my soul or an affirmation of my musings where i start saying, yes, yes, yes as i read your words. My connection to you is a spiritual kind of mystery. Our paths connecting in the cyber world. Often, in my thoughts of you, you are walking with one of my spirit guides, a black jaguar named Snog.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much Patty. this is beautiful and you always touch my heart. I’m grateful for whatever you feel like sharing no matter how often we speak. It’s always a great honor and I couldn’t be happier that you find something that helps you in my words. I think we have experienced different catalysts and different experiences, yet the path pain remains similar. I think it’s important that we find something or someone to lean during those times, someone that can carry us through to the light when darkness surrounds us. I would love to hear of the burning bush sometime and the black jaguar named Snog.
      Thank you for touching my heart as you do so many times.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I relate totally. The thing is, being very skeptical and very matter of fact by nature, I have had (and still having!) the hardest time with issues in general. Hard to accept, harder to let go, hard not to fight, hard to “embrace” hard moments as challenges, etc. And yet, yes, every (evvery!) single time, a hard moment has been proven to be a necessary step to something better. If I had had the proper mindset I would probably never gone through that, so it was because of ME, and not because of Life. This was the hardest thing to accept (and still is!)….

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for sharing this. I can pick up on the struggle it still presents for you, but sometimes we just need to give it Time. The deepest scars take the longest to heal and you are always where you need to be. If you can believe this, it will help you accept and heal. Much love and light my dear. Xo

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Ah , I have been there. And then the pain(s)/hurts became too large and I lost my inner peace and started to turn into a bitter person, too much looses of beloved persons and pets. And then there was the chance to restart being creative and slowly my inner peace became restored. But Nirvana is far from me, I can not ‘let go’ when I see the misery inflicted on people, on our environment, on nature. For that I have to keep my warriors path,

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts Cecile. I can relate with your words and I have not reached Nirvana either. I think there will always be a fair amount of suffering but for me it comes down to learning how to dance in the rain and to keep my faith. It is hard and a challenge some days but everything worthwhile always is and nothing is ever easy. I do have a warriors path and this very blog is the journey of a warrior. Sending much strengths and healing vibes your way. Hugs

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Sometimes when we’re at our lowest we find out who we really are, what we really want and how strong we are! You are a strong woman. Sharing your story will for sure help others! Have a great week 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Hello…
    Awakening stories are beautiful and yours is inspiring, especially for others. It is difficult to appreciate unless one has had a similar experience. For those of us that have, we are the luckiest people in the world. Yours is the gift of life and true understanding.😊

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi there, thank you so much for your sweet and kind comment. I couldn’t agree more and it’s hard to understand for someone who is still sleeping. I loved to learn about the seven steps of spiritual awakening and applied what I learned to my own experiences. It is quite amazing and I’m grateful, for not everybody is lucky enough to experience this. Thank you so much.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. It’s amazing what comes to us at the most unusual times, both good and bad. I do not think you are nuts. Far from it. I am a person who believes in science. Prove it and I will believe. However, I have experienced enough of these signs and what would normally be called coincidences to know that there are many things out there beyond what science can prove…YET. I think back to the people who lived centuries ago and the belief systems they constructed to explain their world. They got sick because the gods willed it. They had no concept of bacteria and viruses. Along the line, a curious mind “discovered” such things. I think there are a lot of things out there that are yet to be discovered. Those who have open minds can take in the signs and even though they might not know the origin of what is happening, they know it is real. The human mind only uses a tiny percentage of its potential. We have a lot of room to grow, experience and discover.

    With all of that, I believe that you are a soul who knows things that have yet to be explained. You allow things to affect and pass through you. You see signs and you instinctively know there is meaning there. You are the active discoverer when others are busy with day to day life. Keep searching, keep learning and keep discovering. Love you lots! ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Your comment truly spoke to my heart dear Dragon Keeper and seldom did I felt so understood, as if you spoke from my soul. Only someone who has experienced those signs could know and understand those things. It’s good to not be alone and to find myself in great company. I think you are right and there is much that remains to be discovered. Like you said, those of us sensitive to that kind of nature and energy will always pick up on the subtle hints and coincidences that would go unnoticed with most.
      Thank you so much for taking the time to write this. It was exactly what I needed to hear. Xoxoxo love you 💙🦋

      Liked by 1 person

  8. By going through our challenges, we grow, which you are a living proof of, Rhapsody.
    We do all have a past and it is up to every single one of us, if we wish to stay there or move and develop ourselves.
    Send you love and healing, dear friend ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much. This means a lot to me and I’ll be sure to check out your post. I know that only those who have experienced this,mare the ones that can relate and it’s nice to meet someone like you. Hugs

      Like

  9. This is a great and well written article. I did a piece about awakening as well, if you are interested maybe you could check it out, it’s: https://artsofthought.com/2018/04/22/maslow-15-traits-of-self-actualized-people/

    It’s like the psychology bent version of your article. It also includes some of the ideas from the Vedas on Superconsciousness. Please check it out, I think you’ll enjoy it.

    Keep up the good work!

    Alec

    Liked by 1 person

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